Obsession With A Girl

[Guest hi guys]

Obssesion with a girl

I'm a 17 year old guy who has little to none experience with girls.Since 5th grade I spent almost all my time sitting at home and playing video games every day.
Sitting 12 hours a day in front of the computer became something casual to me.
Untill 1 year ago, every time I had a crush on a girl it was litteraly just physical atraction.
I would have crushes on girls I haven't even talked to and I wouldn't even try to talk with them.I was just sitting there waiting for a miracle
for months or even years and I would fantasize about being together.
Last year though,I began to like a classmate(we'll call her Rachel) also based mostly on looks because I only interracted directly with her like 3 times.
She was the hot and really outgoing and spoiled type of girl(defenetly not the type I would want/would want me back),but I was kind of blind to this.
I still had no ideea how to talk to her so I started asking her about school homework and stuff.
I did this for a few times and she started ignoring me.
Like 2 weeks after that,we got our summer vacation which is like 3 months long.
During this time I kept thinking of her and fantasized about us being together almost every single day.
I also started chatting with one of her girl friends that I kinda disliked.It was a lot easier to strike up a conversation with this girl because we had some things in common(we both the same vvideo games).
The reason I started chatting with this  girl is because I tought by being friends with her I would get somehow closer to Rachel.
I texted back and forth with this girl the entire summer every couple of days.
After we got back to school,I started getting a better ideea of what Rachel was like and I realised I didn t liked her personality at all.
But... after like  not even a 1 month after I got over Rachel I started liking  the other girl,the one I used to chat during the summer.
This time I would at least talk and hang out a little bit with my crush.I got a little needy with her(texting and talking to her every single day) and I ve noticed she was starting to avoid me.
I stopped talking to her for more then a month and then I started just texting her once a week and we played video games and did skype calls with her during the weekend.
We would both have a pretty good time and I somehow thought she kinda likes me too.
Anyway...one day,after we  didn t talked for a couple of days I sent her a messege telling her that I liked her and asked her how she feels about this.
First she took it as joke and asked if I was drunk or something.
After I told her I am not she gave me a  bs speech about how she also went through multiple crushes and it was just hormones and it will go away.
I said it s not just something I came up with on the spot and that I liked her for quite a while. She said: "Well,it happends.You ll get over it."
 I said:"Ok,tell me if you change your mind" and we both stopped messegeing each other.
This was 2 months ago. I thought getting an answer would stop the fantasies in my mind but it didn t.  I still think of her every day ,at school,at home  nearly every  hour.
On top of that,now I can t even talk to her and since we are in every single class together that causes sometimes awkward situations like avoiding eye contact and conversations.
She asked me once when we were alone:"What s up?" but that s about it.
Bottom line is: How do I get rid of these fantasies and how do I make interacting with her less awkward?

[Guest]

Obsession is NEVER healthy, UNLESS it's your life purpose. And with girls it's never ever good. But you know that right.

Obviously, the solution that comes to mind to the seasoned relationship master and pick-up artist is: Find another girl. Or better, fuck tons of other girls. Sounds simple, but it's hard to do. You should do it nevertheless.

Also, get a new obession. The only healthy obession in life...your life purpose, your heros journey. Make personal development a part of your heroes journey, and no you don't need to chase after some enlightenment bullshit for now. Just focus on philosophy, psychology, spirituality, wealth and fitness. And then find your very own unique life puprose and go for it. It must so compeliing that you willingly want to sacrifice anything in life for it.

You don't want to be a needy, insecure beta male with no emotional self-control who is obsessing over a single girl. Go work on yourself and get experience with a lot of other women. There are really enough out there for you.

[Guest]

Also, check this guy out. When it comes to relationships and being an alpha male, he is the best.

