5-MeO Trip Report

[Arthur]

Hey fellow actualizers,

I would like to share with you my story with 5-MeO-DMT. 
I made a post previously talking about my experience with low dosages. In this post, I will describe the full encounter.

Getting the substance
I got this substance semi-legally about a month ago. I got it from a legal research chemical distributor. They will sell it to you provided you don't have the intention of using it on yourself or others. DMT is a scheduled 3 substance in Canada, which is not that high priority (Cannabis was scheduled 2 up until recently). Also, 5-MeO is not very known from the DMT family.

RoA
I've experimented with both snorting and plugging. Initially, I started with snorting, but I discovered that it wasn't the most effective for me. I didn't like the burning in my nose, I was losing substance, my nose became very dry, and I would have some dry blood in my nose afterward. Plugging, on the other hand, was very clean. The substance dissolves in water and you are able to absorb it much easier and faster with rectal administration. It is my opinion that plugging is the way to go (provided you get a small syringe  ).
 

Small Dose
I've already made a lengthy post about my experiences on a small dose. To summarize it, at first, I felt a slight discomfort with tension in my head, small buzz, a little bit of shivering and nausea. These were minuscule and not very noticeable.

Afterward came a very deep meditative state. This was meditation and contemplation on steroids. As if I took my most contemplative moments and multiplied them by 1000. My mind was firing with cognitive activity all over. Thoughts were cycling. Not just thoughts but more like "Aha" moments, like understanding after understanding and so on.  Insights were everywhere and all sensation became very potent. I've experienced moments of deep love and connection, omnipresence, insights about awareness and the present moment. After those peeks I came to a state of bliss and peacefulness.

Overall it was great, the experiences went by after about 30 min I was back to baseline. I was still present as my Ego throughout the experiences.

Insight:
Experience is the key. There is a whole world out there far beyond what mind can image and what we can put into words. Thinking/Language/Communication is also a type of experience, but only one out of an infinite sea of experiences and perceptions - don't give it too much weight.

 

Medium Dose
This trip was very very very different - 540 degrees different. I still can't fathom how you can get such a different experience from the same substance. This time it was very physical and can be summarized as hell, torture and slow death.

All those discomforts that normally come up before the peak. Well, they got amplified to an unbearable degree. I felt an extreme amount of body discomfort. I wanted to escape to run away, to surrender. It wasn't a pain in a sense of somebody is cutting you with a knife. It wasn't fear either, as you can imagine standing on the edge of a building. It was this nasty nasty feeling of internal discomfort. Like when you're super anxious about something. Maybe loosely like when you wear an uncomfortable t-shirt, or its too hot, or something bothers and you want to jump out of your skin. You feel frustrated/angry/anxious at the same moment. It was a type of Ego-discomfort taken to the extreme of what's possible.

I felt nauseous and wanted to puke very badly. My body was shaking like crazy. Not shaking from cold, but shaking from like a wound in a stomach. I felt like dying, like I couldn't take it anymore. I was trying to surrender to it, but I couldn't. I was trying to meta surrender - surrender to the fact that I couldn't surrender, but that didn't work either. I was fucked. Honestly, if you think you're a tough guy? I dare you to go through this. 

Some of the thoughts going through my head:
"Why would you do this to yourself?" "Did I just overdosed and killed myself?" "I want this to pass!" "It's just a feeling, its just a feeling"
That was pretty much the whole experience. It lasted for about 30 min but man, it felt like an eternity! I was still present as my Ego throughout the experience though.

Insight:
This is what dying is like. Ego is everything about you. It's a very physical thing! emotions and thoughts are interlinked. Subconscious thoughts give rise to emotions which give rise to surface thoughts and provoke actions. I heard before that Ego is just a thought, but dammit it goes so deep. It controls everything about our body. It is our whole existence. It is very subtle until your survival is threatened. 
I have huge respect for people who took 5-MeO-DMT

 

Heavy Dose

Preface
Well needless to say that my previous trip freaked the shit out of me. I knew I came close, but not close enough to fall into the abyss. So I was musting up the courage. I knew that to go all the way I needed to die. My mind was coming up with excuses of not doing it. Suddenly things I was forcing myself to do became not so difficult just to avoid this experience (nice try mind).  

