Better Off Just Getting My Life Together First?

[kieranperez]

I’m honestly so depressed I can’t even think or vision about what I really want as a life purpose at this point. I sit around at home all day miserable and depressed and just in tears because I don’t know what I want anymore at all. I try doing these life purpose exercises more and more and I haven’t been getting anywhere. I can’t give a concrete answer to anything. All my passions have fallen away and I just don’t know what to do. On the one hand I intuit what pursuing enlightenment and all that can really do for my life but I also know what enlightenment won’t do for my life. For example: what would actually change if I got a full enlightenment right now? Nothing in terms of circumstances, money, skills, a living situation that suits me, etc. I’d still be the 23 year old loser living at home with family members who look down on him and no friends. I even feel ashamed to meditate. 

I feel so useless and depressed that I don’t have enough emotional reserves to start a business. I’m not saying I don’t think I can’t ever. I’m saying right now. I literally wake up with no reason to get up in the morning at all. I NEVER thought I wouldn’t hit this point. I’ve been an athlete all my life and once the passion and “my why” really ran dry, that was it. I just didn’t understand why I’d keep doing this. 

This mental predicament right now is this: 

I don’t know what I want. I keep asking myself, introspecting, and I just don’t know. I feel worse at then end and just cry because my life feels dry because I feel like this is something I can’t turn around now because now I have to go off and earn something and work at something stupid, waste all this emotional energy doing something I hate, working for someone I hate, for a bullshit cause. I feel like if I accept this, slap the handcuffs on, I’m going to end up getting swept into this current. I don’t want to get swept up in that but I also don’t know what I want. 

I feel like I’m stuck in this catch 22 and I really don’t know what to do. I know the lifestyle I want to live right now which would resemble a lot of stage green and really spend time truly soul searching and gaining more life experience, driving across the country in a camper van, go to other countries, camping, spending time in true isolation in the woods, living really really simply in a tent. 

Advice?

[Colin]

This website is one of my most treasured personal development resources

https://www.optimize.me/

Edited October 17, 2018 by Colin

[kieranperez]

9 minutes ago, Colin said:

This website is one of my most treasured personal development resources

https://www.optimize.me/

Already know about it and have the app. Don’t find it that useful and doesn’t really resonate with me.

[Colin]

I was struggling to find an appropriate answer, as I don't think an appropriate answer would be a simple one.

what I find with optimize.me is that it is difficult and not pleasurable to ingest, but it is so inspiring and eye opening.

I have to make my self read and watch the content, but when I do I become very inspired.

I would not be without it. It is the kind of thing I always wanted in personal development.

The plus ones, the philosopher notes, the master classes, Brian Johnson himself, pure gold

[Cepzeu]

I have been in a similar predicament and I know how you're feeling. You are right in that pursuing enlightenment won't greatly change your situation. Your situation is a source of worry and anxiety for the monkey mind, which fuels it and makes it louder. You need some stability and control in life first. This will give you some assurance and peace of mind which will allow for a pursuit of your spiritual needs. 

I suggest you follow Maslow's hierarchy. Focus on getting a job first, having somewhere to live that is not your parents place, and having some stable position. Have patience, I know enlightenment is a great goal in comparison to this other stuff but you need to be in a position where you are not figuring out how to survive day to day first.

You mentioned stage green stuff. Look for a job/education in general business + interpersonal communication + green specific skills (maybe events management, coaching, working at a health and fitness place, yoga studio etc.). You won't have enough experience required to make the links and be creative in business without exposure to an industry. Given your post, look for a stage green industry. In the future general business skills and your experience and your peace of mind will allow you to start a business if you wish.

You want the cool lifestyle and travel but so does everyone else. Join the queue. You have to sacrifice so that you can get what you want later, pleasures are not just handed to you unless you are enlightened haha. Even being on the path will ease some of the worry from not going anywhere. You will NOT figure everything out just by being stuck in your head all day.

I say the above not to be mean but to put things in perspective.

[Emerald]

I think the first step in getting a sense of clarity is to meet your most basic needs first. So, find a basic job and move out from your family's home. From this new place, it is likely that new insights and desires will arise. But right now your desire to be free from this situation makes it to where other desires can't be focused upon and stay buried in the unconscious or semiconscious regions of the mind. 

Also, you are young. Don't feel like you're behind. Remember to always put on your pants one leg at a time and without rushing... otherwise you'll trip and fall on your face and take more time in your haste. A stitch in time saves nine. So, take things one step at a time. First get a basic job. Then save up some cash. Then move into a cheap place with some friends or room-mates. Then, set a deadline for yourself to begin working on your business. Then, create a plan of action. Then, take each step on that plan one at a time. And eventually you'll get there. 

[Gabriel Antonio]

Yes, focus on the basics. For now I think you need to step out of theory, and take action.

It's also very important to reconnect to your body. If you don't feel good in your body, it's very hard to function in this world. You know that feeling when you're playing a sport and you're totally in the moment? So... that can really help kick out depression. 

Think of simple and pleasant activities that make you naturally tap into the present. Truth is, if you stay in bed all day and don't move your body, you will feel worse and worse. 

If you still feel stuck and depression keeps coming back, consider going to a psychiatrist to get some medication. This can alleviate the lethargy so that you build momentum more easily to put your back on the right track. 

I hope you get well! 

[RichardY]

@kieranperez

Micro steps

1) What's your War Chest or budget.

2) If you need a break, consider doing some volunteering around California(somewhere not local). At the least, you'll meet other Americans and Nationalities.

