Should I focus on social life or personal development?

[Mamas boy]

I have a problem with my social life and it is making me miserable. I always feel like people are judging me, hating me, talking shit behind my back, and I generally feel scared and threatened by people. For a few years until recently, i never talked to anyone but now, i have tried to talk to people and have mixed results. I think of myself as weird and unlikable, and feel like I drive people away (this however depends on my mood as when i am in a good mood, i have a more positive outlook). i desperatly just want a social life that is stable with deep connections. I feel unfulfilled, lonely, and left out. It is making me misrable as that is the only thing I have thought about for the past 5 years obsessivly. The people I have been friends with have either kicked me out or stayed but I was super needy with them and still miserable. I want to start personal development and finally get to the root of this problem but I am terrified that if i do, I will not have any friends and be all alone like I was for the last 5 years. I am terrified of not having friends and this is my primary driver for getting a social life. What should I do first, improve socially first or finding out the root and not caring about making friends? 

 

P.S. I am a Junior in High School

also, I would love an answer from everyone including Leo

Edited October 1, 2018 by Mamas boy
I wanted to add something that I forgot to mention

[Gabriel Antonio]

The two things, if done properly, can fit together. 

You can focus on building strong bonds, while also for example healing your inner wounds. 

[Viking]

6 hours ago, Mamas boy said:

I want to start personal development and finally get to the root of this problem but I am terrified that if i do, I will not have any friends and be all alone like I was for the last 5 years.

bullshit fear, doesnt make any sense.

just start watching Leo's videos or reading books, like 6 pillars of self esteem (will help you a TONNN). doing self development will make you less needy, hence having better social life. (the fact that you need social life so much makes you less likely to have it)

also social life wont bring you fulfillment. in the end you will have to find something from within that will bring you that fulfillment, like being creative or contributing to society, getting enlightened, etc. you romanticize about it too much I feel. Still go for though if you feel like it.

[Cocolove]

Doing personal development, will improve your social life. It will make you not be a needy friend. You should do both personal development and build a social life.

You seem to cause yourself pain because you think a social life will make you happy. You need to realize it won't, and that can happen from building a social life while being aware, or from personal development. 

What do you do when you aren't socializing/ living  social life that you want?

If you play videogames, watch tv or youtube, or some unconscious shit like that you're gonna end up unhappy. Work on replacing it with meditation, self inquiry, and contemplation, that will help more than anything.

[skymelissaler]

Work on personal development and don't give attention to those people who say shits about you. Personal development is the foundation of emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual health. See how negativity in your life can impact you and how bad it really is for you....

Edited October 3, 2018 by skymelissaler

[Your place at Heart]

Work on both. Personal development is the top priority. When You are able to control yourself with ease, people will gravitate toward you and you get to understand them and maybe they introduce you to others and hence you grow the circle of people you meet. You can understand people better by quieting your mind.