Authenticity

[YaMayka]

I have been thinking over authenticity lately because I've been doing quite some self-reflection and shadow work etc. Plus there was a video of Teal Swan that also made me think about it - in a very short summary she says that people who don't like being in other people's company are not authentic because they are not showing their true self to them and it is tiresome, they can only be themselves when they are alone. And as usually with her videos I agreed only to certain extend because there is a ring of truth to it (but there are too many other factors that contribute in my opinion - but it's for another post ;)).

Anyway, what I was wondering is if not showing a part of who we are to other people is a lie? We all do it: showing only certain face to certain person because we think it will resonate best with her/him or we know that this person is not ready to know all about us - they are too closed minded or on another level than we are. Bah, we are often hiding stuff from ourselves - in that sense it is lying I guess, so is it also lying to other people? Most of the people I know have no clue about me. They are not bothered to know me and I am not bothered to make them know me. I often hide what I think - I don't explicitly lie but I don't speak out. Am I unauthentic?

[YaMayka]

Well, I suppose it does not mean that we have to share our every dark thought as we don’t need to act on it. Apparently we are not our thoughts anyway so, is being authentic something to aspire to? If yes, then to what degree? I just want to be true to my nature and I always thought that lying is not a way to go if you want to achieve it. Maybe I am censoring myself by adjusting my behaviour and communication to others. Maybe it is not a useful approach. 

[Nahm]

@YaMayka

What if alone is as authentic as it gets?

[Hellspeed]

Being authentic and free is the key  

[YaMayka]

I remember from Castaneda’s books that don Juan even advised to leave everybody we know and live somewhere else so that their image of us would not affect our authenticity. (If I remember well, I read it long time ago). It does indeed imply that we are somehow incapable of being authentic when in company of others. So back to my question- am I a lier by not being fully authentic with other people? What if I don’t want to... hmmm

[Torkys]

Authenticity is expressing whatever wants to be expressed in you.

You resist your authentic self's desires because you have an attachment to others seeing you a certain way - and that's the definition of a lie. In fact, if you were 100% authentic all the time, your ego would die.

[YaMayka]

@Torkys I see your point and all I can come up with now is mostly excuses why it is not possible. I don’t know if my ego would die but most of my friendships and my job. I still have to work on that. I suppose you realise that not many people follow that path and that they do not understand what we are talking about here. Another excuse  That is why I have always loved dancing - no hiding there... Maybe I could start with small steps. Now I don’t lie explicitly but I should probably move forward and be more authentic in expressing myself.

[Torkys]

@YaMayka The ego's substance is Resistance. Without Resistance to anything, the ego dies.

Authenticity (a lack of conflict between the inner and the outer) is truly what you desire. You can't comprihend what that means - as long as we are in it, we can't grasp it fully.

A good place to look for authentic desires are dreams, fantasies, even fetishes (and on fundamentally on the ego's level - thoughts). Decode them - vividly imagine the opposite and see what you gain with your desire. 

 

41 minutes ago, YaMayka said:

Now I don’t lie explicitly

Look for white lies though. Watch this video if you haven't already:

 

[Ayilton]

22 hours ago, YaMayka said:

I have been thinking over authenticity lately because I've been doing quite some self-reflection and shadow work etc. Plus there was a video of Teal Swan that also made me think about it - in a very short summary she says that people who don't like being in other people's company are not authentic because they are not showing their true self to them and it is tiresome, they can only be themselves when they are alone. And as usually with her videos I agreed only to certain extend because there is a ring of truth to it (but there are too many other factors that contribute in my opinion - but it's for another post ;)).

Anyway, what I was wondering is if not showing a part of who we are to other people is a lie? We all do it: showing only certain face to certain person because we think it will resonate best with her/him or we know that this person is not ready to know all about us - they are too closed minded or on another level than we are. Bah, we are often hiding stuff from ourselves - in that sense it is lying I guess, so is it also lying to other people? Most of the people I know have no clue about me. They are not bothered to know me and I am not bothered to make them know me. I often hide what I think - I don't explicitly lie but I don't speak out. Am I unauthentic?

No for sure  ! We can't just put everything on the table  , it can overwhelming  ! It's called self monitoring - the ability to display and hide certain parts of self or presenting diferent personalities at different times  ! 

