Does pursueing someone really create attraction?

[MM1988]

You always read showing interrest or making a move creates attraction but my whole life I only had the opposite experience. Whenever I clicked with a girl, as soon as I showed romantic interrest (flirted with her, try to kiss her, tell her about my feelings, whatever) it never - ever - worked out. At this point on If I kept flirting with them or asking them out I could watch my attraction go to zero, if I didnt and just gave up we would basically stay friends forever or lose touch (I tried both). You cant win either way.

The only time I could have the chance to have something going with a girl was when the girl started show interrest in me, and this is really rare it only ever happened 2 times in my life. When I had literally zero interrest in her, thats when I was dead sure I could get something going with them. 

So what are you supposed to do as a man? Basically you can only meet girls, sit back and wait for a girl to choose you. If you are ever the one who shows interrest first its over before it started. Its just a totally fucked system, its as if all of dating is completely based on the principle "I want what I cant have, and as soon as I can have it I dont want it anymore".

Cant two people just develop mutual feelings for each other and things go smooth? I keep hearing about it but I have yet to experience it.

 

Please prove me wrong or tell my why Im wrong, because this is literally 100% of my life experience and it cant be this fucked, right? Did I just have bad luck?

Edited September 27, 2018 by MM1988

[NoSelfSelf]

The thing is you only pursue little in the beggining then let her pursue you showing interest directly kills attraction girls are attracted to men hows feeling are unclear...

[MM1988]

@NoSelfSelf that would make total sense but how would you ever establish an emotion connection if you only pursue a little bit and then just dissappear and wait ? That stuff is so complicated.

[NoSelfSelf]

@MM1988 you get the number set a date then after that your pursuit is over then you wait for her to contact you and on a date you wait her sign when its ready to touch

[MM1988]

@NoSelfSelf Isnt that a very passive role? Arent you supposed to be active as man and basically do everything?

[MM1988]

@NoSelfSelf By the way I did that too in the past and what basically happened was, while I was waiting for her to do something I suddenly hear she has something with someone else and its over. Which got me neurotic about "not pursuing enough" again.

[NoSelfSelf]

@MM1988 Not really you think taking action will make her want you thats an llusion love is giving other space to come to you as they pleases ofcourse you lead on a date and everything else thats another thing trap is trying to pursue or taking unnecessary action so she likes you more...

[NoSelfSelf]

@MM1988 you need to be more specific with example does that happen after first date what did you do on a date (what mistakes that you did) 

[MM1988]

@NoSelfSelf By the way, since most guys get into relationships somewhere in their life. How the fuck does everybody know to behave like that instinctively? Its completely lost on me.

[NoSelfSelf]

@MM1988 Some people has it some dont some own their musculanity some dont some were raised by both parents,and some have to learn it or they mess up many times and figure it out or most commonly they settle for less than they want and they make everything right then, when you dont like somone like crazy you will do many stuff good so it works.

[MM1988]

@NoSelfSelf I literally saved your comments to my notes book. I hope this advice is good haha.

Edited September 27, 2018 by MM1988

[MM1988]

I was pursuing this one girl who is perfect for me for some weeks now, making an attempt maybe once per week when she texted me again. She always seemed vague and everytime she texted me I was back in pursuit mode.

Yesterday because I suffered so much from it this week I decided its over for good. Im going to avoid her just so I can put an end to this for myself. Who knows maybe she comes back, maybe not. I have to loose my attachement. She just texting me again wont be enough this time. When shes showing clear interrest like inviting my over to be alone with her I may be on board but other than that, I suffered enough.

@NoSelfSelf

Edited September 27, 2018 by MM1988

[NoSelfSelf]

@MM1988 the thing is when she texts you (like what are you doing etc) thats indicator for you that she wants to see you so you set a definite date no mybe or we will see..shes suppose to be vague not direct if she accept your invite shes interested over 50% then on a date its having fun and eventually after 3 date hooking up and repeat the process...and let her come to you repeat the process

[MM1988]

@NoSelfSelf Shes an acquaintance and a bit in my friend circle not someone i knew from tinder etc.. We only got close and I made a move she rejected recently though. Then she wanted to see me again for something but I didnt make another move because she rejected me the last time and I was back to friends mode. Then I got this "maybe I should do another move" and tried to get her alone another time. But its always the same. I ask her to do something, she has something to do, I ignore her, she texts me again, I ask her to do something, she invites friends with it or has somethign to do etc. i flirt with her some more over text, I ignore her etc.... same cycle for some weeks now. And now im just saying fuck it because i suffer from it. I thought I could take this easily and make a move or flirt from time to time. But I cant, im too attached.

Edited September 27, 2018 by MM1988

[NoSelfSelf]

@MM1988 she doesnt have interest in you ask her out again (to make sure) when she contacts you if she says no then go after other girl...giving exuse saying i have something else to do is bs to make sure say mybe we could do it another time then stay quiet when she says when shes free make a date...

Edited September 27, 2018 by NoSelfSelf

[MM1988]

if she contacts with direct interrest then yes, otherwise no. This shit is making me too neurotic, I need to look out for myself first. Fuck this guy earth.

[aurum]

1 hour ago, MM1988 said:

Its just a totally fucked system, its as if all of dating is completely based on the principle "I want what I cant have, and as soon as I can have it I dont want it anymore".

It’s actually not fucked at all. You percieve it that way mostly just because you’re not having success.

I do know the phenomena you are talking about well. That exists so that when you’re negative, toxic and trying to leech good emotions off of a girl, you don’t get laid. That’s what is supposed to happen. Because if you got laid, you’d never figure out what it means to be happy without a girl.

It’s fine to show interest in a girl. But that probably doesn’t mean what you think it means. It’s very different than a guy who is just overtly hitting on her.

1 hour ago, MM1988 said:

Cant two people just develop mutual feelings for each other and things go smooth? I keep hearing about it but I have yet to experience it.

 

You have to define “smooth”. If by smooth you mean she just throws herself at you and fucks you without any obstacles coming up, that basically happens 0% of the time. Every girl I’ve ever been with required some problem solving. 

That being said, I feel most of the time I meet a girl it’s very smooth. Even if some bullshit comes up it’s still all positive. I feel like I do very little.

If it wasn’t smooth and it was this big deal, it probably wouldn’t happen anyway.

[MM1988]

@aurum how do you show interrest for example?

 

btw. its exactly what I did. I showed interrest by trying to kiss her and then I disappeared. Then she contacted me again to go for drinks and we did that, but I didnt make a move or showed interrest again ("mysterious") and that was it, she lost attraction.

Edited September 28, 2018 by MM1988

[MM1988]

Forget it, thanks for the advice I think its good. Im just becoming neurotic about this topic again.

[Hellspeed]

A man can attract a woman, you don't just sit and w8 to be chosen, you go there you choose, then indirectly you talk to her if you like her, but first is the attraction/arousal you make in her. How you do it? You either awaken and do Remote-Tantra or you learn social skills from books.