My understanding of reality hit rock bottom.

[inFlow]

Hello everyone. I'm in a very weird position at the moment right now. I started to deconstruct my reality some time ago and I think I hit rock bottom. Yesterday I smoked weed with my wife and had a nice evening as usual, discussing a lot all in silence, discovering some minor insights etc. But later I saw a window of opportunity to question something, to get a bit of time into my spiritual stuff while I was high (not too much tho, was like 6/10). And then it hit me. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. I don't even know who am I, what is all this, how is this possible. I saw myself as an alien here in this world. Like why are we the way we are, but in a very shocking and scary way. The natural feeling of reality has vanished. I didn't even understand what socks are. I questioned everything that I could, how am I possible to be here, breathe this air, get feelings and feel love. What are all these things. Why do they even exist. What is existence anyway. I was shocked by how much I didn't understand, felt like I'm going nuts.
My question: whats going on in my head right now? This thing happened to me yesterday, but I woke up now still feeling this way.

[Haumea2018]

Sounds like a depersonalization episode which you sometimes get from smoking pot.

I would highly recommend...not smoking anymore pot and thinking less, doing more.

People who are prone to existential rumination should not smoke pot period.

 

 

Edited October 11, 2018 by Haumea2018

[Leo Gura]

@inFlow That's exactly right. That's called a state of profound not-knowing.

In the absolute sense, no knowledge is possible.

Enlightenment is the realization that nothing can be known. Knowing collapses into simple but mysterious, profound, infinite being.

This is not only correct, it is the ultimate Truth.

But there is still deeper to go. Don't stop just there. This is still just the tip of the iceberg of not-knowing.

Also, don't be surprised it this state of not-knowing fades as the ego reasserts itself. Try to keep the not-knowing going as long as possible. Don't resist it. Notice that it is peaceful and nice.

You have not really hit rock bottom. Rock bottom is MUCH deeper. But you're on the right track

[inFlow]

9 minutes ago, Haumea2018 said:

Sounds like a depersonalization episode which you sometimes get from smoking pot.

I would highly recommend...not smoking anymore pot and thinking less, doing more.

People who are prone to existential rumination should not smoke pot period.

 

 

But it didn't give me a panic attack or a existential crisis. It's weird, but no bad things are happening in my head.

[inFlow]

I always try to be aware of my ego in these kind of moments. Especially the next day after, what will my ego try to do.

I just googled some info on depersonalization and I found that people were having bad times with these de-persona experiences.

But whats all this actually? Is this the way to the Truth or just my mind playing tricks on me? I'm still very early in this path to even understand where im going with all these experiences, are they good or are they just traps and I'm labeling them as the Truth. I don't wanna fall of track and take the wrong road.

[Haumea2018]

Quote

I questioned everything that I could, how am I possible to be here, breathe this air, get feelings and feel love. What are all these things. Why do they even exist. What is existence anyway. I was shocked by how much I didn't understand, felt like I'm going nuts.

Quote

But it didn't give me a panic attack or a existential crisis. It's weird, but no bad things are happening in my head.

Obviously I'm not in your head, but on the surface of it it seems as if the first quote is sort of an existential crisis.

Is that over now? That's the main issue here.

Edited October 11, 2018 by Haumea2018

[inFlow]

@Haumea2018 I can either jump on it or not. I can carry on with life without a problem. But when I concentrate and give my full attention to something and question that, then it reoccurs again, the not knowing. It is very deeply interesting. I see my reality in a whole different way now, but it depends do I want to see it normal or not.

Edited October 11, 2018 by inFlow
soft edit on a few words