Starting new life

[Matiyos]

Hey, if you'r reading this and you're 30+ years old please keep reading to the end, altought input from anyone is more than welcome. You can help a real person change his life for better. 

What I'm looking for is an advice from grounded and mentally stable people as I propably am not all that stable right now.

 

Backstory:

Around 2 hours ago my gf of 2 years broke up with me. I am 25 years old guy who still lives with parents, altough I have relativly good job with a lot of potential as a webmaster. 

It's not my first breakup and I'm aware of the proccess, it hurts now, soon it will get better, and then after a while maybe I won't even mind meeting and talking with her as friend, I've been trough this before.

And what I will say now is also propably very typical of my situation, but right now it's 100% honest. She was the best person I have met in my life, and it's hard for me to imagine ever wanting to create a family with anyone else. I could write an essay on how she was different than all the other girls and how it's true that I won't find anyone who will make me fell the way she did, but you all propably know the drill.

 

Another part of my life is that is very important to me is self improvment. What I'd love to believe is that according to spiral dynamics I am propably around 55% green, 44% orange and 1% yellow. I'm past the point where I was attending all kind of toastmasters groups etc. right now I'm more about meditation etc. Except for Leo my biggest authority and inspiration is Sadhguru. For the last 2.5 months I've been practicing yoga, not only hatha yoga but also the ones requiring meditation and more self awareness. 

 

So right now I am completly broken, but I know that it's at the same time a great opportunity for me to change something about my life in a huge way. Right now I see only 3 options for myself:

1) Stay in separation with my ex gf, she suggested that we stay in touch untill the new year and see how things work out, maybe she will decide that she wants to come back to me. As I'm writing this I know how pathetic it sounds, as if I was a dog waiting for her to make up her mind, but I know it was very hard for her as well. She has been dealing with clinicly diagnosed depression for propably at least half a year now and she is on medications. I've been helping her get through her worst time and I know that I still mean a lot to her. I'm writing this to make the situation clear that it's not just my desperate hope and wish for her to come back but a potentially real option. Out of all 3 options I know on this one I'm not the only person who has something to say as she might decide that she doesn't want to come back.

 

2) Forget about my ex, and start new life looking for a new girlfriend, and cultivating my career as a web developer. Right now I cannot possibly imagine being with another girl, but I know it will pass and after a while I'll start looking around for a new gf. At the same time, I can save up money and finally move out of my parents house. It's been difficult for me to do it before as I have some loans that keep me back from doing this. If it was possible earlier I would propably be living with my ex. Most of you are propably aware working in IT has huge potential, and could allow me for having a bigger impact on the world, financial stability and many other benefits, altough if I were to be 100% honest, deep inside me I know I'm not very passionate about web development and that it can hold me back from truly achiving a great career.

 

3) Last option, save up money, pay back my loans, and buy a one way ticket to India and join a yogic ashram, and commit myself to practicing yoga there. It is not some kind of desperate reaction to the breakup. It's something I've been considering for a while now, altough I didn't take it all that seriously as I've been planning to spend the rest of my life with my gf. Right now, it is reallistcly possible for me to do that, I have no real bounds holding me in my home, I have almost no friends that I would miss and I don't really get along with my parents. I've been watching Sadhgurus videos almost religiously, I think he is a great and wise person, and if that's what it takes to attain similar mastery over my body and emotions then I am ready to do this. I see that the state I am in right now is not due to my girlfriend breaking up with me, but rather me having no control over whats going on in my head, and as long as I won't change it I can chase my tail for the rest of my life trying to find a perfect girlfriend and a perfect carieer and still not being happy. 

 

What I'm looking for is an insight and maybe an adivce from people more expierienced from me. I know that in a way I'm at a crossroads in my life. I can impact rest of my life in a huge way, and I know in the end nobody can make a decision for me, I will have to do it myself. But I don't want to relly only on my limited experience, and perhaps very emotional attitude towards this whole situation. 

Also, in a way I'm exactly sure which outcome I wish for from this entire situation, first of all I wish my girlfriend would come back to me and that we would spend rest life together. Maybe it sounds naive, but I know I could find another girl relativly easy, I just think she was just the perfect match for me and no matter what happens I will never stop loving her. Second best option in my mind is me going to India and practicing yoga there. I know I could just stay where I live and practice anyway, but what I'm looking for in this option is to fully transform myself.

 

If you read it all, thank you for your time, I hope you can give me an insight on this situation from another perspective. I really need this.

Edited October 13, 2018 by Matiyos

[Athena]

Option 1 is pathetic sorry, but man up

Option 2 seems like what you need to do

Option 3 is just running away 

 

[bejapuskas]

As a Sadhguru fanboy myself, I want to advice you to be aware of the fact, that hormones hijacked your intelligence and everything that you are saying is basically stone age level of thinking... You will be coming through these situations all the time, if you decide to go to the path of growth. Maybe start journaling, it can help you see yourself from a 3rd person perspective and think out of the box. I also think that you arent mature enough to make the decision yet, because I have tried to solve these problems similarly to you, but they cannot be disposed if with the same consciousness you created them with. You dont have to join an ashram to become conscious and happy, you can meditate at home and contribute humanity at the same time. Why do you think Sadhguru is out there making those awesome speeches he does?

