Does Male-Female friendship is possible ?

[Shin]

I want to know what you guys and girls (but especially guys with experience) have to say about that  

I currently have a female buddy that has the potential to become a really good friend, but I don't want to waste any time if it's not (or almost) impossible.

 

From what I personnally understood:

• There is always a risk that one of the person starts developping feelings for the other.
• Which leads to the fact that one of the party will always be used by the other person (consciously or not).
• You can't talk as openly as if you had a male male friendship, sex especially (or if you do it feels weird af).
• The ying yang attraction is severed, because you obviously can't flirt with a friend, if you want to stay it that way.
• Her boyfriend will be warry of you if you are more alpha than him/he will be jealous of you if you spend a lot of time with her (same thing in reverse).

 

I don't know if all those are true, that's why I would want people with experience to give their advices  

Edited October 6, 2018 by Shin

[Hellspeed]

In today's society and mentality, it doesn't work. If she is a spiritual focused then maybe. 

 

I've experienced with a non-spiritual friend and ex-girlfriend over a decade now. The situation is very complex and complicated for the mind driven.  

[Torkys]

Totally possible ime (please factor in that I am still a teen). 

I have had multiple female friends and it can work out really well. It requires honesty though - I tend to be radically honest with them even about relationships and it doesn't get awkward. I have experienced being attracted from one, possibly both sides but I have never used somebody or felt used - that's the only possible con I can think of. Yin and Yang attraction isn't really hindered besides this - only maybe because I am not heavily Yang myself. 

Experience it for yourself and draw your own conclusions

[lmfao]

@Shin I've been in a few platonic relationships where both people are like "who can fucking be bothered for any sexual shit". The intention/attitude you go into a relationship with will be felt by the other person. 

But honestly speaking, male-female friendships are very awkward for most people (including myself). Well I know it's awkward for me because of my religious upbringing but also because people in general are obsessed/clingy about sex. 

Edited October 6, 2018 by lmfao

[Your place at Heart]

I believe in future, it may be possible. Now it feels like adam and eve getting together to make replicate the experience of the original sin. I believe its because of religion, feminism reacting to religion which is another form of religion carrying the original suppression of religion. I believe when sexual harassment and rape laws become defined and non-restrictive or extremely punishing, shaming is transcended, and people are taught forgiveness as the most necessary thing, I believe male and female become buddies and even engage in some sort of sexual encounter without the guilt or disgust or shame or the sin attached to it and become so normal. No one has to regret anything, no one has to feel left out, everyone is nurtured like OSHO said. OSHO movement is successful in this manner of allowing sexual encounters of all members with everyone as long as they don't have stds. Who cares about fake lineage, fake identity, illusion of shame and sin. Everyone takes care of everyone's children because everyone shares 99.999 percent of their DNA. Early farming culture patriarchy and dependency on muscle is gone. The future is machines and machines can give so much freedom to thrive. Everyone taught spiritual enlightenment and everyone takes the no pregnancy pills. I believe that to be stage turquoise.

[aurum]

3 hours ago, Shin said:

• There is always a risk that one of the person starts developping feelings for the other.
• Which leads to the fact that one of the party will always be used by the other person (consciously or not).
• You can't talk as openly as if you had a male male friendship, sex especially (or if you do it feels weird af).
• The ying yang attraction is severed, because you obviously can't flirt with a friend, if you want to stay it that way.

I would disagree with all of these.

You're thinking that the way you make female friends is by disowning your masculinity and sexuality. When in reality, it's the other way around.

Every good female friend I have I flirt with ruthlessly. I'll make lots of sexual jokes and talk about sex very freely. We may have seen each other naked at some point or felt each other up or something like that.

The only difference is that I actively disqualify a girl who I just want to be friends with. So I'll say things like "I'm so glad to have you as my friend" so she doesn't get confused about the nature of the relationship. And I won't try to hook up with them.

