Self-actualized relationship

[bejapuskas]

Hey everyone,

I was talking about a similar topic in my previous post, but now I have contemplated it more and I still dont see through the wall of relationships between men and women.

I think that after some work, I evolved myself into yellow (I still have orange and green parts though) and I see the world very differently, can spot the root causes of many problems, understand issues that seem very hard to solve at first.

I think, that SD affects everything you do. I can see how it affects business, health, friendship, learning, but not intimate relationships.

I admit there is still tons of work to do for me, I am just curious about your opinions and perspectives on this. To me, love at red-green consciousness seems all very needy and manipulative, more or less. When I was blue and orange, I used to fall in love almost every month. Now, when I see the big picture, is so hard, I am so detached that the kind of attraction I felt before seems impossible... I literally got friendzoned an hour ago and felt no pain at all. 

What the hell is happening?

[Wiijuu]

@bejapuskas You'll vibe with women who are at the same level of consciousness as you. 

 

[Galyna]

I have been contemplating this topic over five years now. It is so freaking deep.  I only met one person on this forum that really understood the concept of real intimacy and sexuality. I wish from all my heart that Leo would spend some time teaching about this.  Osho described the premise pretty good in his book: "Love, Freedom, Loneliness. "

It is true when you become aware of your emotions, motives and thought process, it is more difficult to be swept away by a new fuzzy feeling. When you understand the nature of human emotions and needs, it is hard to be caught by feelings or become off-guard. Yes, you will have emotions and reactions, but you see the illusion so clearly, that it would be impossible to buy into it and drift away. 

Here is what I think: from what you’re saying you gained some level of awareness, it is not appealing to you to play the same games others do. So, it will be hard for you to fall in love. But be careful, it is still possible to meet a person and to get crazily in love, but this person pretty much should be in sync with you and have the same outlook in life. Self-actualized person. When you meet such person, who will be equal to you, you can test if you still buy into this or not. But this person really must be self-actualized!!! It is going to be really hard to find such woman. Don’t get discouraged. It’s the highest pleasure of human relations to explore someone’s deepness, and suddenly find your own self in the other. I could write the whole book about it, and the whole life would not be enough to explain this, it is an infinite burning potential that might occur between you and the other being. Deep relations can help you understand what you need to improve to grow as a human being.  I feel you. You are growing, it is a normal process. Congratulations! 

 

 

 

Edited October 10, 2018 by Galyna

[Forestluv]

@bejapuskas Consider two Orange-centered individuals. They each value personal achievement, autonomy, ambition. They are both very rational and think about the most efficient ways to reach their personal goals. 

What may happen over time? Well, there isn't much human connection between them for starters. Also, they are not working as a team. There is no "we". It is "my needs and goals" and "your needs and goals". There may be arguments over whose personal goals get preference. 

When I entered Green and dated Orange women, there was a very different dynamic. When tension arose, my I valued harmony and talking things out. I wanted us to talk things out and decide together what was best for "us" for our relationship. I valued expressing feelings. I believed that expressing vulnerability coupled with mutual support would lead to deeper connection and love. Well, that didn't go over too well with my Orange-centered girlfriend. She was so focused on our independent needs and desires. She saw things in terms of competition. She wanted to debate and win. If she got *her* way, that meant she won. Over time, she apparently got bored of "winning" and started asking why I wouldn't rise up and take control "like a man". She started mentioning that she might be better off with an alpha male. Tears to her where a sign of weakness. One time in a restaurant, I got sentimental and a bit teary-eyed (not bawling or crying - just sentimental with a teary eye). She picked up on it and almost panicked - she looked around the restaurant and pleaded to me not to cry in public.

Moral of the story: I won't date another Orange-centered person again.

As well, Green with Green hasn't been a cup of tea either. I dated a Green woman with Green values, yet she was still stuck in Orange regarding male mates. It was an odd thing. She felt so strongly about social equality. She did a lot of social work for the poor, minorities and the homeless. She was a big proponent of gender equality in the workforce and equal pay. She was a community activist and gave talks to promote equality. Well equality for everyone except us apparently. When it came to us, she had a traditional gender role mindset that she had been conditioned with. She wanted me to be the authoritarian in the relationship. She wanted me to set the rules for the relationship. She was really uncomfortable when I expressed any emotion - except anger. I got angry a couple times and she was totally comfortable with that.

Moral of the story: I won't date another person that values Blue/Orange gender roles within relationships.

[Galyna]

@Serotoninluv

Interesting story...Have you ever seen his video about masculinity vs. femininity? So what is your ideal partner,  would you mind sharing? Like character traits, personality, physical appearance, life goals, etc?

Edited October 10, 2018 by Galyna

[bejapuskas]

@Wiijuu  I hope so.

@Galyna  Your words describe my situation so perfectly... I am actually having some emotions about certain girls, but its not like I would be totally into them, its impossible. Its like that my emotional mastery cannot be hijacked. I am not discouraged by that at all, I wanna do whats the best for me. I am ok being single anyways haha. Maybe I will go even deeper into self-actualization soon and my perspective will shift once again, who knows... I probably „need“ a woman, who is into self-development as well, so we can become each others teacher. Thanks for sharing!

