Homosexual thoughts, Am I gay?

[BarkingTurtle]

I don't know where this thought pattern is coming from. Maybe it's from the fact that I lived with a cousin which is bisexual and she had a lot of thoughts around homosexuality, as well as I worked with a gay co-worker who was the first person to accept me.

There was this one time where I switched to from females to males on tinder and I've got an instant match, I amazed how that happened. Since with girls I didn't have much luck most of the time.

Hell, the only time  I came to close to sexual intercourse was oral sex and after she came.. I started dry humping her with my trousers on. I just had to take them off and put it in. But what she did she rejected me. She pushed me away saying: that's enough, I'm going to sleep in the room next door.

I was crying my tears out since I lost my driving license that night. Everything came into place. I attached huge pain - rejection to girls and attached pleasure - acceptance to gay guys.

I believe the emotion that is sitting on that experience is stopping me from looking at this clearly. I'm okay with homesexuality as long as any dick is away from my ass. 

All my hetersexual problems are imaginery and come from the ego and being insecure about myself.

 

[thehero]

https://www.google.com/search?q=hocd&oq=hocd&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.964j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

[Jamie Universe]

sexuality can work on a spectrum, what @thehero could be the case, but for me, I'm slightly heterosexual and mostly gay, and it changed around some for me. I'll occasionally have a heterosexual thought, and for a while I was kind of insecure that I was heterosexual (for many reasons). 

But, you should know the problem, which isn't the homosexual thoughts, but these feelings of rejection, as a quick tip I would suggest just accepting the thought - literally just say "That's fine" whenever a homosexual thought comes into your brain, as for rejection, I'm not quite sure, but it sounds like a conversation you need to have with yourself about your romantic life, and deal and talk about the negative experience.

[BarkingTurtle]

@thehero I like your username.

That opened up my eyes!

HOCD is a serious illness and it has to be treated. My insecurity about my sexuality came to an end. 

It's the homophobia that the culture has. Especially my countries. Of course blaming won't help. Looking at it objectively I can tell that approaching any human being or situation where anyone is discriminated with Love and Compassion will heal them towards their path.

[BarkingTurtle]

@Jamie Universe You're right. I get too emotional looking back at my past. Everything can be managed if applied with a spoon of consciousness. Thank you! I'm grateful for your response!

[Haumea2018]

Quote

All my hetersexual problems are imaginery and come from the ego and being insecure about myself.

Sounds about right.  Just overcome the insecurity.

[Hellspeed]

Homosexuality is an awakened state projected outside in the same sex individuals. It is a social personality accepted paradigm. 

One can be born or made, does not matter. After awakening one can see the fine line in this. 

[Hansu]

Speak with a homosexual about homosexuality, their daily lives of living together in a male-male relationship and compare what you hear to your experiences with females. If you are not sure after that then try it out.

Im on the phase of trying it out, and if I get a chance then why the hell not. Its not like I know whether I am gay or not until I fuck a guy and live with one to know what its like

[SgtPepper]

I feel like its pretty straight forward. If you get turned on by men's aesthetic look, their energy/masculinity, their genitals, and want to receive or give to a man, then it becomes pretty clear that you are at least Bisexual. You can easily test this by watching Gayporn or looking at naked images. Don't worry about judgments, How do you feel? that's what matters.

That chick was just being a jerk, many women experience that same thing but from guys. Overall though, have sex with people that you trust to be vulnerable with and care about your needs. 

[CuteCornDog]

Who cares if you are gay or not?

 

[eleveneleven]

23 hours ago, CuteCornDog said:

Who cares if you are gay or not?

 

Yeah, I agree. I don't see the problem here. Like girls, like guys--or like them both. What difference does it really make?

[BarkingTurtle]

 

On 9/29/2018 at 0:27 PM, Hellspeed said:

Homosexuality is an awakened state projected outside in the same sex individuals. It is a social personality accepted paradigm. 

One can be born or made, does not matter. After awakening one can see the fine line in this. 

That's what I thought. I've just experienced the perspective of other people. Me myself, I'm only into sex with girls, and as well I come from a place from tolerance to other sexuality like homosexuality. I believe it's my homophobia which judges all the gay/bi people since it's not accepted as a culture at my part.

I don't know how to deal with this duality. So what does it mean now for my life? I'm a virgin, I never had sex apart from the story with that bi girl.

I believe that's my way of seeing things is just being ignorant to the fact. Everytime I sit next to a girl in a bus, I feel her getting aroused, I get aroused myself. But I don't do nothing about it. I just sit and listen. Like some rock who can't move his dick into their pussy. It frustrates the hell out of me that I hold myself back with girls. And guys, gay guys, bi guys. I let them be as they are. Hell I already said to myself "I'm gay" "I accept it". That's when all of these homosexual thoughts were coming through and I hate to say this, but the moment I think about being gay, I turn away with disgust. I can't imagine having sex with a guy. It's fucking stupid and disgraceful. 

The HOCD article showed all of the neurotic behaviour of the condition. I didn't get it fully. I believe I'm running away from girls and going to run because of the experience I had with this girl.

I'm afraid of girls. I'm afraid of being rejected by them. I'm afraid I'll never lose my virginity. Why do I have to be so specific about the gender? Like I'm proving to myself that I'm not gay and pussy is all I want.

I see through the bullshit and I can't accept the fact that I crave sexual intimacy with anyone I meet up. All of this nonsense I'm writing is leading me to Tokyo. Like I'll go to Tokyo and fuck a ladyboy when I'm in my 50's before going to Mars.

Judgements kill my vibe. I'm too concerned about my sexuality. I'm arguing with myself all the time on which gender I should pick. But there's no right answer. Both genders are great. My mind is so open I could think outside of reality and go back into it at the same time while doing a triple backflip with my eyes closed.