This was my second trip and very different from my first one. Trip I wake up, eat my breakfast and hit the gym. It is slightly busier Saturday than usually - I have to arrange some things and make a few phone calls. All in all, I feel productive today. When I finally get to meditating, it is already 10:30. I have mixed feelings whether I should trip today because of how in the zone I feel with my usual matters. Let alone a strong dose. However, I juts follow my plan without thinking too much and so at 11:00 I drink a glass of water with 30mg 4-AcO-DMT. I sit down at my spot and start meditating. I am sensing my body, breathing air into various body parts. At some point I repeat "I'm ready to die - show me the truth.", but it sounds so fake. I am not convinced. The come up is like a come up of a storm. Suddenly the room turned darker. I feel the heaviness of the dose I took. I start to worry. It was irresponsible to take 30mg when I am not 100% in the mood for a trip. I am just asking for a bad trip. I feel anxiety come up. My pulse is probably around 150 bpm. I decide it will be much easier to handle if I turn off the lights, set comfortably in my bed, and surrender to what happens by starring at the ceiling. Some time into staring at the moving ceiling I figure I feel very well. The anxiety is gone. I feel curious in exploring any phenomena I see around myself. So I dress up, turn on the lights and get back to my spot. By that time I am really tripping. I stare at the 3m x 2m paradise sunset jigsaw puzzle in front of me. Patterns and colors are moving around. Everything is beautiful. Lots of fun. Suddenly - a blackout. At some point I feel like being a liquid. Just existing there with no purpose. As if the whole universe is just that. Then blackout again. Suddenly I notice senses. A glimpse of 15:00 comes up. I feel a taste of tomato omelet. An occasional glimpse of light. I start to connect the dots. I am standing. The room looks familiar. I look around. Who am I? Where am I? Why am I here? Nothing makes any sense. Random memories pop up. It all looks familiar, but I can't make any sense of it. People, names, places. These are my experiences, but I don't recognize any of it. As if I've been placed in this body from elsewhere. I lost my memory! I look at various things in the room. Maybe I should go play with some of them until I can make more sense of what is going on. I do that, but I can't concentrate on anything. I wander from one thing to another. There is a smartphone over here. I look at the messages. They are in 3 different languages. Do I really know all these languages? I can read it. How cool is that. This is a person I really care about. I look at the photos. Wow. She is beautiful. Seems like I've been nagging her with all this stuff. Poor human being. Suddenly I feel an enormous sense of love. More names and people come to mind. I sit down at the computer to google. That's the organization I must be working for. What are they doing? These are my colleagues. But how am I going to do my job without any memory? What is my position there? Eventually more and more memories come. Bits and pieces start to connect and make sense. I look out the window. It is such a beautiful day. Sunny. I touch the window. Warm. I touch it with my face. Then my chest. Then my whole body. It feels so good. I wish I would have a cat. It would certainly agree with me. Just like that, step by step, I collect the bits and pieces of my life before the blackout. 3 hours later I have a somewhat full picture. I am full of joy. I am ready to go start living my life. Occupy myself with all these things that this current me finds important. I am full of ecstasy. My mind is sharp and clear. Completely at peace. Take away That was a brainfuck beyond scale. Nothing negative though. I don't know what happened nor how to interpret it. I feel like I was planted in this body. My short term memory was wiped. I have to reconstruct everything from the long term memory. The sad part is that the peak of the trip never reached the long term memory. I know I saw things, but it looks like a blackout looking at it now. I underestimate psychedelics. I got to be more cautious. I think I have enough content for contemplation. Another trip will have to wait.