Why do left brained men exist?

[MM1988]

@Shadowraix you are just confident in your "let it flow freely" point of view because it eventually let to a relationship. I have "let it flow freely" for 5 years in a row and nothing happened. thats life, literally random atoms bouncing around in a box.

[Emerald]

16 hours ago, MM1988 said:

@Emerald Great post, really got me thinking. But no, its not social darwinism, at least not in that form. I understand its ultimately meaningless if you pass on your genes or not. I understand people who do not pass their genes can contribute great stuff to this world. I dont think gays or sterile people are of lower value.

The root is basically this. Its about a behaviour that you see everyone doing very intuitively and flowing while you have to brute force it into your head and still fail a lot.

You probably dont think about how to take a piss? Imagine you being neurotic about when your bladder is full enough, when is the right time to take a piss, then you go on the toilet and forget how to open your pants and sit down every time, then you wonder how long should stay on the toilet, ... its ridiculous right? You will end up pissing your pants 90% of the time.

But the thing is, I think that most everyone has anxieties when it comes to attraction and dating. I can relate to the mindsets that you've been in, because I've been there, especially in my preteens. You may not believe me because I'm a woman. But even in my most attractive of days it never felt like a guarantee when I've really liked a guy, and I don't suppose it ever will. And most of my attractions have never gone anywhere because the guy wasn't interested in the same way or if he was he just never showed me any signs. I always felt creepy and like I had to hide it when I really liked a guy. 

Now, I know that it is a bit different for women than for men. So, I have known since I was about 13 that I wasn't totally un-date-able because that's when I started to get my first bit of male attention from my peers. But this for women, is almost alway like being thirsty in the middle of an ocean. Those really don't count for women, in the way they would for men. It's a different experience entirely as the net is naturally cast very narrow and specific. Only very specific men will do. Not the most attractive. Not the most alpha. Not the most wealthy. Not the most charismatic. But usually just one specific guy who is THE guy. Or perhaps some women might have a few THE guys. But for me, it's always been just the one at a time. And if that guy didn't like me... well I guess I have to wait another 6 months to a year until I feel that way about someone again. 

But you know what kind of guy I was usually attracted to when I was single... introverted, intellect-driven ones who were maybe a bit on the nerdy side who were roughly at about the same level of physical attractiveness (or slightly less as I like to be the peacock of the relationship).

That's who's most compatible with me, and I always had a bit of a fantasy of using my (ahem...) "feminine wiles" to lure out the other more intimate and instinctual side of that kind of guy... and also to really dive into his mind and explore what makes him tick. I'm sure I'm not the only woman with this fantasy either. I'm sure this is quite a common one. 

Now, there are things that are unattractive that that kind of guy could have that would make me not attracted to him. I wasn't attracted to all or most guys like that. But of the guys I was attracted to, most of them were that kind of guy. But if a guy takes things too seriously, gets too clingy, puts me up on a pedestal, or something like this... then it would have made me uncomfortable and made it difficult to get an initial attraction to him. But these are all things that can be worked through. 

Edited October 12, 2018 by Emerald

[Shadowraix]

47 minutes ago, MM1988 said:

@Shadowraix you are just confident in your "let it flow freely" point of view because it eventually let to a relationship. I have "let it flow freely" for 5 years in a row and nothing happened. thats life, literally random atoms bouncing around in a box.

Incorrect. I was completely satisfied in not having a relationship before it happened.

The flow free is not about flowing to expect a specific result, its about being happy with whatever result you get. Hence why I was satisfied for most of my 2 years of being single.

Edited October 12, 2018 by Shadowraix

[NoSelfSelf]

@Emerald Interesting to read female perspective and how its always the same if a guy is not centered(needy,clingy etc) in his masculine girl wont feel safe and attracted and girl has to pick the mind or get to know the guy first to get physical while guy could get his emotions engaded just by seeing that girl is beautiful....

[Emerald]

Just now, NoSelfSelf said:

@Emerald Interesting to read female perspective and how its always the same if a guy is not centered(needy,clingy etc) in his masculine girl wont feel safe and attracted and girl has to pick the mind or get to know the guy first to get physical while guy could get his emotions engaded just by seeing that girl is beautiful....

I heard it once explained that a man wants to penetrate a woman's body and a woman wants to penetrate a man's mind, and in doing so it creates a cycle of energy and connection between the two people. 