From the previous trip, I knew that dying feels very real at that moment. There is no difference between that and "actual" death. It's funny but to actually make passing over easier, I wrote a final letter/suicide note to my loved ones. I typed it up, printed it and left it on my desk before the trip. This might sound too extreme, and I didn't think I was actually going to die. I thought I will come out of it, and the whole thing will look silly. But then again, at the back of my mind, I thought that you never know. Plus I would want somebody to leave me a comforting letter before they go. I got ready, did an hour of meditation, which put me in a very relaxing state.

Experience
This substance keeps surprising me. It was very unexpected. I can't put it into words. It's just too much. The transition from regular consciousness was super clean. When the discomfort started to show up. I just laid on the bed, closed my eye and it passed away (or my sense of self passed away). I think the preparation and my state of surrender really helped. Either way, what happened cannot be even close to thoughts or words. It was deeper than time, space, ideas or my own self. I was the raw reality itself, it was impossible. It was there, but nobody was looking at it. Perceptions were there but nobody was there to perceive it. It's a f*cking paradox. You would think perceptions need a perceiver. 

My body was extremely loose. It collapsed and I was far far far gone. The body was doing things by itself. I didn't even know if I was breathing. Some sensations were there, but it was sort of neutral. I can't even say neutral because that's putting it inside criteria. Really language is incapable of describing this. Words are kind of like post signs to experience. But it wasn't even an experience, because there was nobody to experience it.
It was incredible. But even to say that is giving it a judgment. It wasn't good or bad. It transcended all limits and criteria because there was nobody there to give any human judgment. Kind of like Earth was prior to humans. 

My body could die or live it didn't matter. It was waaaaaayyy beyond my existence. The mind would occasionally talk, but it appeared sort of in the background like an echo. All It could say was - thing, no thing. It went on like this "existence, no existence" "love, no love" "life, no life" "enlightenment, no enlightenment" and so on about everything. There was no difference between anything. I was not present as my Ego throughout the experiences.

I lied on my bed for 2 hours after this experience in a state of no-self. I could say that it was bliss. But even that is not true, because bliss implies an opposite to be true as a reference. There was no reference in this experience. Then there was a feeling in my belly. I could label it as me getting hungry, but there was no reason to act on it. No reason to act on anything for that matter. Eventually, the intensity was slowly coming down and I convinced myself to get up. 

Insight: 
What I was describing is only what the mind can come up with. What actually happened transcended all of that. What happened is what is left when everything goes out the window. Every identification crumbled. 

There is only this something - It is nothing, everything, energy, dark matter, empty space, Tao, awareness, God, aliens, simulation whatever you say about it. It is so much bigger than you, you are not even on its radar. There is no free will, nor somebody to not have free will. As an Ego, I am a puppet empty inside. When I die ... I will go back to the source.

Edited October 20, 2018 by Arthur

[Sempiternity]

Thank you for sharing your experience. 

I'm getting ready for my first trip and have been thinking a lot about writing "suicide" notes. For me to be able to fully surrender, I have to be willing to actually die. This means no holding on to the hope of coming back. That hope could prevent me from fully letting go. If I say goodby to my family, they will think I've gone crazy and committing suicide. If I did die during the experience, it would be a shitty thing to do to my family to just die of a drug overdose. So the best option is to write everyone a goodbye letter. This allows me to be ready for full surrender and no holding on to 'my life'. Then if all goes well (which statistically it should), I can just throw them away and tell everyone in person. 

Edited October 20, 2018 by Jed Vassallo

[Sempiternity]

Oh, and what was your "heavy dose" dosage? Just curious. 

[Leo Gura]

@Arthur Yup, it's pretty nuts.

As you do more trips, they will still go deeper and be different.

[Recursoinominado]

This sounds like the kind of thing that really makes living worth, I envy you, I don't have the courage to buy it living in Brazil, damn it. Above all, congratulations for your persistence, I know how hard is to fight the resistance for using a hard psychedelic, I brought regular DMT almost a year ago and never had the guts to go all the way. 

[Arthur]

@Jed Vassallo I think being in a state of surrender definitely helps. Also, as Leo mentioned previously, each trip build upon the previous one. I probably wouldn't be able to surrender on a high dose, without going through the bad experience. I definitely encourage you to go forward with it. The bad experience might sound terrible, but it only lasts 20-30 minutes. It's like a medicine that purges the Ego inside your body. In my opinion, once you've done it a couple of times it gets easier, you don't cling and resist too much.

I would say you have to find what a small, medium and heavy dose means for you. I think it varies with purity, body tolerance, RoA and so forth. My guess is that my substance was not very pure, as I needed much higher doses. For me, small, medium, heavy was - 30, 40 and 50 mg.