 

(god damned this site can be ultra slow at times, this is why doublepost)

[Zane]

47 minutes ago, Henry David said:

Obssesion with a girl

I'm a 17 year old guy who has little to none experience with girls.Since 5th grade I spent almost all my time sitting at home and playing video games every day.
Sitting 12 hours a day in front of the computer became something casual to me.
Untill 1 year ago, every time I had a crush on a girl it was litteraly just physical atraction.
I would have crushes on girls I haven't even talked to and I wouldn't even try to talk with them.I was just sitting there waiting for a miracle
for months or even years and I would fantasize about being together.
Last year though,I began to like a classmate(we'll call her Rachel) also based mostly on looks because I only interracted directly with her like 3 times.
She was the hot and really outgoing and spoiled type of girl(defenetly not the type I would want/would want me back),but I was kind of blind to this.
I still had no ideea how to talk to her so I started asking her about school homework and stuff.
I did this for a few times and she started ignoring me.
Like 2 weeks after that,we got our summer vacation which is like 3 months long.
During this time I kept thinking of her and fantasized about us being together almost every single day.
I also started chatting with one of her girl friends that I kinda disliked.It was a lot easier to strike up a conversation with this girl because we had some things in common(we both the same vvideo games).
The reason I started chatting with this  girl is because I tought by being friends with her I would get somehow closer to Rachel.
I texted back and forth with this girl the entire summer every couple of days.
After we got back to school,I started getting a better ideea of what Rachel was like and I realised I didn t liked her personality at all.
But... after like  not even a 1 month after I got over Rachel I started liking  the other girl,the one I used to chat during the summer.
This time I would at least talk and hang out a little bit with my crush.I got a little needy with her(texting and talking to her every single day) and I ve noticed she was starting to avoid me.
I stopped talking to her for more then a month and then I started just texting her once a week and we played video games and did skype calls with her during the weekend.
We would both have a pretty good time and I somehow thought she kinda likes me too.
Anyway...one day,after we  didn t talked for a couple of days I sent her a messege telling her that I liked her and asked her how she feels about this.
First she took it as joke and asked if I was drunk or something.
After I told her I am not she gave me a  bs speech about how she also went through multiple crushes and it was just hormones and it will go away.
I said it s not just something I came up with on the spot and that I liked her for quite a while. She said: "Well,it happends.You ll get over it."
 I said:"Ok,tell me if you change your mind" and we both stopped messegeing each other.
This was 2 months ago. I thought getting an answer would stop the fantasies in my mind but it didn t.  I still think of her every day ,at school,at home  nearly every  hour.
On top of that,now I can t even talk to her and since we are in every single class together that causes sometimes awkward situations like avoiding eye contact and conversations.
She asked me once when we were alone:"What s up?" but that s about it.
Bottom line is: How do I get rid of these fantasies and how do I make interacting with her less awkward?

I can strongly identify with your story of being obsessed with a girl and having such vivid fantasies. My first big crush was in middle school with these girl with long black hair and for a while, I felt extremely awkward in approaching her. I was blinded by this obsession and I told one of my classmates that i had a crush on her and she found out about the crush and she gave me the "let's just be friends" speech. When I was still feeling this puppy love, I was in my deeply awkward phase where I struggled with socializing with both genders and I always felt alienated from my peers. To talk to her more, I started sitting at lunch with her more and I was unconsciously acting needy and almost clingy. Today, I've got much better at talking to girls and now I've gained a lot more confidence to ask girls out and that resulted in dance dates, lunch/dinner meetups and coffee meetups. I learned that the awkwardness is a phase and that socializing is a skill that takes practice and progress and time. I focus on being completely authentic and I embrace the awkwardness! I tell some girls my genuine feelings and they accept these feelings and when I cross the line they let me know without being too critical. I embrace my authentic self and I don't try to fake confidence or become an Alpha Male. There are a wide variety of strategies for talking with girls and you need to discover some strategies, apply them, and use progress and time as your allies. I learned how to balance comedy, eccentricity, and authenticity while socializing. Look at someone like Leo who used to very awkward and nerdy and how he made great progress through learning pickup and dating many girls and pursuing personal development actively. I learned how to use my eccentricity and enthusiasm to my full advantage rather than become "normal" or an alpha male. 

