"How To Never Get Angry - Anger Management For Everyone" by Noah Elkrief

[CreamCat]

I think the following two videos

have a lot in common with the following video.

Following is the summary of Noah Elkrief's video.

• How do we have positive thoughts?
  • Trying to change the facts by changing external circumstances.
  • Receiving compliments, appreciation, love, respect, and so on
• How do we avoid hurt and worsening of self image?
  • Discrediting the source of information
  • Shifting our attention to them and away from us
  • Try to disprove what others said
• These three ways to avoid hurt are the cause of pretty much all our anger in response to criticism.
• We need to better understand what creates feelings and what others' opinions really mean.
  • When we clearly see it, others' opinions can't impact self image. Therefore, we won't get mad or sad.
  • If others' opinions don't worsen self image or create sadness, there is nothing to defend and nothing to be angry about. 
• Others' words only impact you when you believe them.
  • If a homeless person whom you never met said you were terrible at your job, you wouldn't feel hurt because you know that person never saw you at your job.
  • If your boss says the same thing, you believe the words and feel hurt.
  • Words in and of themselves don't impact you. It's only your belief that creates the impact.
  • Rejections and insults of any kind can't impact us unless we believe them.
• When we believe somebody's words, they have impact on us by changing our self image.
• Criticisms and insults reaffirm negative ideas about oursevles we've been trying to convince ourselves isn't true.
• Negative opinions remind us of something we didn't want to admit and uncover what we really believe.
• We often perceive insults indirectly when others don't make eye contacts with us, question our intellect, and so on.
• Why do we automatically believe others' opinions?
  • That's what we are taught to do since we were kids.
  • We take that attitude into adulthood.
  • We are never taught to question the validity of others' opinions.
• Whatever others did, what does it mean that they think about me?
• If they think about you, what does it mean about you?
  • For example, if they say I'm stupid, what does it mean about me?
  • What does it actually mean about you that they have negative opinions about you?