This made sense to me because in intimate situations I'm always really curious what the guy's thinking about often ask. It's a really good sign that a girl is interested in you if she asks what you're thinking about for that reason. 

But it isn't consciously for the purpose of testing or vetting him. Maybe that's the underlying reason. But for me, it's just a turn on and a genuine curiosity. 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Emerald Yeah thats really interesting i could add that man dont just want to penetrate her body but penetrate her in every way by breaking threw her barriers leading knowing where they are going making her relaxed,with his presence,yeah so girls seems to wonder what guys is thinking thats why when hes serious or seems that hes not present etc she feels unsafe not loved ?

[Emerald]

9 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Emerald Yeah thats really interesting i could add that man dont just want to penetrate her body but penetrate her in every way by breaking threw her barriers leading knowing where they are going making her relaxed,with his presence,yeah so girls seems to wonder what guys is thinking thats why when hes serious or seems that hes not present etc she feels unsafe not loved ?

Again, that's something that I can't resonate with personally. Maybe some women are like that... but that feels like a drag.

I'm mostly interested in what he's thinking about sexually in those situations. I want to know if he's having dirty thoughts about me because it excites me, and I want to know all the gritty details. I also want to know his soul because of the intimacy aspect. So, I want to know all the things he never tells anyone and see all the things he never shows anyone. This excites me too to know that I'm privy to something that others are not, and that I am special to him because he feels comfortable sharing with me.

So, it's not that I'm scrutinizing or figuring out if he's right for me. I would probably already know that upon meeting him just by his vibe alone. These things are pretty easy to pick up on intuitively. 

And if I'm already attracted to him and in an intimate situation with him my curiosity is PURELY of a sexual nature. 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Emerald Wouldnt knowing stuff like that kill the mistery and not knowing if you know it all then there is no challenge anymore,so you would lose interest quicker..?

[Emerald]

2 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Emerald Wouldnt knowing stuff like that kill the mistery and not knowing if you know it all then there is no challenge anymore,so you would lose interest quicker..?

If I'm already in bed with him, I have probably already been crushing on him forever, and I'm just really excited that he's reciprocating my feelings with the same intensity. So, no. At that point, is the time to go deeper and explore one another. If a man doesn't allow me to go deeper at that point it's such an anti-aphrodisiac that kills all the sexual feelings, as I don't even feel like we're in the same room together. I get the clear message that sex will be one-sided. Sex is primarily emotional for me... that's a lot more exciting than the physicality of it. If a guy doesn't share himself emotionally and intellectually, there's very little there for me to be excited about.

But if a guy that I care about shares himself openly in that way, I find myself bathed in an atmosphere of loving and erotic emotions. These are subtler than the feelings of climax... but they are somewhat similar and even more pleasurable in my opinion because they're effortless and relaxing, and they are all-encompassing. I can really let go in those feeling-states. 

So, finding out more about a guy in a sexual/intimate situation doesn't make the attraction go away. It intensifies at that point. Getting to know a new romantic partner is one of the most exciting things there is.

Then after about three months it naturally cools down, and gives way to a deeply bonded full-fledged relationship with subtler and deeper feelings of love and intimacy as the trade-off for the hot and smoldering passion. There is no getting away from that. 

[Emerald]

36 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

See. Impossible to get a girlfriend when girls are so picky.

If I have 124 683 hairs on my head instead of 124 684 the girl will hate me.

Because of this I have seriously sometimes thought to myself: "How is it possible that ANY guy can get a girlfriend?" When girls demand so much perfection from her partner?

Yea too bad that I will be single my whole life. No wonder I constantly feel a bit down.

It's not demanding perfection. He doesn't have to be perfect. He just has to be him. I just want the one that I want, and no one else will do. There is no shopping around for me. It doesn't work like male sexuality. It's not objective and general. It's subjective and specific to just that one guy... who to everyone else might seem average. 

Men are attracted to women initially as merely the sum of her parts. It's very objective and has to do with if she has whatever things he value in a partner... usually physical attractiveness. But for women, they are attracted to men as more than the sum of his parts. No particular ingredient makes a woman drawn to a particular man. It's the magic that happens when those ingredients are all mixed together to create a unique individual and the chemistry that is felt. 