Edited March 29, 2016 by Zane

[Guest hi guys]

First of all thanks for your replies.I apreciate it. 

To be fair ,the number of  girls I interact with is quite low.But even  when I do interact  with  beautifull girls  I'am just not that interested,mostly because they all seem a bunch of bimbos that  I have nothing in common with. I know I shouldn t have soo big expectatioms since I myself am not quite ideal guy,but I don t just want a girlfriend for the sake of it. She has all these amazing qualities in my opinion( she is playfull,preatty,decent body weight and just my height,takes care of herself while not being obsesses with her looks,has quite impressive performances in school and we have a decent amount of stuff in common).  I keep some of her bad qualities in check but they seem minor and I am not really hung up on them.

I fell into the trap of thinking that I found the perfect girl last year with Rachel too when I didn t knew her that much but I  tought she was perfect for me.It turned out that I didn t liked her at all. I am aware that it might be the same case here ,but I spent quite some time with her and got to know her a little.

The fact that I told her"Tell me if you change your mind" really keeps my hopes up that if I improve she might come around and change her mind about me. 

I feel that she was a great oportunity for  a good healthy relantionship that I missed,and I bash myself with thoughts  that "if only I didn t do this or that( I did a lot of things wrong and  was unaware of it)".

And eveytime she is around me  I get nervous and act wierd (stop talking) which  probably makes her realise even more that she  doesen t like me due to me being a little anti social in general.(I know girls like fun social guys)

I  also started comparing myself with other guys A LOT especially with the guys she  interracts with  but I do it even with guys she doesen t even know. 

The fact that I  see so much better options then me out there makes me quite depressed and every time I get a little over it and I see her hanging with other guys I get quite sad aswell and on top of that the thought of she possibly seeing me acting wierd and being sad  affects me even more.

[oschi]

You used the word "perfect" a few times. Forget this word. It has no value. "Perfection" is the illusion of thinking that you can get something and then you are happy. You should be happy at this moment. You tried to interact with the girls. It didn't work out that well. But you had the balls to go forward. You made some experience. Don't make it a bigger problem than it actually is. You are very young. Don't compare yourself too much with others because you are unique. You have your own qualities. And your job is to find your qualities. I remember that when I tried desperately connecting to a girl it was rather weird for her. When I rather behaved in a cool way, like not making such a great thing about it, then they rather tend to be attracted to you. If you really want to have something, you will get it. If you really want to have somebody, they will resist. If you just show them appreciation and don't exaggerate they will associate you with something positive and that is were you get closer to them. 

[Harry]

@Zane I think you misunderstand what it means to be an alpha male. Being an alpha male IS being your authentic self, once you cut out all the 'awkward' bullshit. Seems to me like you are one. 

Don't treat a girl as some speical flower or you will get dumped within seconds.

@All-In Sorry mate but your mindset is fucked. 

1) Stop chasing this girl NOW. She communicated she wasn't interested so she doesn't deserve another chance with you. If you keep chasing you are more likely to get a restraining order than a date.

2) 'The fact that I told her"Tell me if you change your mind" really keeps my hopes up that if I improve she might come around and change her mind about me.' 

This is a trap. You probably chased her away far too much to ever get her back. Holding onto these futile hopes will hold you back from going out and finding another girl.

3) Work on your social skills. (If you need some advice on this let me know)

4) Learn how women think. (Believe me this will explain a lot for you) I find Coach Corey Wayne gives the clearest advice on this topic.

On 29/03/2016 at 8:09 PM, Guest said:

Also, check this guy out. When it comes to relationships and being an alpha male, he is the best.

 

(god damned this site can be ultra slow at times, this is why doublepost)

Check this guy out. Read his book (it's free) and in a few weeks you'll have dozens of girls dieing to date you ;).