The Stress Is Killing Me - Need Advice

[kieranperez]

I'm so stuck in fear, anger, rage, anxiety, and total stress right now and thus not able to take any steps because I'm so stuck in my head as I have so many things conflicting with each other and really need some advice. 

Right now I'm living in San Francisco at home. I NEED to leave home ASAP. This environment is fucking toxic and each day I stay home more and more I feel more and more disempowered, useless, unmotivated, angry, stuck, etc. I'm literally being pressured by my Dad screaming in my ear every single day that I need to pursue success hard and that I'm not a man how I have these moral obligations, that I owe him, that I should be working 80 hours a week, how I should fuck my passion, suck my boss's dick, I don't deserve happiness and that I need to shut up and work, how he's ashamed of me because of all this stuff, etc. I hear this everyday and I just bottle this in and can't work or focus on my Life Purpose because I'm screaming in my head or I'm about to beat the daylights out of him and I have so much built up stress and anxiety. I can't make a decision because I can't think straight. I want to make enlightenment, personal development, distance running, yoga, consciousness to be the backbone of my life and the business I want to start.

I want out of here so bad but I live in this city I can't afford and I'm afraid to go tell my Dad to go fuck himself and I honestly can't bare another day being here. My work gives me no fucking hours (less than 10 hours) so I don't have the money to just move. I don't have a car now either. I thought about taking some classes online to build a career and learn some valuable skills like web development or something and I just get so pissed off because I'm like 'I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO BE DOING THIS! THIS IS GOING TO TAKE EVEN MORE TIME! WHY PURSUE SOMETHING I KNOW I'M GOING TO QUIT?!' 

I literally feel like I'm dying. Like I'm going crazy and am going to have a hysterical meltdown. I have no one to get some real wisdom or advice from. I feel like I need to leave NOW because I can't take this anymore but I don't know what step I should take because I can't calm down and think straight. 

Please, really need some advice.

[Emerald]

@kieranperez What I would do is get a 9 to 5 that gives you more hours for now, and save up enough money to move out of "my" dad's place. Get a roommate or two or three so that's an easier transition and "I" have people to split bills with. And it can be a really crappy place, because "I" know it's just a transition. "I" don't want to get comfortable in the room mate situation either.

Then, as "I" work "my" 9 to 5 and am in that transition phase between living with "my" dad and living with "my" roommates, I'd already get to work on creating "my" business and strategizing the actionable steps to make that business a reality. Then I'd set up all the necessary components, and set some strict deadlines for getting things done. Also, I'd use my dislike of my 9 to 5 to motivate me in my business endeavors. 

For example, in my business, I'm going to create a course for people to use to strengthen their persona and ego consciously to be able to function better in life and create a more stable and resilient way of being. So, I have a set start date of November 1st to begin work on that. Then, I plan to have it all completed by March 1st. So, I know that I have a set time to get it done within, and that I need to find time in my schedule to achieve that within the four months I've allotted myself. And changing locations to work on writing it is something that I plan to do to keep me motivated with it.  So, I plan to go to a local cafe a couple times per week to do the work of writing the lessons out in the course, which will help me stay focused because I know that I've gone there specifically for that purpose.

Do you have any places you can go that are not home to work on your business? Also, do you know what the steps are that you need to take to make your business actionable? Also, what's the nature of your business... do you plan on selling products, writing books, providing some service, etc.?

[VictorB02]

44 minutes ago, kieranperez said:

I'm so stuck in fear, anger, rage, anxiety, and total stress right now and thus not able to take any steps because I'm so stuck in my head as I have so many things conflicting with each other and really need some advice. 

Right now I'm living in San Francisco at home. I NEED to leave home ASAP. This environment is fucking toxic and each day I stay home more and more I feel more and more disempowered, useless, unmotivated, angry, stuck, etc. I'm literally being pressured by my Dad screaming in my ear every single day that I need to pursue success hard and that I'm not a man how I have these moral obligations, that I owe him, that I should be working 80 hours a week, how I should fuck my passion, suck my boss's dick, I don't deserve happiness and that I need to shut up and work, how he's ashamed of me because of all this stuff, etc. I hear this everyday and I just bottle this in and can't work or focus on my Life Purpose because I'm screaming in my head or I'm about to beat the daylights out of him and I have so much built up stress and anxiety. I can't make a decision because I can't think straight. I want to make enlightenment, personal development, distance running, yoga, consciousness to be the backbone of my life and the business I want to start.

I want out of here so bad but I live in this city I can't afford and I'm afraid to go tell my Dad to go fuck himself and I honestly can't bare another day being here. My work gives me no fucking hours (less than 10 hours) so I don't have the money to just move. I don't have a car now either. I thought about taking some classes online to build a career and learn some valuable skills like web development or something and I just get so pissed off because I'm like 'I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO BE DOING THIS! THIS IS GOING TO TAKE EVEN MORE TIME! WHY PURSUE SOMETHING I KNOW I'M GOING TO QUIT?!' 

I literally feel like I'm dying. Like I'm going crazy and am going to have a hysterical meltdown. I have no one to get some real wisdom or advice from. I feel like I need to leave NOW because I can't take this anymore but I don't know what step I should take because I can't calm down and think straight. 

Please, really need some advice.

I feel like I can relate to you man because my dad is the exact same way. I like to listen to Gary Vee, he says a lot on this particular issue that I think you could find some value in. IMO, I think you need to get a job that allows you to move out and live on your own so that you can have the peace of mind to start working on what you actually want to do (the life purpose)

[RichardY]

@kieranperez

Can't you do the Forest Gump or visa card advert thing, and run across California? People for the most part speak English so, you don't have any language communication difficulties.

On the bright side at least, you don't live in the UK. Dark, cold and wet most of the time in winter. Sure there's more messed up places in the world. California though is pretty awesome. If San Francisco is expensive, lots of near abandoned gold mining towns, throughout California and Colorado. Providing you can get a 3G or Cable connection, can order whatever you need online.

Was about to say, although another member beat me to it, I can relate to yourself in someway with a dad working 80 hours a week.

With modern technology housing should potential be less expensive than 50 years a go. Stripout any modern conviences, buy white goods on Ebay or from superstores. And it's not like American houses are often built with brick, but more flatpack like.

1) Life purpose. Rent a place with someone else to split costs.
2) Go a running. 
3) Work for enough money for independence, to buy a place outright. Small piece of land with a nice view, put a trailer on it or something. I read that Richard Branson lived on houseboats for a while.

4) Utter Nihilism. Embrace the darkside. Do whatever you need to achieve your ends. Society does not matter.

Property is expensive, in Vancouver as well, like $1 million avg home price. No wonder there's so many homeless along the west coast.