Take Engagement Ring Back?

[AlexB]

Hey there, hope you're doing fine I'm doing awesome anyway a bit of time ago I broke with my girl, (she broke with me) we had pretty bad fights but the worse thing was lack of comprehension. She said that the ring is just a gift in her eyes and had always been, witch of course sucked to hear ahahah. I was thinking of asking it back because at the end it wasn't just a gift but a love token let's say, I'd rather give it to somebody that would appreciate it. 

[Psychonaut]

No simply just no.

If it was a love token and it was given out of love you wouldn't even think of taking it back. You are retracting your token of love. You are taking the love away. No no no no no.

Love is about giving and not expecting anything back.

If you want to give a token of love to a new girl then get a new token of love. How would your new girl react if you told her that you had given the ring to another girl and demanded it back. Just so that you could give it to a new girl.

Your girl would think what holds him back from doing the same thing to me?

[AlexB]

Makes sense infact that's another thought I was having about the subject, the thing is that I'm still emotionally hit by this thing and I'm still hooked after putting in years of time for only hearing that she always saw it as a simple gift and nothing more 

[Psychonaut]

@AlexB She is a woman. Do woman say what they mean?

Nooooo! 

What if she is just testing you and your masculinity? Meaning that you don't care if it just was a gift. 

Be a man. Move on. Don't give a fuck. She will come back if she is interested.

Sometimes women are just like cats. A cat comes, walks around your legs a bit and goes. The cat comes back if it is interested. If not then it's also okay. You didn't really care about the cat in the first place. You just get a new cat if it pisses you of too much.

[AlexB]

Heard that from corey Wayne :D, tried to rekindle but didn't work even she moved on fast, I posted the same question in the pua community forum and the answer was the opposite, "you had that ass but if you can the ring back, it's money!" not exactly the answer I was hoping for

[Sarah Marie]

@AlexB No let her keep it. Get your new girl a bigger better one. 

[AlexB]

Thank you I apreciate it

[Psychonaut]

@AlexB

Corey Wayne himself said that people in PUA have no skills in maintaining a relationship. They don't have an intention of having a relationship. They just love the chase. It's like a dog constantly running behind every bitch on heat. The magnification of the ego in a river of sperm.

PUA is just a phase. You can't keep the river running all the time. After a while you will notice that it is not a river. It's just an old moody garden hose, that is bound to stop working when you get older. 

[smd]

First off, don't buy rings for anyone.  Only if the woman is begging you to get married should you consider a ring, let her pick it out. 

Let me back up for a second: were you the one pushing for marriage when you bought the ring & gave it to her?  If so then that's what was the wrong move.   Men should never push for marriage.  Relationships are the woman's expertise.  Don't be formal about anything, let them handle it & they will sure as hell tell you want they want when it comes to marriage process.

If she said the ring was a gift, does that mean you asked her for the ring back already & she didn't give it?   Since it's a "gift", I think even if you took her to court to demand the ring back, you would lose.  Chalk it up to a Lesson Learned.  Otherwise, you could just keep running that same old scam in future relationships:  Give out the ring, break up, take it back, give out the ring, break up, take it back. :-)

[AlexB]

She actually wanted it very bad and was practically begging for it yes, I would never take her to court for it would be too messy.. The relationship was founded on codependency on her and interdependence on me, now that the roles flipped I became the codependent and got emotional attached so the relationship got fucked up pretty fast. All the personal development Ive done helps but I'm very neurotic and lost my center and I see it very very obvious and actually am closing inside of myself and feeling all kind of strong negative emotions so I'm a bit of a wreck and can't even think right. I ultimately dont give a shit about the ring anymore I just want to grow from the experience and get her back at the same time.. 

[poimandres]

46 minutes ago, AlexB said:

She actually wanted it very bad and was practically begging for it yes, I would never take her to court for it would be too messy.. The relationship was founded on codependency on her and interdependence on me, now that the roles flipped I became the codependent and got emotional attached so the relationship got fucked up pretty fast. All the personal development Ive done helps but I'm very neurotic and lost my center and I see it very very obvious and actually am closing inside of myself and feeling all kind of strong negative emotions so I'm a bit of a wreck and can't even think right. I ultimately dont give a shit about the ring anymore I just want to grow from the experience and get her back at the same time.. 

How old are you man?  And what is the rush to get married?

If you want to grow from this experience, introspect on what was posted above about your codependency, loosing your center, etc..