I think this is the only way to make female friends. If you're friends with a girl but she doesn't feel attraction and see you as a sexual person, then you're just some guy she probably uses for emotional support but doesn't really respect and isn't fun. So you've got to bring that more "alpha" side out.

Of course, you guys may end up hooking up at some point. But you should be in such abundance and have a non judgemental attitude about sex so that it's not a big deal. It should just be another thing you did with no extra importance.

So yeah making female friends is amazing. I think it's a must for any guy who wants to have a great sex / social life.

4 hours ago, Shin said:

Her boyfriend will be warry of you if you are more alpha than him/he will be jealous of you if you spend a lot of time with her (same thing in reverse).

This one actually can happen. But that's not your fault, that's his insecurities. And all that will do in the girl's mind is cement you as the cooler guy, because he's butthurt and you're not. Then she probably will actually try to fuck you.

[Your place at Heart]

@aurum That's quite awesome response. I envision the torqouise stage of humanity where fundamental basic of primate  relationship forming and bonding shouldn't be looked at as gross and ugly. I believe people should engage sexually freely and take pregnancy pills. There is no such thing as cuckoo or any bullshit labeling. We are all the of same species and females and males love each other so much that their primary fun is  essentially to constantly to seek to go out to the places or venues where so many people of opposite sexes congregate where they display their bodies and attempt sexual encounter just like all apes. This happens constantly and people go on vacation to countries and places that facilitate this all the time. We just act smart with our divided languages and we call it tourism to hide the deep sexual appeal of the trip. That tells you about nature our beings. Our only hindrance is mental constructions such as religion and political ideologies that prevail this day. Spirituality must prevail and return to original state of being.

Edited October 7, 2018 by Your place at Heart

[aurum]

32 minutes ago, Your place at Heart said:

@aurum That's quite awesome response. I envision the torqouise stage of humanity where fundamental basic of primate  relationship forming and bonding shouldn't be looked at as gross and ugly. I believe people should engage sexually freely and take pregnancy pills. There is no such thing as cuckoo or any bullshit labeling. We are all the of same species and females ,and males love each other so much that their primary fun is  essentially constantly to seek to go out to the places where so many people of opposite sexes congregate where they display their bodies and attempt sexual encounter just like all apes. That tells you about nature our beings. Our only hindrance is mental constructions such as religion and political ideologies that prevail this day. Spirituality must prevail and return to original state of being.

I think you're right, it is a return to a more natural way of viewing sexuality. But it's also extremely pragmatic for a guy who is looking to improve in that area.

When you do this right, your female friends will be throwing their friends at you. Because they know you're a guy who won't make it "weird". Weird = making things too big a deal.

[Emerald]

From a woman's perspective, I can tell you it's possible. I see 99.5% of men in a completely platonic way, so it's rare that I develop an attraction at all... even when I was single. It was always only one guy that ever caught my attention at a time. So, literally everyone else was platonic to me or platonic with a very mild possibility of future attraction. 

So, this never got in the way of my friendships with guys. Now, a lot of these guys would end up getting crushes on me that weren't reciprocated. So, that complicated things. And it sucks to have a guy-friend get angry at you and tell you point-blank that your friendship "wasted my time", when you just enjoyed that guy's friendship and all he saw you as was a potential sexual partner. But this has helped me screen people out better, to avoid low-quality relationships. At this age, I can tell generally who values my company and who doesn't, and when a friendship will be a waste of my time. It becomes easier to intuit with experience. 

So, the male friends that I currently have are really great. They come into town every once in a great while and we'll go out to get coffee, to a bar, or to a comedy club. Most of them are into politics, and one of them works in D.C. in the department responsible for fixing the financial deficit. So, I tease him about not doing a good job. But we have fun times. 

Now, I'm also bi-sexual. So, I'm attracted to probably about half of my female friends... but most I've never been attracted to in a serious way. So, that doesn't really get in the way of my female friendships either. 

[Shin]

41 minutes ago, Emerald said:

very

 

2 hours ago, aurum said:

I would disagree with all of these.

