Alright let's start very easily with this. This journal will be about my life, in many different fields. I will talk about everything that is in my mind and won't leave. I will talk about people who inspire me, or just their quotes. I will talk about my way in becoming a succesful man. I hope this journal will make ''planning for my future'' easier. Since I joined this forum, I noticed that a lot of mature people struggle with things I couldn't come up with myself. 

You guys have low self-esteem? There are actually people who are in depth with spirituality? There are people who share actual knowledge without misleading me? You mature people keep suprising me, but without further ado let me start with a generalization of my life.

My Life
Oh wauw what a suprise. The journal is about my life. I am a 14 year old boy who is new to self-actualization. Before all of this, I used to game a lot. I did a lot of unneccesary things in general which I only later discovered. I despised books, didn't understand why someone would read those if all the information in the world is already on the internet. 

Gaming got replaced with books after this forum happened to me. Gaming already got boring, I only did it because I was bored. Which doesn't make sense now I think about it. I got introduced to actualized.org with deep spiritual video's, so I needed to take a step back and watch some of his older video's. After laughing for 10 mins about Leo looking like a balloon in his enlightenment stream, I finally understood how his channel became from ''all about succes in life'' to ''non-duality, spirituality etc.''. I don't know what the first word means, but that is fine for now.

I used to be a Muslim. I prayed 5 times a day and kept myself from doing sins (not always I admit). Since watching Leo's vids, I basically dropped all those beliefs. Now I meditate instead of pray, read self-help books instead of gaming/Quran and focus on myself and my values (oh btw the Quran is so difficult to read jesus christ). I don't let myself get lead by a force I can't question. My mother and father are still heavily Blue same with my sister, but there is another person which I would like you to meet: My brother.

He has classic autism. He doesn't understand a single thing about Islam, or the world. He needs to laugh if we force him to do prayers with us. Don't worry, he gets taken care very good. My parents really love him and so do I. Looking at him, I always wondered what it would be like to live without forces. Without how anyone tells you how to be. He doesn't follow up rules from a book. If he wants to, he can rage or smile. Be angry or extremely sensitive. He still inspires me and I am planning for making him my teacher for spirituality. After posting a topic about him, someone suggested I should try to look the world from his perspective. That's what I have recently been doing and I must say, it is pretty funny. 

I am about to start reading ''Mastery'' by George Leonards. As I said, I am new. I only have read 2 books about self-help, where in the second book many words were difficult. How can someone use words like self-assertiveness, integrity and self-acceptance? Who even made all those words up? I still don't understand some important knowledge, but I guess that's fine. I wonder how difficult ''Mastery'' is.

As a last note, the story about Rasputin is in my head. Mostly because of the song. I wonder if gaining power with manipulative love is actually possible.