How do you last ...

[Martin123]

@Shin Well thats wonderful. Congrats on being an evolved spiritual being, the desire for liberation is quite a phenomenal sign of spiritual evolution.
But we are not here talking about an enlightenment, we are talking about sex!
And yes we could say sex has everything to do with enlightenment, be it from the tantric perspective, the perspective of union of two becoming one, creating oneness from duality, yes of course. And all those things are true btw.

But when I asked what your desire is, I didnt mean what your long-term ten year plan is, if you know what I mean Lets put liberation asside, and would you please answer me the question of, what is it that you want in the bedroom with that person? What is the inspiration, the need, the craving?
If nothing comes  and it feels like "I wanna just experience some sex" or something of that sorts, I ask you to take in a few deep breaths, and listen a little deeper from what comes up from the inner voice of your heart.

[bejapuskas]

@aurum He is just the perfect example of no-fapper, we should actually be proud of Shin  

[F A B]

@Shin No.

Every 10 seconds you stop for an hour

?

 

[Shin]

1 minute ago, Martin123 said:

@Shin Well thats wonderful. Congrats on being an evolved spiritual being, the desire for liberation is quite a phenomenal sign of spiritual evolution.
But we are not here talking about an enlightenment, we are talking about sex!
And yes we could say sex has everything to do with enlightenment, be it from the tantric perspective, the perspective of union of two becoming one, creating oneness from duality, yes of course. And all those things are true btw.

But when I asked what your desire is, I didnt mean what your long-term ten year plan is, if you know what I mean Lets put liberation asside, and would you please answer me the question of, what is it that you want in the bedroom with that person? What is the inspiration, the need, the craving?
If nothing comes  and it feels like "I wanna just experience some sex" or something of that sorts, I ask you to take in a few deep breaths, and listen a little deeper from what comes up from the inner voice of your heart.

Honestly,

The only reason is to be able to please my next grillfriend.

?

 

 

[Martin123]

4 minutes ago, Shin said:

Honestly,

The only reason is to be able to please my next grillfriend.

?

 

 

oh cool been there done that.

 

Go for it, I totally encourage that. I can share my own experience, the sex sucked and it wasnt genuine.
And If I am being real, it cannot work, because you are cultivating a disrespect towards yourself and your partner by not being genuine with her, which actually deepens the wound of intimacy that stops us from expressing the love we truly have for the partners we connect with on a deep level.'

That being said, if you still feel like you need to do it, I would definitely tell you to go on with the experience. However I would also encourage you to bring more honesty into your relationship. Spoier alert, the moment I did that with the former girl, the honesty was synonymous with break-up.

And isnt that btw the most insane things we dudes carry around. Sometimes we are not sexually attracted to the girls we actually wanna be with because we are afraid of intimacy and once there is emotional connection, the sexual desire disappears! Like what the fuck body, right?! You give me boners for all those chicks I barely respect, and there is this GORGEOUS goddess, and all I wanna do is be with her, and the sex drive goes byebyeeeee.

Did you know, that vibrators were invented in (I think 18/19th CT) because husbands werent willing to fuck their wives, because they couldnt have sex with someone they respected, and so they went to brothels for their own pleasures? The doctors who were seeing the women saw that they had a lot of issues, and here come vibrators. Isnt that super cool and super insane what so many guys experience and almost never talk about?!
 

@Shin I expanded the answer

Edited October 10, 2018 by Martin123

[Shin]

1 minute ago, Martin123 said:

oh cool been there done that.

 

Go for it, I totally encourage that. I can share my own experience, the sex sucked and it wasnt genuine.
And If I am being real, it cannot work, because you are cultivating a disrespect towards yourself and your partner by not being genuine with her, which actually deepens the wound of intimacy that stops us from expressing the love we truly have for the partners we connect on a deep level.'

That being said, if you still like you need to do it, I would definitely tell you to go on with the experience. However I would also encourage to bring more honesty into your relationship.

Oh but don't worry, I will only have sex when I find a girl I truly love.

I really can't have sex casually, not that I find that disgusting or wrong, but because the need for it isn't simply there.

[Martin123]

3 minutes ago, Shin said:

Oh but don't worry, I will only have sex when I find a girl I truly love.

Sorry but then I am completely puzzled with your previous answer, I thought that you wanted to have sex only to improve for the next one, yet youre looking for love? Could you please explain this to me in a more elaborate way? I would like to know more :-) 

[Shin]

Just now, Martin123 said:

Sorry but then I am completely puzzled with your previous answer, I thought that you wanted to have sex only to improve for the next one, yet youre looking for love? Could you please explain this to me in a more elaborate way? I would like to know more :-) 

I just wanted to know techniques to improve my sex performance when I enter in the next relationship.

Doesn't matter to me to suck at it in the beginning, and if it disturbed the next grillfriend to the point of breaking up, it would simply mean it wasn't meant to be.

I don't look for love, I know it will come, so I better prepare for it ???

[Martin123]

@Shin oh I apologise I totally misread your question, my bad.

At the same time I cant help but notice that you are now posting from a much more relaxed and genuine space. Mission accomplished I guess?  

[Charlotte]

Just now, Martin123 said:

At the same time I cant help but notice that you are now posting from a much more relaxed and genuine space.

@Shin I spotted this to. Remember the other day I was saying about "The mask?"