You're thinking that the way you make female friends is by disowning your masculinity and sexuality. When in reality, it's the other way around.

Every good female friend I have I flirt with ruthlessly. I'll make lots of sexual jokes and talk about sex very freely. We may have seen each other naked at some point or felt each other up or something like that.

The only difference is that I actively disqualify a girl who I just want to be friends with. So I'll say things like "I'm so glad to have you as my friend" so she doesn't get confused about the nature of the relationship. And I won't try to hook up with them.

I think this is the only way to make female friends. If you're friends with a girl but she doesn't feel attraction and see you as a sexual person, then you're just some guy she probably uses for emotional support but doesn't really respect and isn't fun. So you've got to bring that more "alpha" side out.

Of course, you guys may end up hooking up at some point. But you should be in such abundance and have a non judgemental attitude about sex so that it's not a big deal. It should just be another thing you did with no extra importance.

So yeah making female friends is amazing. I think it's a must for any guy who wants to have a great sex / social life.

This one actually can happen. But that's not your fault, that's his insecurities. And all that will do in the girl's mind is cement you as the cooler guy, because he's butthurt and you're not. Then she probably will actually try to fuck you.

How do you know if she just see and use you for emotional support ?

 

To give some backstory, I met her 2 weeks ago and we fucked for the entire first week.

She was just out of a relationship and needed to forget about him a bit, and I was glad to help.

I cutted the sex part 2 weeks ago though, when I saw that she truly moved on, I didn t want to get too attached and risk being hurt (main reason, not gonna lie).

I also did that because she was too attracted sexually, even emotionally to some degree, like she really couldn t help herself.

I was concerned she develops some serious feelings that would make her difficult to enter a phase of true alone-non-attached-growth (you know what I mean).

Now we can talk about everything, even our hook up story, but I gotta admit that at first it felt weird.

I sensed some jealousy on my part, but I told her right away, also to not change her behavior towards me because I actually want to feel that fully to transcend it.

It doesn't make sense anyway, because I want to see her happy, and I plan to get an another girl for myself, so, that would have been super hypocritical on my part. ?

 

Edited October 7, 2018 by Shin

[aurum]

39 minutes ago, Shin said:

How do you know if she just see and use you for emotional support ?

 

I’m talking more about the stereotypical guy who is stuck in the friend zone against his will. She cries about her guy problems and he pretends to care. That doesn’t sound like what happened in your situation.

I should clarify because I don’t want to make you paranoid. It’s perfectly find if your female friends use you for emotional support. You are friends who care about each other.

But the big difference is that you’re not being a part of her support system just to just hook up with her. And you have boundaries around your time and what you will or will not do, simply out of self-love.

51 minutes ago, Shin said:

I sensed some jealousy on my part, but I told her right away, also to not change her behavior towards me because I actually want to feel that fully to transcend it.

It doesn't make sense anyway, because I want to see her happy, and I plan to get an another girl for myself, so, that would have been super hypocritical on my part. ?

Nice catch.

It doesn’t make sense but that’s the unconscious conditioning we all get around sex / relationships. The ego feels like if they go after someone else, then we won’t get the love and acceptance we need. It’s a belief in the scarcity of love, and it’s false.

[Shin]

1 minute ago, aurum said:

I’m talking more about the stereotypical guy who is stuck in the friend zone against his will. She cries about her guy problems and he pretends to care. That doesn’t sound like what happened in your situation.

Yeah no lol

I genuinely care, she is a nice lady who has lot of potential.

1 minute ago, aurum said:

I should clarify because I don’t want to make you paranoid. It’s perfectly find if your female friends use you for emotional support. You are friends who care about each other.

But the big difference is that you’re not being a part of her support system just to just hook up with her. And you have boundaries around your time and what you will or will not do, simply out of self-love.

Yeah that's right, I honestly think it's better for us to be friend anyway, not only I can help her more to develop by being detached, but also because I can get better girls than her too anyway.

But probably the most important point is to have a female friend, simply because it is challenging and to see life more on their perspective.