@Leo Gura Ye it was insane. I can't even imagine where my next trips will take me, it's beyond my capacity. Thank you Universe, for sharing this substance with me through Leo 

 

@Recursoinominado You should definitely give it a try. I don't know about regular DMT, but 5-MeO cracks your Ego. Nothing that is fundamentally true about your existence ever gets damaged in the process.

Edited October 20, 2018 by Arthur

[JustinS]

Had a full break through dose 2 days ago. God, scared the living shit out of me. Absolute Awe. "Oh My God!" 

 

[legendary]

Great trip report. Thanks for sharing!

[Arthur]

If anybody wants to try 5-MeO and want to know the after effects, I will share what I noticed below.   

I can't talk about long-term effects since my last trip happened quite recently, but here is what I noticed so far:

• This experience recontextualized a lot of the spiritual teaching I knew. It shattered what I believed was possible.
• Perceptions became very detailed. I'm perceiving the same things but in a different light. I can feel sensations in my body that I wasn't aware before. No judgment attached to any sensation. Before this experience, every perception had sort of a story-meaning-connotation to it, now I am more able to see it for what it is, and it's much deeper.
• My dreams are very vivid and very rich. Dreams became just as real as this life, and I'm able to be fully immersed in them. I wake up earlier than my alarm filled with energy, whereas before, waking up was dreadful.
• I feel very detached and sort of num, I'm not as responsive to anything anymore. I can see how this can cure addictions. I'm not exaggerating any experience looking to fill a void inside. 
• I'm less afraid of death. I would still be terrified if somebody pointed a gun at my head, but I feel like I could surrender to the inevitable much easier.
• I'm able to be very present, kind of what Eckhart Tolle teaches. I have moments where I would just zone-out and merge with experience, only for split seconds though. 
• Meditation became effortless. I'm able to just sit relax and melt into whatever is happening. I still feel discomfort from long sitting, but I don't have any mental frustration during the exercise.

Here is what I imagined would happen, but didn't happen:

• I didn't stay in a state of no-self or cosmic consciousness permanently. I don't think I could do that and still function in this life. Even what I listed might be slowly wearing off.  
• My mind didn't stop. I thought my mind would completely stop and It would be just quite forever. 
• I didn't become a sage/saint or a very good person. My Ego and most of my patterns are still there. I'm executing through the motions and momentum of my life. I just don't judge my actions anymore, like I'm watching a movie from the back seat.

Edited October 21, 2018 by Arthur

[Nahm]

@Arthur Thanks for sharing, tons of great info & insights, ??. 

[Forestluv]

@Arthur This is what “The Work” looks like. And nice work it is.?

The community I lived with in Peru also called it “the work”. Perhaps it’s universal. ☺️

[Forestluv]

3 minutes ago, DrMobius said:

After my 40 mg breakthrough experience, I never found the courage to do it again. But one day I will.

Similiar for me. So intense.

Have you done sub-breakthrough trips? I’ve found those beneficial as well.

[Forestluv]

I’m @DrMobius

IKR. 5-meo is my #2 gentlest psychedelic and #1 teacher. 

I get some body load discomfort - somewhat similar to motion sickness. But not too extreme. Like a 5/10.

[Hellspeed]

Nice!

Welcome to the club  

[Leo Gura]

I get very little body load from 5-MeO-DMT.

Unless I eat. Then terrible body load.

Always do it after at least 4 hrs of empty stomach.

[outlandish]

5 hours ago, DrMobius said:

In a few hundred years, 5-MeO-DMT will be the new Bible.

At first thought, what an enticing idea!

And then, the question, what if it becomes dogma? "Elders" appearing at your door asking if you've experienced the Light of 5-MeO-DMT. Legions of people dutifully imbibing the sacrament each sunday, yet missing the point each time... a kind of blasé generic psychedelic routine.

And then, back to the idea that, what if many many more people could have a direct experience of unconditioned reality? It's hard to imagine that this wouldn't have a beneficial impact on society, humanity.

But, how many people in the world are actually ready for such an experience? Maybe it's exactly the same set as the people who are already accessing 5-MeO-DMT right now? Are the gatekeepers keeping it special, wild, and only in the hands of those who will really benefit from it? I have to conclude that occult is never a good policy. It's a good thing that ought to be open and shared. 