[Shin]

3 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

@Shin oh I apologise I totally misread your question, my bad.

At the same time I cant help but notice that you are now posting from a much more relaxed and genuine space. Mission accomplished I guess?  

No lol

I can't even say I wish I was, because I don't really care that much when it will happen.

Everything happens as it should be, even the "bad stuff".

?

 

[Martin123]

@Shin and just to answer with the right context (even though the biggest thing in the conversation was the energy shift you have already accomplished).
I totally respect the no-fap path, but the thing with these very discipline-based practicices (no-fap, self-enquiry) is that they are very masculine. The masculine energy within us is actually what gets in the way of real intimacy.
So if we are talking about sex, I would encourage you to consider putting the no-fap strategy aside, and allow yourself to dive into the feminine energy of intimacy between you and your partner. The masculine without the feminine balancing it cannot be a lover. Not one that cares, caresses and pleasures the partners needs and connects on an emotional level.

[Shin]

9 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

@Shin and just to answer with the right context (even though the biggest thing in the conversation was the energy shift you have already accomplished).
I totally respect the no-fap path, but the thing with these very discipline-based practicices (no-fap, self-enquiry) is that they are very masculine. The masculine energy within us is actually what gets in the way of real intimacy.
So if we are talking about sex, I would encourage you to consider putting the no-fap strategy aside, and allow yourself to dive into the feminine energy of intimacy between you and your partner. The masculine without the feminine balancing it cannot be a lover. Not one that cares, caresses and pleasures the partners needs and connects on an emotional level.

I let my feminity side bloom for 2 full years, I need to balance that out now.

There is no discipline required after a certain point in semen retention.

Your body and brain adapt to it, there is no sexual compulsion anymore !

@Charlotte

What mask ?

 

 

[Martin123]

1 minute ago, Shin said:

I let my feminity side bloom for 2 full years, I need to balance that out now.

Well would you mind sharing about how youre femininity grew and how you expressed it? Because I cannot help myself my friend but I can tune into you and what it feels like to me is that there is the masculine mind restricting your feminine heart from expressing itself.

[Charlotte]

2 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

masculine mind restricting your feminine heart from expressing itself.

@Shin the "mask" metaphor (used to describe avoiding/hiding/denying a part of the self)

I was referring to (I mentioned throughout the week) Martin has perfectly described here. 

[Martin123]

@Charlotte OO thanks! I have a tendency to doubt my intuition especially because people often can get a little triggered when you pinpoint what is bloking them from opning up, it is always so healing when someone validates what I can feel and see.

Thank you! :-) <3 

[Shin]

8 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

Well would you mind sharing about how youre femininity grew and how you expressed it? Because I cannot help myself my friend but I can tune into you and what it feels like to me is that there is the masculine mind restricting your feminine heart from expressing itself.

I surrendered to all my bullshit excuses in my mind, every situations I was stuck in, allowed myself to cry (even without reason) and to get dominated in bed.

Letting myself listen to very calm and beautiful music, sometimes even song that would be considered "emo ".

Accepting hugs and kiss from people, even stranger and man.

Allowing the flow of life by doing and expressing myself without filter and fear of being judged.

Showing compassion and love everytime I feel it.

 

Is that enough, did I have my femininity license ? ?

 

[Martin123]

@Shin Well its a wonderful cultivation of feminine energy.
But in all honesty, its the masculine mind trying to be feminine. to "earn its femininity license".
That cannot work.

The masculine has to step asside. Drop the guard, drop the inner protector, the one who seeks and the one who charges ahead and pursues spirituality. Drop his duty assignment, put your hand on your heart, and just breathe. Dont do a breathing exercise, just breathe. And with every breath, may you find more kindness, intimacy and genuine compassion within your being. May you be loved and adored for the innocent creature you have always been. May you bask in the energy that confirms that from your birth till now, and into the continuing chapter of your life, you have done nothing wrong.

And perhaps all the "bullshit excuses" were all just cries of your own inner innocence to get your attention. And to them you can now say, I am here with you now, I breathe with you, I Walk with you. I see you, I honour you and I give you the attention you need.

[Charlotte]

@Martin123 I know what you mean. I tend to keep my mouth shut because people usually take it as an insult which is usually just more denial unfortunately ? 

My pleasure ?

Shin, can I be totally ? honest with you? I hope you don't mind me saying and tell me to shut up if you want...

But I think you've taken that example (picture) of femininity and masculinity (we saw the other day on Google) and re typed it in your own words into a list. I think your BS'ing yourself bro. 

 

I might be wrong but I have an intuitive feeling I'm not ?

[Charlotte]

2 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

The masculine has to step asside. Drop the guard, drop the inner protector, the one who seeks and the one who charges ahead and pursues spirituality. Drop his duty assignment, put your hand on your heart, and just breathe. Dont do a breathing exercise, just breathe. And with every breath, may you find more kindness, intimacy and genuine compassion within your being. May you be loved and adored for the innocent creature you have always been. May you bask in the energy that confirms that from your birth till now, and into the continuing chapter of your life, you have done nothing wrong.

And perhaps all the "bullshit excuses" were all just cries of your own inner innocence to get your attention. And to them you can now say, I am here with you now, I breathe with you, I Walk with you. I see you, I honour you and I give you the attention you need.

♥️ This is truly amazing. Truly. ♥️