[Matiyos]

@Athena Thanks for the feedback, seems honest and I can imagine why you would think so

@bejapuskas Thanks for the reply, I see what you're saying and I agree. I might have to take some time to make the decision. Altough don't you see the travel to India as a viable route at all or do you think I should put more thought into it?

[bejapuskas]

@Matiyos Trip to India seems great, but you wont get enough juice out of it, if you keep being stressed out  Try to read the book „Love what is“ by Katie Byron. It can solve most of your problems in my opinion. Also build up some powerful habits and get rid of the toxic stuff, like addictions. Your life will become better like hundred times if you only do that  I used to seek the solution to my problem outside, until I realized, that all the emotions are inside and I can control them consciously. Try that out yourself!

[ajasatya]

@Matiyos i'd go with number 3. it may sound like you're running away but when you actually get there and start practicing yoga everyday you'll see that it will drive you TOWARDS your emotional pain.

as a plus, you'll come out as a completely new person. that's what my first yoga teacher did. she even had an amazing job at google. but she was obese and had lots of bad habits. after 1 year she had transformed her body and faced huge amounts of emotional pain.

i did something very similar, although i didn't have enough money to go to another country. i found an ashram here in brazil and lived a monastic life for 1 year. BEST CHOICE OF MY LIFE. now my Life feels great. i am married to a dream woman and we practice yoga and talk about spirituality almost everyday.

no, it's not running away. in practice, it's facing your demons straight.

Edited October 13, 2018 by ajasatya

[Matiyos]

@ajasatya it's great to hear that  thank you for reply, glad to see input from a person who has experienced living in a place like this

[aurum]

@Matiyos

What do you want to do with your life? You say self-improvement, but what is that tangibly leading to? What is your purpose? If you do the ashram in India, what happens when you're done?

 

[Matiyos]

@aurum What I'm looking for from going to ashram is to completly change my lifestyle, make meditation and yoga my primary direction in life, hoping to attain more control over my mind, and hopefully find a direction and purpouse about which you are asking. Speaking of which I've been thinking more about buying Leo's life purpose course lately, hoping it would help as well.

[Arthur]

Hey,

I would say you need to start over. Moving to India might be too extreme to follow up. Instead, I would suggest you move out of your parent's place to a new city. Find a good developer job in a new place altogether. Here is the rationale behind it:

• You will move on from the breakup faster with a change in environment.
• You will mature by living on your own (you will have to sooner or later).
• Excellent opportunity for self-development - you will be lonely, but that's an excellent opportunity to go deeper into yourself and contemplate.

This can be a beginning of your "hero's journey". It will be hard, but looking back, this will be the greatest decision you ever made.

I experienced something similar. I immigrated to a new country leaving my job, my car, my friends, and my girlfriend. It was the hardest decision of my life. I spend months in serious depression. When those feeling passed, I started doing self-development, My life has improved dramatically. I don't know who I would be if I stayed.

[aurum]

6 hours ago, Matiyos said:

@aurum What I'm looking for from going to ashram is to completly change my lifestyle, make meditation and yoga my primary direction in life, hoping to attain more control over my mind, and hopefully find a direction and purpouse about which you are asking. Speaking of which I've been thinking more about buying Leo's life purpose course lately, hoping it would help as well.

If you feel like that will help you find yourself, I don't want to discourage it. But know that you will have to come back and still explore things. It's unlikely you'll just get it all figured out by meditating all day.

[bejapuskas]

@Matiyos What I do, is that I dont have any goals. I just have a powerful beginner mindset, which drives me crazy when I am not improving  

[non_nothing]

I am not met the criteria and I don't really think I am grounded and mentally-stable so I just would like to wish you good luck, success and happiness on your new journey decision, blessings.

[Consept]

Ok so it seems like you're putting a lot of your contentment in the hands of your ex but also potentially, in the hands of a future gf. Point being take responsibility for yourself and become self-sufficient, your life shouldn't be based around you getting a girlfriend. 

What I'd advise is to get to a stage where you don't 'need' a girl but maybe you want to spend time with a girl. Meaning it's actually rather than something you think you have to do. I'd actually say read books like 'way of the superior man' and 'models', also maybe some pua stuff like rsd. This is just to get you out of your current psychology, not saying become a pua necessarily. 

You say you want to go to India but you seem to have a lot of things that you haven't fully understood and let go of yet. I'd say just live your life and do what you need to do for you, once you get to that stage you can make a better informed decision like going to India or whatever else

[Matiyos]

Thanks everyone for your replies

 

@consept

It's funny, I feel like I know in my heart everything you wrote but in a way I needed to read this and remind myself of that. I've had some experience with PUA in the past and I know for sure it's not something I'm interested with right now. On the other hand I also read Way of superior man and now as I recall it's content it also helps me get some distance to this entire situation. Thanks for your input. Also regarding India, for sure there are lot of things I haven't got over yet, the point of this travel would be to get into enviroment where my growth would accelerate and I could get over some of those things faster. I feel like I'm too immersed in everyday regular life, hence I forget about all those concepts from books etc.