Views about radical honesty about the past in a intimate relationship.

[Elton]

 

The cultural and society condition tells us what is right and what is wrong, our inner compass results from our outer compass created by family/religion/culture.

Practicing morality can result in good spitiual growth as it will prevent us from unnecessary emotions like guilt.

Recontextualization in terms of moral and cultural views is not easy to do, and the emotions that come with this attempt cannot be bypassed.

But if reality is just an illusion than all the negative emotions are illusions too and also are the positive ones...

To be really honest I'm at a point where morality is fucking with my emotions and I feel a lot of guilt on my chest.

Body awareness can definitely be used to let go of guilt, but why does the author of radical honesty think that it is necessary to be radical honest to your partner about the past, why isn't being radical honest about the present enough ? Being honest about the past will always bring the risk of being judged, demonized and abandoned.

 

 

[SFRL]

Read Rollo Tomassi's book The Rational Male. 

It's on Audible. 

There is also a second book by the title Preventive Medicine. 

[Elton]

What are these books about ?@SFRL

[SFRL]

@Elton Red Pill Awareness. 

 

[Key Elements]

1 hour ago, Elton said:

To be really honest I'm at a point where morality is fucking with my emotions and I feel a lot of guilt on my chest.

Why are you allowing this to happen? You could get up to a point where you're thinking about some rule/morality and just let it go -- just like a leaf being blown away by the wind -- the leaf being the negative thought about morality that someone taught you.

1 hour ago, Elton said:

but why does the author of radical honesty think that it is necessary to be radical honest to your partner about the past, why isn't being radical honest about the present enough?

Does your partner accept you for who you are about your past? If you say yes, then the conversation is over, right? It's as simple as that.

Then you could focus on whatever is needed in the present. 

[Elton]

@Key Elements what if no one accepts me for my past I have the possibility of staying alone then all my life which I don't want.

[Shin]

5 minutes ago, Elton said:

@Key Elements what if no one accepts me for my past I have the possibility of staying alone then all my life which I don't want.

Then that person wasn't the right person for you at that moment.

The past is the past, if someone judges you and don't accept who you are now because of it, then you definitely don't want to be with this person anyway.

It's about how you act now that counts, the past really doesn't matter at all.

[Key Elements]

1 hour ago, Elton said:

@Key Elements what if no one accepts me for my past I have the possibility of staying alone then all my life which I don't want.

#1 There's nothing wrong with being single. When I was single, I had fun hanging out with a bunch of friends. We did things like go to the beach, go to temples, have BBQ potluck where we had to cook our own food and bring it -- we were not allowed to buy the food.  Eventually, I got to know my friends during that time very well, and one of them became my spouse. It took time, but at least I got to know him well.

#2 Find someone who accepts you for who you are. I think many ppl don't know who their partners are and just rush into a serious relationship and feel stuck. At some point, be willing to have deep conversations with the person to find out what kinds of values/boundaries that the person has before rushing into a relationship. 

[Elton]

@Shin yea the past is the past..

But I see rigid patterns of repetitive behaviour.@Key Elements finding someone who accepts me for who I am and finding out about boundaries/ values sounds good at the same time scary to me.

Courage , honesty and faith and the willingness to change and perhaps re- frame the ego may save me.

[Key Elements]

1 hour ago, Elton said:

But I see rigid patterns of repetitive behaviour.

boundaries/ values sounds good at the same time scary to me.

In what ways?

If you find a partner who is mature, she will accept you for who you are. If your value/boundary is to be loyal to each other, so be it.

If you have a serious/mature relationship, it will only feel like you're single and free.  No difference. Why? Because what happens is, you just come home from work, share the cooking and cleaning responsiblies, be detached and work on your LP, whatever. You see? But then, it looks like many couples have to work their way toward this. They fight about their responsibilities or at some point get suspicious and jealous. So, they will have to work their way to being "single" and detached again.  (without breaking up. LOL)

[SFRL]

@Elton this whole "people will accept you for who you are" is completely misguided. 

Well they will if you are totally awesome.

Just read the book man. Give it a shot, and let me know what you think. 

[Key Elements]

@Elton just a little warning. Don't make it too complicated than what it is. The complications make a relationship misguided -- too many fights, too much nonsense talking, misunderstanding/not being clear/and then criticizing because you're not clear of what the other person said and vice versa. 

[universe]

On 29.9.2018 at 3:53 PM, Elton said:

why isn't being radical honest about the present enough ? Being honest about the past will always bring the risk of being judged, demonized and abandoned.

 

 

The same risks hold true for being honest about the present? I dont see your point.

The past is an important part of you, so if you did something stupid you should have learned something from it.

You dont have to tell everything in the beginning. For example if you murdered someone you might first want to build a strong connection and relationship before telling that. Just dont lie.

[Matt8800]

On 9/29/2018 at 6:53 AM, Elton said:

 

The cultural and society condition tells us what is right and what is wrong, our inner compass results from our outer compass created by family/religion/culture.

Practicing morality can result in good spitiual growth as it will prevent us from unnecessary emotions like guilt.

Recontextualization in terms of moral and cultural views is not easy to do, and the emotions that come with this attempt cannot be bypassed.

But if reality is just an illusion than all the negative emotions are illusions too and also are the positive ones...

To be really honest I'm at a point where morality is fucking with my emotions and I feel a lot of guilt on my chest.

Body awareness can definitely be used to let go of guilt, but why does the author of radical honesty think that it is necessary to be radical honest to your partner about the past, why isn't being radical honest about the present enough ? Being honest about the past will always bring the risk of being judged, demonized and abandoned.

 

 

Humans are hardwired to produce certain thoughts and emotions from external stimuli. Similar to Chimpanzees and many other apes, humans are wired for "mate guarding", which leads to old fashioned jealousy. 

If you are going to tell your potential mate things which would trigger those responses, why would you do that? That is like dumping a pile of shit on their plate and telling them that they now have to figure out how to clean it up for themselves. 

There is a time to be proactively honest and there is a time to let it go and wisdom to know the difference. What would disclosure have to do with the present moment? Would telling them cause them suffering? Would not telling them cause them suffering? I think this is where radical honesty is used in irresponsible and destructive ways.

Forget about shoulds and should nots and watch Leo's video on moralizing. 

[Elton]

@universe lol

[Elton]

@Matt8800 i have already watched the moralising vedio ... 

But I don't feel its being used irresponsibily but used as a strategy to brake free from morality by using the truth.