Trip Report (400ug LSD): Massive Recontextualization of what existence is!

[legendary]

Context:

• I am 10 days away from a planned Bufo Alvarius session with Octavio Rettig in Spain.
• Since the retreat organisers strictly state: "no drugs a week before", I thought now might be a good time to trip existentially once so that I breakthrough successfully later

Dosage:

• 400ug LSD

Insights:

• I became aware of the Fact, that Being is Infinite, in all dimensions, everywhere
• It became glaringly obvious to me how consciousness is a 'shapeshifter' as Leo put it. It has no attributes whatsoever, so it can be everything
• The residue of my materialist, rationalist paradigm was completely shattered. I encountered this with my 24ug 5-MeO trip before, but there it was more of a shock and I didn't have time to grasp the repercussions of the insight. But now, on LSD, this insight was concretized gradually, such that I cannot deny it anymore. Consciousness is fundamental to reality and existence, not atoms and molecules. Holy fucking shit! Are you kidding me?! I'm an engineer, man!
• I became aware of the ego, and it is just so much bullshit! Infinite degree of self-deception. I feel that I cannot take anything literally anymore, because the Devil will misconstrue it, even if it is a teaching about enlightenment. Pure irreducible being is all that can be trusted.
• I feel that there is nowhere to hide anymore. And nowhere to go. What's even the point of lying and bullshitting?! (Of course, I will come up with reasons later)
• I became conscious of what Nonduality really means.  Holy fucking shit! I cannot be jealous of, criticise or judge anything ever again (of course I will find a way)
• My entire life and being has been completely recontextualized. I understand why they call it 'emptiness' and why people say stuff like 'God is!, saying anything more is already misleading'.

My fears:

• I had originally thought that I would try doing self-inquiry in the dark and face my fears, but the things mentioned above just blew all my plans away
• But after having all these insights, it became clear to me that what I feared truly wasn't some scary phenomenon or a crazy mindfuck, but the lack of a first person perspective! So I returned to the same position where I was at  the end of my 5-MeO trip, knowing that I need to surrender this sense of self, getting close, but failing to do so.
• Again, so much bullshit here, I became aware of how I'm escaping doing the really important work and instead thinking if I can come up with more insights or something.  It really felt like I'm fighting an invisible dragon, as Leo described, but it is just..tough

What's next:

• The Bufo Alvarius ceremony, of course! I hope the drug is powerful, because this ego structure I have is a fucking beast. It will not die!

Just wanted to share this. If there is anything I'm misconstruing or doing incorrectly, then please let me know. One obvious mistake I made was to trip on a Sunday evening. This gives me no time to sit and reflect upon my insights, but I had to study for an important test before (of course, it is not important at all, in a way)

[Recursoinominado]

Awesome trip and insights! I have to look into this Bufo Alvarius ceremony, but couldn't find where these ceremonies are taking place. 

[legendary]

@Recursoinominado they happen in Europe (Spain and Netherlands) and the Americas (Mexico) as far as I know. Google it and follow-up on the leads

[PsiloPutty]

Sounds like a wonderful trip. Glad you had it!

[legendary]

@PsiloPutty Thanks! This trip was much needed. So much bullshitery going on!

[SoonHei]

8 hours ago, legendary said:

I became conscious of what Nonduality really means.  Holy fucking shit! I cannot be jealous of, criticise or judge anything ever again (of course I will find a way)

Haven't read the full post yet but that part got me.good . The bolded/underlined part. It's like THAT is the ego right there already laying the foundation. It has to be caught of right there and then in the moment. It's almost like not writing it down because you know now that you have seen thru it more deeply, that trick won't get you anymore...

 

It is very subtle indeed wow.

[SgtPepper]

Thank you for posting man. It was nice to read!

and Good for you on securing a way to do toad medicine with Dr. Octavio! That's just such a one of a kind experience. I definitely plan on doing the same perhaps 3 years down the line and when he is in the Americas! Hopefully in the US.

[legendary]

@SoonHei Yes, very subtle indeed. almost all thinking can be boiled down to self-deception

[legendary]

@SgtPepper I don't reckon you'll be able to do it in the US, since 5-MeO is a Schedule 1 drug. You can always go down to Mexico, though.