@Serotoninluv  I have 2 orange individuals in my class that are dating each other. From my point of view, they are very needy, not in a jealous way, but rather in the empathetic way. They just cannot see the limits of their relationship. Its good that you mentioned it, I used to date a green girl too, but when I was orange/blue... I did not see the reason why she broke up with me, now I do, its so simple haha. It will probably take some time to find a yellow/turquoise woman, who would date me though...  Its not my primary goal either...

[StopLess]

totally agree with you

[bejapuskas]

@StopLess  Thanks for making this thread alive again, after we've all grown  Now when I read what I wrote back then I laugh so hard hahahaaha

[kira]

@bejapuskas Like you say yourself you see the big picutre.. you dont have those needy feelings and clinginess that you had before… you dont relay on relationship to make you feel "happy"

and that my friends its beautiful

you will  eventually attract that one lady that is in the same level as you are and it will be a beuatiful relationship in which neither of you need the other for 'happyness"

and at the same time enjoy the time you get to spend together and the time you dont

[bejapuskas]

@kira  Thanks for your feedback! ?

Now I have a problem that many girls want me, even though I am not like trying, but I cannot date all of them you know... I could never imagine that it can also be a problem... 

Any advice on that?

[Average Investor]

@bejapuskas I am kind of in the same boat. I can find girls interested in most new places I go. You'll eventually get approached by some if you are gaining enough interest. I am just going with the flow and flirting a bit with most. But selection seem to get better and better looks wise, but I don't really know them well. You'll probably have a solid amount of confidence from the fact you know many are interested and it just brings more ironically lol. 

I've been debating on asking some on dates that I've made a clear indication of interest to. I just want to make sure that I really thoroughly pick through them. Because I don't want to be set back by someone. 

[bejapuskas]

@Average Investor  Hey! Thanks for sharing your experience here.  Yeh it's funny how it works... But yeh, it kind of gives me this feeling of confidence, power, helps me integrate my shadow... What criteria are the most critical for you? (both, positive and negative)

[Average Investor]

@bejapuskas Yeah, I use to be needy years ago and attracted to people with a lot of issues. And I did not have much luck with women at a certain point. But I am probably lucky I did not. 

Things that would be immediate rejection:

Smoking, drug use prescription etc etc, drinking (maybe in moderation, but would be cool if not at all),  lying, low moral standards, no motivations, no goals, no interest in improvement, self absorbed in social media, stuck in rooted ways/won't look at information. Probably more I imagine

 

Things that would be awesome: 

Vegan/vegetarian, likes to read, likes to exercise, interest in personal finance, hiking, strong emotional connection, ability to grow and support each other, goals, a passionate career or hobbies, explore psychedelics together?, interested in mediation, yoga, or something like that, and of course at least a good level of physical attraction. I've dated some women that were not really ideal attractiveness for me and I have to admit it does not help. There is 3.5 billion girls or so, I am sure I can find one that can do some of this stuff and be physically attractive. 

Edited September 18, 2019 by Average Investor

[Sahil Pandit]

33 minutes ago, Average Investor said:

@bejapuskas

Vegan/vegetarian, likes to read, likes to exercise, interest in personal finance, hiking, strong emotional connection, ability to grow and support each other, goals, a passionate career or hobbies, explore psychedelics together?, interested in mediation, yoga, or something like that, and of course at least a good level of physical attraction. I've dated some women that were not really ideal attractiveness for me and I have to admit it does not help. There is 3.5 billion girls or so, I am sure I can find one that can do some of this stuff and be physically attractive. 

+1

[bejapuskas]

@Average Investor That's a good list  

I don't get attracted to people with emotional baggage, but rather they get attracted to me, do you think that says something about me or not?

[Average Investor]

@bejapuskas Not at all. I've been in a pretty toxic relationship with a person with some heavy emotional issues. But I quickly out grew the person. The girls I am physically attracted to that I see a bit could be crazy for all I know. A lot of my issue was the fact I thought I could get her to grow and develop enough to move past that. Which just slowed me down. When I got with them I had just hit one of the roughest patches of my life and now I am in one of the best now that I have moved on from her and worked on myself. My life and outlook has dramatically changed in the last year or so. I did get her to make a good amount of progress in working on herself, but when I left it seemed she was worse than before I got with her. So it really just cost me a lot of money, time, energy, emotion, and etc. But I did benefit greatly from the fact of where it put me being with her even with the strains it put on me in certain ways. It probably made me a much stronger person as that is the last time I will put up with any sort of abuse in my life. 

My issue is being distracted by attraction and emotion, and not actually analyzing the person. Or just simply ignoring a red flag. But I think this time around I will be okay. I am even very picky on who my friends are at the point and I have one in real life compared to tons I use to have. 

I would think it would be the opposite of a negative thing. I think a lot of people have some sort of baggage one way or another, but it is how the progress and move forward from it. I have "baggage" myself, but my guess is that I would be a lot higher quality than most of the guys these girls are going to meet. I don't let these things drag me down day to day though and I actually work through them. Everyone is going to have some sort of issue or problem if they realize it or not and they probably always will. As I don't see anyway to get out of it permanently. Just like I am probably not going to find someone who meets my criteria perfectly of stuff I am looking for. They might just hit a couple of those things heavily and we have a great connection because of it.