Personal struggle with Life purpose vs. no self vs. nihilism.

[XYZ]

I have conceived of life purpose as a broad concept, but never as a clear specific goal and personal vision to guide my every action. Understanding that this is not something predetermined to discover, but a choosing, I could choose anything, the possibilities are unlimited. But how can I expect myself to stick with anything, knowing how everything is objectively meaningless, and there is really no self to give meaning to things? I may have felt passionate about things before, such as promoting environmentalism, teaching people happiness, writing a book, or selling mattresses, but eventually realized, wait a second, I really don't give a fuck, nothing really matters, and what can I really do anyways? This has aspects of self-doubt, but also self-transcendence and apathy. Letting go of ego and attachments appears to me at odds with having a directed life purpose, adhering to values and principles. To say my life is about X, or I am working to accomplish Y feels very egocentric, quite un-zen: How is this compatible with a sense of outcome independence, non-attachment, and experiencing being rather than doing? 

My own situation may be a fairly unique case of coming from a life of extreme nothingness. In a nutshell, after high school I spent 4 years as a retail wage slave, 3 years as a college student, and then the last 5 years as a 'NEET' indulging in mainly 3 activities: Lots of sedentary, passive internet use with addictions to things like porn, computer games and TV shows, going for long walks outside all the time, and also going to a yoga & meditation center, more recently also doing more of the practices at home and in everyday life. All throughout though, life was never about anything, except maybe just coping with existence, seeking pleasure, avoiding discomfort, and staying entertained. I thought I was becoming more spiritual in recent years, but now it looks like I was just using spirituality to serve the ego, pursuing zen hedonism rather than enlightenment. Presently, I have no reason to get out of bed, and I only do so because of the need to urinate or desire to eat. I feel happy emotionally, but I have nothing to live for except satisfying base drives and purely selfish reasons for doing things.

So why even bother with life purpose? Because for many years I had known that purposefulness is a practical necessity, a choice always has to be made, otherwise stagnation will occur, do much of nothing, rinse and repeat, die. I am no longer resistant to having a LP seeing as how rejecting LP and being passive/indecisive is just as much a choice as committing to a vision and seeing it through. The latter at least offers more personal agency and potential for material prosperity aligned with purpose-driven action. Still though, I very much doubt my ability to remain passionate about anything, because I have never had that experience before. Reason I am hesitant to delve into books, workshops and courses about developing life purpose is because I fear there might be just nothing to work with, so little sense of self at all. I'd assume such tools rely on the presupposition that there are things people can find meaningful in the first place, but so far my life seems to have been like a reality show about nothing.

[LeoBacca]

Don't justify your laziness with spirituality or nihilism.

Rewatch this video if you feel stuck.

By the way Life Purpose shouldn't be something too serious. Life is still meaningless so even if you spend the next 10 years mastering what you think is your passion and ending up failing miserably, that shouldn't be a problem. Life purpose is about enjoying the process while you do it, enjoying the emotional grounded human being that you're becoming little by little.

If you feel lazy i suggest you checking the concept of mini-habit and to be consistent as much as you can be no matter how much you feel you're accomplishing.

 

[Nahm]

@XYZ

Seems like nothingness and meaninglessness would leave you purposeless and uninspired but that is a conceptual idea, (no-self & nihilism are products of over thinking in the vein of bypassing self discovery).  In actuality there is liberation, inspiration, synchronicity, love, freedom, compassion.  Check out The Buddha, desire, and The Middle Way...Tathāgata.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eQcJtN_Swfk

 

[Erlend K]

The slogan "life is meaningless" is vacuous nonsense, with a phantom aroma of profundity and insightfulness. 

It's like saying "Life is joyless/angerless/boredomless/loveless/courageless/whatever part of the human condition- less". 

Meaning is no hocus pocus, it's a phenomenon of the mind, triggered by striving towards particular goals.

Nothing is objectively meaningless. "Objectively meaning-full/less" makes as much sense as "objectively boring" or "objectively fun": nonsense. Meaningful, meaningless, boring and fun are 100% subjective.