dark knight of the soul, can't escape

[SageModeAustin]

I hate people, I hate myself.  I hate existence, I hate everything.  I need help, nothing will shake this feeling off.  I've been stuck in this state for over a decade now.  I've tried just about everything, really starting to not care anymore.

[Shin]

Let go.

[SageModeAustin]

9 minutes ago, Shin said:

Let go.

thanks, that actually made a lot of sense when I read it just now. 

[Shin]

12 minutes ago, SageModeAustin said:

thanks, that actually made a lot of sense when I read it just now. 

No seriously.

Just let it go.

 

Let it all go.

Edited October 18, 2018 by Shin

[Hello from Russia]

Notice how you attach a negative meaning to meaninglessness and how all meaning is fictional, negative meaning included

[SageModeAustin]

@Hello from Russia Yea...good point. 

[Shin]

[SageModeAustin]

@Shin Thanks my dude.  Actually helpful.

[Jack River]

9 minutes ago, Shin said:

Then we see that it’s really all from a resistance to the inevitable nature of change itself. This resistance to change, or this resistance to stop clinging to thought to solve psychological problems is the cause of this suffering. 

Edited October 18, 2018 by Jack River

[PsiloPutty]

"Let go or be dragged" is an old Buddhist proverb. 

(but I struggle with it, too)

 

Edited October 18, 2018 by PsiloPutty

[SageModeAustin]

@Jack River @Hello from Russia @Shin

Well how about when it keeps coming back for years & years?  I'll have moments of letting go, but it only lasts for so long.  Like a few minutes then it comes back. 

It's an endless cycle. 

There is temporary relief by letting go, but nothing is really solved. 

My default at this point is dark energy and nihilism, it just keeps coming back.

Should I stop trying to fix this, and let go aka let the dark knight of the soul embody me?

[SageModeAustin]

@Jack River Okay you can intellectually understand something, but the problem is too persistent to get rid of.  I've dealt with this for too many years for one insight to change anything.  Should I just accept this as a part of life and move on? 

Edited October 18, 2018 by SageModeAustin

[Jack River]

1 hour ago, SageModeAustin said:

It's an endless cycle. 

This cycle is reaction. This reaction is resisting change. Resisting change is good for the self. The self needs to clings to what is familiar. What is familiar is itself. Suffering arises because we cling to thought to solve our psychological problems. This clinging is resistance to what is. What is is always changing...self doesn’t like that. It’s threatening to its own continuity. Suffering is the product of this. Reaction of the self always moves to escape that suffering, which keeps it alive. 

Understand the self and how this reaction is in essence resisting change. This understanding will bring about insight so huge that this reaction will not continue. This understanding isn’t verbal/intellectual..it’s whole or total. Start with exploring the nature of the intellect/self/psychological time. All is revealed in this exploration. 

Edited October 18, 2018 by Jack River

[Jack River]

48 minutes ago, SageModeAustin said:

I've dealt with this for too many years for one insight to change anything

The insight I’m talking about is whole. This insight reveals all the falsity of psychological becoming. This insight will put a total stop to all movement that feeds the loop of self. 

[Jack River]

It will blow your mind brah?

[lmfao]

@SageModeAustin The quotation "drastic times call for drastic measures" may be applicable in your case. Your question is hard for me to answer because you've basically stated that your entire psychology is fucked but no other details about your life are mentioned. How long have you been exposed to non-duality practices/theory? You say you've struggled with what sounds to depression for about 10 years, I'm just curious for how long you've been into spirituality. Have you had enlightenment experiences? If so, then you should know there is "hope". Do you have any hardcore addictions sucking the life out of you? 

I remember reading a post in which you copy and pasted a section of a book on negative emotion, I thought it was good. Try and apply that. Another thing I'm curious about, how much theory have you been exposed to? Because if you've spent a lot of time reading and listening to videos on non-duality then I doubt that there is much that can be said to help you. Although it its perhaps the case that you always need a reminder.  If I'm looking for some spiritual inspiration I like to listen to Alan Watts.

 

[SageModeAustin]

23 minutes ago, Jack River said:

This cycle is reaction. This reaction is resisting change. Resisting change is good for the self. The self needs to clings to what is familiar. What is familiar is itself. Suffering arises because we cling to thought to solve our psychological problems. This clinging is resistance to what is. What is is always changing...self doesn’t like that. It’s threatening to its own continuity. Suffering is the product of this. Reaction of the self always moves to escape that suffering, which keeps it alive. 

Understand the self and how this reaction is in essence resisting change. This understanding will bring about insight so huge that this reaction will not continue. This understanding isn’t verbal/intellectual..it’s whole or total. Start with exploring the nature of the intellect/self/psychological time. All is revealed in this exploration. 

holy fuck your right. 

[SageModeAustin]

@lmfao I've been dabbling in spiritual work for years but not seriously (watching videos of alan watts, inspiring philosophy videos, etc)

July 11th 2018 is when I decided to take spiritual work seriously.  Since then I've been meditating daily non stop and journal my insights whenever I get them.  

I've accomplished a lot in my life, but nothing seems to get rid of this negative ego I've attached to myself.  Although I guess I just have not done spiritual work long enough to say.  This post was more of a compulsive desire for validation of hope, that there is hope in the years to come.  You're post made me realize that there is hope and that I need to remind myself how far I've come from the past, thanks for that.  

Edited October 18, 2018 by SageModeAustin

[SageModeAustin]

@TylerJ I will try this for my meditation session tonight, thanks. 

[cetus]

@Outer Nice!