Edited April 1, 2016 by otisranson

[poimandres]

On 3/31/2016 at 4:05 PM, Psychonaut said:

Love is about giving and not expecting anything back.

Maybe my heart has been calloused, but this is how you get used QUICK.  This is what society wants you to believe..

If all you ever do is give, and don't get back, you will run out of things to give and who is going to take care of you then?  No one.. It's not about always giving, there are many times where you have to put your needs first.  And something as serious as marriage, again, what is the rush?

[smd]

3 hours ago, AlexB said:

She actually wanted it very bad and was practically begging for it yes, I would never take her to court for it would be too messy.. The relationship was founded on codependency on her and interdependence on me, now that the roles flipped I became the codependent and got emotional attached so the relationship got fucked up pretty fast. All the personal development Ive done helps but I'm very neurotic and lost my center and I see it very very obvious and actually am closing inside of myself and feeling all kind of strong negative emotions so I'm a bit of a wreck and can't even think right. I ultimately dont give a shit about the ring anymore I just want to grow from the experience and get her back at the same time.. 

 

Imagine this for a moment:  You've joined the US Army to fight the Nazis.  Your'e going off to D-Day.  You're betrothed is a beautiful gal that everybody wants back at home & you write each other all the time.  A few days or weeks before D-Day (I think), your gal stops returning your messages.  Nothing.  Next, someone brings you a newspaper showing how on her 18th birthday, your woman marries the 53-old Charlie Chaplin!!

And here comes D-Day.  With 288 days of fighting for your life from Normandy to Berlin and passing through the death camps.  All while carrying betrayal and a broken heart.

That's what happened to JD Salinger that I just watched on Netflix (called Salinger).  The Chaplins had 4 or 5 kids together too.

A very poignant moment in somebody's life all in a single turning point...with not much time to dwell on it for dealing with death every damn day.  Isn't that amazing?

What happened to him...really I mean no other person's life can compare to it.  I've had heart break but not where it was in the newspapers for all to see!

If you start reading The Six Pillars of Self-esteem and use one of these sentence stems:

      If I bring 5% more awareness to Caprice -

(Caprice is the name I'm giving you Ex).

Then just write down every morning and every night what you would do, some action or thought, at least 6-10 sentence stems as fast as you can.  Such as this example plus a few stems I quickly wrote:

If I bring 5% more awareness to Caprice

   I would see that she's not interested.

  She went and got pregnant by somebody else

  She never cared for me and I was living a delusion

  Maybe if I call her she'll take me back

  Maybe I can get past it

  Maybe I was too needy all the time

  I feel needy about her

 

Then in the evenings you write:

If I reflect on the 5% of awareness I brought to Caprice 

   ....

  ....

 

I found after just three weeks of writing those stems down about my own crush that all of my strong feelings died away.  I no longer hated her or loved her greatly.  Instead, she just sort of became a friend that I could hang out with if I wanted to or not.  It simply no longer mattered one way or the other.  I owe it all to the "awareness" stems from Branson's great Six Pillars book (first pillar being awareness).

I haven't done it this week, but every time I meet a new woman and I feel there is a connection that I might be able to build up, I'll run it through the stems.  Such as:

If I bring 5% more awareness to Sally

If I bring 5% more awareness to Quyen

If I bring 5% more awareness to Rosita

I'll just run through writing stems out about each love interest and gradually I'll be able to pick which ones like me and which ones don't, just by quickly writing and analyzing my feelings about each girl with the stems.  It really helps.

 

You do those stems for 3 weeks, you'll be over that neediness on your Ex.  No more jerking off in the middle of the night thinking about your Ex in a fit of neediness.  ;-) 

Edited April 2, 2016 by smd
typo

[Psychonaut]

@agnosis You can only run out of things to give if they are limited. 

[poimandres]

On 4/2/2016 at 9:51 PM, Psychonaut said:

@agnosis You can only run out of things to give if they are limited. 

@Psychonaut I'm not trying to be argumentative here, but as a mortal being (in a non metaphysical sense), what do you have that is unlimited that is within your control?  Your time is limited, your daily energy is limited, your physical dimensions of your body is limited (in a non metaphysical sense), your money is limited (even if you have billions of dollars).  All that I wanted to get at, was I see what place you are coming from (kindness, sincerity, etc), however, guard that and only expose it for one's that earn it. 

[AlexB]

Thank you guys so much appreciate it grately