1 minute ago, aurum said:

Nice catch.

It doesn’t make sense but that’s the unconscious conditioning we all get around sex / relationships. The ego feels like if they go after someone else, then we won’t get the love and acceptance we need. It’s a belief in the scarcity of love, and it’s false.

Ahah yes I noticed that ?

That's so funny because I have so much opportunities on the side that it is really marvelous that even then you can still feel like that.

It probably is because I'm a turning point from being unattractive to most girls to being attractive to most of them, right ?

I mean it happened faster than for most people, so my brain didn t have the time to adjust yet, or you can still feel like that even if you're used to get all that ?

 

Also I'm sorry to bother you more, but I really don't want to fuck yçthis up, the friendship could be very beneficial for both of us so I have other suedtions ?

What are the red flags I should warry about from her ?

What are the things to not do,  and the things to do in general ?

 

Thank you ?

 

[Emerald]

12 hours ago, Shin said:

How do you know if she just see and use you for emotional support ?

I think that this is something that happens in a guy's mind, as opposed to the girl's. The girl probably would just think that the guy is her friend and treat him as such. So, this means talking about things that made here feel this way and that way. That's how women talk to their friends. They don't change their friendship style to accommodate someone's gender.

But in the guy's mind he think's he's being 'used for emotional support' because male friendships are different and non-emotional and he has a sexual agenda. So, to him, it seems like "How dare she use me for emotional support, when all I wanted a relationship/sex." 

But the reality of the matter is that the guy was just pretending to be her friend to get with her... and she didn't reciprocate the feelings. But that's a very bitter pill to swallow. So, a lot of guys rewrite it to make themselves feel better.

So, it probably feels a lot better for a man to say, "She used me for emotional support and put me in the friend zone." as opposed to "I pretended to be a girl's friend just to get in her pants, but then she wasn't attracted to me so I kept pretending to be her friend... with resentment." It's easier to project that the girl is the user in the situation.

But I don't really think that your situation qualifies as that. Usually it happens when a guy becomes a girl's friend just to get in her pants or to potentially date her. But the girl isn't attracted to him and sometimes doesn't realize that he likes her, so she treats him like her friends. Then the guy makes up stories about friend zones and using him for emotional support. 

[Spiral]

I have plenty of females friends but there tends to be a sexual aspect. Although that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Edited October 7, 2018 by Spiral

[Shroomdoctor]

55 minutes ago, Emerald said:

"I pretended to be a girl's friend just to get in her pants, but then she wasn't attracted to me so I kept pretending to be her friend... with resentment."

Well, fuck that is true shit. 

[Shin]

8 minutes ago, Shroomdoctor said:

Well, fuck that is true shit. 

The good old nice guy vibe ?

Oh boy, so much misery dodged by stepping out of that mindset ?

[Shroomdoctor]

@Shin +100

[Key Elements]

  @Shinyes it is possible, if you stop looking and focusing at the person's gender and get to know him/her for real. The same is true for other things, like "race." The thing to do is stop putting ppl in certain categories and judging/assuming, and listen and allow the person to be authentic.

[Shin]

Holy mother of god !

I had a nightmare where I see the girl I told about having a date with someone.

Not only that, but she was hiding me that she had a perfect girlfriend for me, but didn't let me meet her because she wanted to save me for when she wants a serious relationship.

 

Something is clearly fucked up in my mind right ?

But I don't what it is, I don't love her, and it's not like I was in scarcity mod either, or that I think she could use me, she's like a really sweet girl.

???

 

 

Edited October 7, 2018 by Shin

[aurum]

18 hours ago, Shin said:

Also I'm sorry to bother you more, but I really don't want to fuck yçthis up, the friendship could be very beneficial for both of us so I have other suedtions ?

That is a red flag right there. 

In a true friendship, you’re not worried about “fucking it up”. Think about your male friends growing up, did you care this much about whether it worked out or not?

My guess is no. So you’re probably still somewhat unsconsciously attached to her. Which is going to make things kind of weird between you two.