How to lose anger

• Just because they said that or did that, does that mean they actually view me in a negative way?
  • If they don't call me, we assume that must mean they don't like me. Can I think of any interpretation?
• If you believe they have a negative opinion about you, you can instead question whether their opinions are acutally true.
  • If it isn't true, then there is nothing to defend and nothing to get angry about.
  • Often, when something doesn't fit, people say it is bad. It is not bad. It just doesn't fit someone or some situation.
  • Whatever they think about you, it has nothing to do with you. It just has to do with whatever fits their condition and their training of what is good and bad.
  • We can be confused between `not good enough` and `not the right fit`.
  • Whatever bad opinions people have about you don't mean anything about who you are. It's just not the right fit.
  • Is their opinion about you true? Does their opinion about you mean anything about who you are?
  • Somebody could have a different opinion. How do you know anyone's opinion is right?
  • If you can see that, you are free. There is nothing to defend. There is no worsening of your self image.
• Just because you like someone, that person's opinions aren't more valid than those of others. Opinions are just ideas.
• If you believe others' negative opinons about you, admit that you believe those opnions.
• Anger is a diversion tactic. It's a cover-up. It's always hiding something underneath that we don't want to admit.
• Whenever someone insults you, ask yourself `Do I believe that about myself?` Once you admit that, you have a chance. You question the validity of that.
• Could somebody else have the opposite perspective? If somebody else does, do I know that my opinion about myself is true?
• You can also question the overall credibility of your own opinion.
• When you have an opinion about something else, that doesn't mean it's true. If you have an opinion about yourself, it doesn't mean it's true.
• Look how an action doesn't mean anything about who you are.
  • If I clap for a few seconds, am I a clapper? No. It is just something I did for a moment.
  • Whatever you did in the past has nothing to do with who you are now.
  • We need to be clear on the difference between what we are and what is done in the moment.
• In other words, we have to question the difference between reality and our imagination.
  • In reality, you have hands and nose.
  • Boredom, uninteresting, stupidity, failure, unlovable, and so on don't exist in real life.
  • They are not who you are unless you find it now in reality.
  • Whatever you think you are that's not detectable by 5 senses is not who you are.
  • If there is no evidence of something in reality right now, it's not you.
• As long as you believe compliments, you believe insults. Both compliments and insults affect you when you believe others' words.
• Desire of compliments perpetuates anxiety about others' opinions.
• As long as you want compliments and insults, you live in prison where your happiness is determined by how others treat you.
• As long as positive opinions give you pleasure, negative opinion will give you pain.
• Both compliment and insult are based on misunderstanding that others' opinions are real and true and directly mean something about who you are.
• When you see that the pleasure you get from compliment and appreciation perpetuates all your anger, sadness, hurt, worrying about others' opinions, and trying to be somebody that others like and put on a show, it's not worth for a little bit of pleasure.
• Instead, you get peace and freedom to do what you want and freedom to not be affected when someone disrespects me and tells me I'm unworthy.
• When you recognize that you are neither good nor bad, you are just here, and there's nothing to defend.
• When we question negative opinions, we have to question positive opinions.
• You need to recognize that you are not good in order to recognize that you are not bad. You're just here.
• There are just actions and words. Evaluations of those things change.
• We have to be really clear on the difference between what you know and what we believe.
  • I don't need other people to tell me I have a hand.
  • When you want somebody to tell you you're smart, cool, and whatever, you're only desperately trying to believe it.
  • If you know you have a hand, you don't need to defend the fact that you have a hand.
  • If you have to defend something, then you don't know it. We only have to defend what we're desperately trying to believe.
  • You never worry about what you know. When you know something to be true, you don't care about others' opinions.
  • Your beliefs are fragile. Our self image is not real. It's heavily impacted by others' opinions.
  • When you are trying to convince yourself of something positive about yourself, you have given power of your own happiness to others.
  • When your self image differs from others' opinions, it's very difficult to convince yourself of your own self image.
• What we are actually doing when are getting angry is we are trying to defend our self image.
• Since we think our self image is who we are, we defend our self image as we defend our life and our limbs even though others' negative opinions change only your self image in your head.
• When you confuse your self image with who you are, you need to defend your self image as if it were your life.
• A person can almost kill or hurt someone to defend story in one's head.
• You are defending ideas, not reality. Reality doesn't need to be defended.
• Anything that needs to be defended from an opinion never existed at all because an opinion can't affect reality. It can only affect imagination.
• Anytime you get defensive and angry, it's a sign that you are defending something that isn't real.
• You're so scared of worsening of your self image that you perceive it as a threat to actual existence and your actual body.
• Anger is just confusion that our self image is who we are, so we are afraid of worsening or dissolving of self image.
• Your self image is imaginary and doesn't exist in real life.
• The alternative to spending your life on defending your imaginary self image is to discover you are here now. Everything else is just an idea in head.
• Right and wrong don't exist in reality.
• Your self image is completely susceptible to destruction because it's a story in your imagination.
• Allow yourself to just be here as you are. There's nothing wrong with you here. There's nothing good about you, either.
• Nothing to protect. Nothing to maintain. Nothing to improve. Nothing that can worsen. Just here.
• Defending and improving your self image is just an imaginary game. It has nothing to do with this moment.
• Therefore, if you are pursuing improvements in your self image, you are pursuing suffering because you will always worry about others' opinions and argue with others as long as you try to maintain your self image. You will have anxiety because your self image is susceptible to worsening.
• Allow yourself to be open to the idea that convincing yourself that you are good is a key to life, peace, and happiness because it results in suffering.

Summary

• Anger is a cover up for the feeling of hurt. Instead of just letting our self image worsen, we just cover it up with anger and put our attention on others and how they are bad. Or, we try to convince that we are not bad.
• Ask what others did to make me angry. Ask yourself what it means about you.
• Question whether others' negative opinions about us are true. Question whether we think we have those negative opinions. Question the positive opinions in the same way.
• Nothing can make you angry and cause anxiety when nothing can mean anything about who you are.
• Everything impacts us because we think it improves or worsens our self image.
• When you discover that others' opinions about you and your self image are not real and are not you, life changes quite drastically.
  • We are just left here to enjoy this moment as it is, no matter what is happening.

Edited October 9, 2018 by CreamCat

[NoSelfSelf]

Anger is follow up of feeling of hurt...why some people get angry of little things?

[Hellspeed]

Not get angry? What is this? Spiritual lobotomy? 

 

I smell delusion, amateur experience and dormant values.