Now I could 'boo hoo' and say "look at men and how objectifying they are. They're inherently emotionally corrupt and will take anything they can get, and they don't even like me for me. And I'll never find a guy who sees me as more than a piece of meat to have an orgasm in. To them, women are interchangeable sex dolls." 

But this would come from victim's mentality and short-sightedness. Men get attracted in a particular way because of biology. Women are selective, so they need to shop around. Women get attracted in a particular way because of biology. Men can have thousands of children in their lifetimes... but women only one every nine months. So, we need a much more intuitive and complex system for determining the right partner for us... and that's different for every woman, even though some things overlap in terms of what has the most mass appeal. We need to be selective to find the right partner.

And if I don't like that men get attracted to women in that way... though shit for me. That's nature. And if men don't like the fact that I'm only attracted to one guy at a time because they think it's unfair to them... tough shit for them too. That's nature. 

But this difference doesn't mean that being successful with women is impossible, and it also doesn't mean that intimacy and particularity with a man is impossible. It just means that it's a bit more difficult to cultivate... but just a bit. People are people. And men and women like particular things that can be cultivated to some degree. And men and women both need intimacy. 

So, when it comes to the nature of female attractions, you should see this as a positive thing. If a girl likes you, chances are she likes you for you. She won't feel that way for other guys. And for someone you will be THAT guy that her day rises and sets by if you just chill out and allow it to happen. No one likes a Negative Nancy. That's the dealbreaker and probably why you haven't had success with women. But I'm sure that someone's taken a shining to you before. You probably just didn't know it because women hide their attractions if they think the guy won't reciprocate. And your closed-off-ness would probably be interpreted as disinterest. 

Edited October 13, 2018 by Emerald

[Shadowraix]

@Emerald I love your insights and perspectives.

Initial attraction is always very interesting to me in how people pick and choose potential partners. I will often be drawn to a girl by if I find her physically attractive or not. But if her personality ends up weak and shallow to me then I will be completely turned off from her. Its not stimulating. Or if they act in ways that shows how they lack awareness of their own actions is a dealbreaker. Its probably because I want a partner I can openly grow with instead of being the only one questioning. 

[Emerald]

15 minutes ago, Shadowraix said:

@Emerald I love your insights and perspectives.

Initial attraction is always very interesting to me in how people pick and choose potential partners. I will often be drawn to a girl by if I find her physically attractive or not. But if her personality ends up weak and shallow to me then I will be completely turned off from her. Its not stimulating. Or if they act in ways that shows how they lack awareness of their own actions is a dealbreaker. Its probably because I want a partner I can openly grow with instead of being the only one questioning. 

Thank you! I find that usually men come for the sex, and stay because I'm awesome. (blows on fingernails for no reason)  

It just takes a little longer for men to devil up deeper attractions where for women the initial attraction and deeper attraction have already begun to mix.

But the idea with male sexuality does kind of work that way from an energetic perspective. Female attraction starts in the head and travels to the heart (and eventually the loins). Male attraction starts at the loins and travels to the heart (and eventually the head). 

So, if there is not path to the heart, no one's hanging around for very long. No one's really just looking for sex.

Edited October 13, 2018 by Emerald

[Shin]

48 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

I'm pretty sure I would develop such "no one else will do"-feelings if I would like a girl.

Yes if a girl would like me then it would be a positive thing, but no girl will like me as a boyfriend.

If I chill out and allow it to happen? I will get a girlfriend if I chill out?

No, no girl has ever taken a shining on me. Except one girl, but I rejected her because I didn't like her, so that doesn't count.

No women will like you because you don't want to.

If you did, you will work for it.

You wouldn't just sit here complaining like a 90 years old about how he fucked up his life.

 

The only thing you want is validation on how lazy and fearful you are behind you supposedly depression.

No one will give you that here, you waste your energy if you think that will happen.

 

I know how you think you know, you think you're special, but the harsh truth is that you are just one lazy fuck amongst dozens of millions.

Nothing special about that at all.

 

You know what would be special and beautiful ?

You working on yourself hard, and coming back in some months/year(s) telling us how happy and fulfilled you are.

[MM1988]

Can someone just lock this thread please, I was starting it with a genuine question and its turning into a pity party once again.

Edited October 13, 2018 by MM1988