In the next couple of decades we should see more and more open and legitimized centres for psychedelic spirituality, healing, self-inquiry, growth. Guides, shamans, facilitators, coaches. Openness around psychedelic use, research, it's like night and day compared to a decade ago. If this continues to grow carefully and responsibly, we should see psychedelics blossom into the mainstream, and hopefully begin the process of catalyzing the next evolutionary step for humanity.

Let's see how this turns out in a few hundred years. RemindMe! 400 years

[Arthur]

Guys, I think this experience messed me up a bit.
I don't feel myself anymore. It kind of disturbs me.

After the experience, I feel kind of pressure in my head. Like that trip hit me with a hammer and something got loose. It's not painful like a headache or anything, but it feels unfamiliar.

My girlfriend says I'm looking at her differently, she says she can't explain it. To me seems like I can maintain eye-contact for longer.

I would do dishes or be in the shower and have a wave of euphoria. My knees would get weak like after an orgasm.

I would sit in a car or lay on my bed and just stop everything. I would just experience my surrounding and barely even blink for 30 minutes.

I'm always aware of background perceptions. I used to have this type of awareness during deep meditation where I could combine simultaneously my thoughts, body sensations and sounds around me for a couple of seconds. But now It's here all the time, feels like I don't switch between perceptions but have kind of a general surround awareness. I'm able to hold my thoughts simultaneously with my surrounding in a weird way.

Feels like my body goes on autopilot. I would usually get clumsy when I'm thinking or listening to a video and doing other things, but now my body just goes on it own. Sometimes even walking feel strange, like I'm pooled by something.

My feeling became a flat line. I'm either relaxed/peaceful or feel nothing at all. Nothing excites me, I'm not thinking about the future anymore. Previously I would do activities and try to skip forward in my mind and get to the point. But now I'm just neutral/numb to what every I'm doing.

The feeling of my body became weird. I can still feel things, but It's like I'm sedated, I'm not reacting to it. I used to be irritated by cold, but now I just feel it as a tingling sensation on my skin. I even just pinch myself or splash cold water on my face to kind of feel that weird sense. 

Overall, I would say its good because I don't have negative thoughts/emotions. It's very different though, in that sense, it makes me concerned. I'm not gonna go to a psychiatrist because I will have to start explaining why I took 5-MeO and what spirituality is. It's only been 3 days since the last trip, but I know that the substance should have been long dissolved in the body by now. If you guys had similar experiences in your life please share your thoughts. Is this a spiritual thing, PTSD or some chemical brain changes?

Edited October 22, 2018 by Arthur

[Arthur]

@DrMobius thanks, its comforting to know that.

I'm still young and want to develop my life externally, before I have a big internal shift.

[Recursoinominado]

On 22/10/2018 at 10:20 PM, Arthur said:

@DrMobius thanks, its comforting to know that.

I'm still young and want to develop my life externally, before I have a big internal shift.

First, congratulations for your success. 

I only want to point out a blind spot yours: don't wait for anything to have a bit internal shift, it is all excuses, I have been there, realized that it doesn't not make sense, if you get enlightened, you will accomplish what you want with ease and if you lose interest after enlightment (which I doubt, "after enlightment, cut wood, carry water"), it wasn't important in the first place. Don't hold anything back, it's perfectly safe. 

[Arthur]

@Recursoinominado Thank you,

I'm starting to integrate this state more and more. It sounded like I was concerned but now I'm rather curious. Feels like I'm distant from my old self and other people. My old life feels like a dream.

What I wrote about emotions is also not true. I can feel them at times very deeply, in a new sort of light. I was driving with my girlfriend, and she was feeling a bit anxious and hyper, which made me get that feeling as well. It swept through my whole body like a wave, and it was overwhelming. After a bit I let it go through me and it passed.

I feel like my perceptual field is no longer concentrated on my thoughts, with other sensations being in the background, but rather my thoughts became more of an echo. I'm able to be more aware of my surroundings without effort. It feels great, I see things sort of in a new light, without any personal meaning attached to them.

Honestly, It feels like this is how humans suppose to live. We shouldn't be tormented by our minds, living in a fantasy world. Having our field of awareness concentrated only on our thoughts and rarely expand beyond that. We always running around in circles in our thoughts. The mind cannot understand/comprehend reality no matter how hard it tries or what models/ideas it comes up with. So why wouldn't it just shut up and let it be?

I don't know no if this is permanent or just a state. I'm still living my life as I used to. Actually besides the way I stare at people, not much has changed about me externally. I did lose a bit of motivation and drive, but maybe they were not healthy, or I don't even know/care anymore.