3) There's life coaches on the forum. Maybe ask them for advice.

4) There's people in way worse situations then yourself, not sure if that helps. Myself(probably), and then way worse than me...

5) From what you've said you are working? I think most replies have assumed that you're not. If so feeling burnt out right?

One more note. Dude you live in California!!!! fucking CALIFORNIA!!!! It sucks in the UK, it's cold wet and rainy. 

Edited October 17, 2018 by RichardY

[kieranperez]

2 hours ago, Colin said:

I was struggling to find an appropriate answer, as I don't think an appropriate answer would be a simple one.

what I find with optimize.me is that it is difficult and not pleasurable to ingest, but it is so inspiring and eye opening.

I have to make my self read and watch the content, but when I do I become very inspired.

I would not be without it. It is the kind of thing I always wanted in personal development.

The plus ones, the philosopher notes, the master classes, Brian Johnson himself, pure gold

No I get you. Brian’s content just doesn’t resonate with me and my personality. I personally resonate more with Leos content and focus on combining nonduality and personal development in a very explicit, non apologetic, bigger picture way. I had Brian’s app but didn’t like it. Glad it works for you!

@Gabriel Antonio @Emerald Thanks. Yeah I feel you guys might be right. I’d need to move out of the San Francisco Bay Area which I both do and don’t want to do but I’ll figure out something I guess...

[Colin]

 

have you read these books?






Something I have learned in recent times is that small chores in and of themselves have mental benefits.

So if you pop in some headphones while helping around the house , the people around you will get off your back and will love you for it.

You will get benefits to your body and mind by moving around.

All while learning profound truths about the nature of life if you are listening to an audiobook.

These can help too
 

https://bebrainfit.com/increase-dopamine/

 

[Colin]

https://bebrainfit.com/tapping-anxiety-benefits/

[Colin]

This is an extension achieving new heights of the day
Circumvent the limits come through disarray
Greater ascension 'cause I was born to elevate
Never have been one to be cast away
We go on stronger take it in along the way
I got the super OG and the ghost train haze
It's an extension that's reaching so far away
Now we just break it on down hey

Stand undefeated
Completed anything that we set our mind
United by a fire to be undefined
Working all the time is gonna be fine
Because it's really play
Ask me tell ya wouldn't have it any other way

Deep inside the reaches of the entangled mind
I find a place where I can go where no one ever will find
I make a perfect exchange I'm making connections strange
Sometimes the places that I go make people think I'm deranged
If there's a reason that you're holding up the wall let it fall
I think it's treason when I'm seeing people throwing it all
I let 'em all just fly by with a quick wink to the eye
I think you all better get used to saying goodbye

This is an extension achieving new heights of the day
Circumvent the limits come through disarray
Greater ascension 'cause I was born to elevate
Never have been one to be cast away
Stand undefeated
Anything that we set our mind
United by a fire to be undefined
It's an extension it's reaching so far away
Now lemme give you something sweet

Because the people dig deeper when with you always
Something about the decades taken day by day wanna replay
Think about no equal when jumping into the fray
Whatever you try don't tell it goodbye just get it underway (ay )

You got a spirit yes it’s making a wave
See all the people 'tracted to it
And they come around, they come around and
You look about realize there’s no other way
So you step into the crowd they all be getting down

This is an extension achieving new heights of the day
Circumvent the limits come through disarray
Greater ascension 'cause I was born to elevate
Never have been one to be cast away
Stand undefeated
Anything that we set our mind
United by a fire to be undefined
It's an extension that's reaching so far away
Now lemme give you something sweet
This is an extension

[Elysian]

I just wanted to reiterate how important it is to get your own place. It's pretty much impossible to attain the spiritual goals you have with all the shame and uncertainty you feel, and being in your own space will give you so much more room to breath. I made more progress in my own place in a month than years with my parents. 

 

Being able to do what you want, how you want without having to endure judgments from people who might not even understand you is liberating. It won't solve all your problems, but it'll clean off enough of the mess so you don't feel so overwhelmed. Been there before with depression, I know how frustrating it can be.

Edited October 23, 2018 by Elysian
Grammar

[Pilgrim]

What I just notice is that you are facing a lot of resistance towards your current situation and you want to find your life purpose by all means now. I honestly think the first step would be to try to get rid of this resistance. You do not want to be in this situation by any means, I get it. And you totally refuse to be in this situation. I think that this is your problem. It would be easier if you surrender to your situation. Try to truly surrender, "give up" and accept that it is shit right now and you simply don't know what the future will bring. You are putting yourself under a lot of pressure for finding the perfect solution. Start small and don't think about solving your whole life now. It will sort of come together on its own. Focus on the first step and slowly start building on that. It honestly does not really matter for what you are deciding and this solution does not need to be perfect, just doable and it needs to come from your heart. FOR NOW. 

If you really long to travel try to save as much money as you can through your current job and allow yourself a break for a while. Just do woofing or something similar low-cost and see where this will bring you. It's definitely possible to travel on a relatively small budget.. and work in exchange for shelter and food on the way. 

[Space]

@kieranperez I'd definitely agree with what Emerald said. You need a change of scenery. Focus on getting a fairly basic, but decent job that is not gonna completely drive you crazy (like working in a call centre), so that you can move out and gain some independence. When you're stuck somewhere you don't want to be (like home with family), your thoughts are stuck too. Which is probably why you can't seem to figure things out. I've been there, trust me. Moving out, changing your environment and changing your daily routine will almost certainly give you new ideas and insights about where you want to go in life. You can do it!