I think it's human nature, to only show what is necessary  and keep things simple  ! Only digging deep when necessary 

Authenticity doesn't have to do with that  ! I can see that you are conscious of your flows so it's okay  ! Arawenes is key 

[Psyche_92]

21 hours ago, Caterpillar said:

If I was 100% authentic I would be put in jail lol. I think most people would

This is ego making you scared, trying to keep you in the jail of delusion.

Try to challenge that thought. Run around it. Dive deep into the unknown and burn.

Edited September 28, 2018 by Psyche_92

[Psyche_92]

15 hours ago, Torkys said:

Authenticity is expressing whatever wants to be expressed in you.

You resist your authentic self's desires because you have an attachment to others seeing you a certain way - and that's the definition of a lie. In fact, if you were 100% authentic all the time, your ego would die.

This guy know's whats up. You don't need any other answer.

Edited September 28, 2018 by Psyche_92

[Artaemis]

17 hours ago, Torkys said:

Authenticity is expressing whatever wants to be expressed in you.

You resist your authentic self's desires because you have an attachment to others seeing you a certain way - and that's the definition of a lie. In fact, if you were 100% authentic all the time, your ego would die.

This is very reassuring. I've been battling my authenticity recently. It creeps in more and more every day.

[Barry J]

Authenticity is liberation

[YaMayka]

I think I indeed keep hiding parts of me out of fear of judgement or rejection of others, it is one of my defence mechanism. I will try to be more aware of it now. Awareness is crucial  Seems it was a good question to ask afte all. Teal gives me creeps but that was a useful pointer.

[Torkys]

@YaMayka Good luck and stay conscious! ? 

[YaMayka]

I'm discovering that I am more inauthentic than I have thought... I have been lying to myself about many things, hiding out of fear of rejection. My family doesn't really know me because I have been showing them the face that they were prepared (in my mind) to accept. Now I am lost in this labyrinth and it is hard to restart. It is easier with a stranger because they have no expectations and you don't care about their opinion. I'm afraid of loosing them all and am afraid of all the battles I'd need to have to be myself in front of them. How do you manage?

[Psyche_92]

2 hours ago, YaMayka said:

I'm discovering that I am more inauthentic than I have thought... I have been lying to myself about many things, hiding out of fear of rejection. My family doesn't really know me because I have been showing them the face that they were prepared (in my mind) to accept. Now I am lost in this labyrinth and it is hard to restart. It is easier with a stranger because they have no expectations and you don't care about their opinion. I'm afraid of loosing them all and am afraid of all the battles I'd need to have to be myself in front of them. How do you manage?

I'm discovering that I am more inauthentic than I have thought...

We all are, so that doesn't matter.

My family doesn't really know me because I have been showing them the face that they were prepared (in my mind) to accept.

This goes the other way around. "your family" is not authentic either. They are also presenting themselves with a fake mask.

I'm afraid of loosing them all and am afraid of all the battles I'd need to have to be myself in front of them. How do you manage?

This is a well known "struggle". I've gone through this myself, and sometimes i'm still having this. There is a risk that you might lose some people, but that doesn't mean that no one will like you. In the long run it's even better to lose those who don't like you for who you are. Being someone that has to live up to the image that other people have inside their minds, is a real struggle. In that case, you are basically a prisoner, because you have to act and do whatever to keep their dream happy.

[Elysian]

Agree with the above. I think this is what going with the flow is about. If you just be genuine sure people will leave your life, they were in your life based on who they thought you were. But as they leave people who genuinely are interested in the authentic you will step in to replace them. Relationships aren't permanent, trust in the process and you'll get who and what you need when the time comes.

I also want to reiterate finding your true self in your dreams. If you can't remember much of your dreams I suggest starting a dream journal. In my dreams all of my inhibitions hit the floor. Curiosity, anger, lust, joy, they all flow naturally in the dream state. Without fear of the repercussions, for 'better' or for 'worse'. Authentic isn't simply expressing good parts of yourself, it's being true to your nature, letting your nature flow through you unimpeded with care of outcome thrown to wind. It's hard to be ok with the consequences of that when you use your mind to mitigate damage, because you've become too attached to society accepting you and too averse to the town getting together to lynch you. The ego simply isn't compatible with authenticity.

In dreams I've destroyed entire solar systems in a bout of rage, and I've also loved more deeply than I've ever been willing to while awake. It's really impossible to fathom the depth of your true nature from the lens of ego.

Edited October 26, 2018 by Elysian
Grammar

[Joseph Maynor]

Authenticity is something that becomes much easier the older you get.  This is why elderly people don’t give a shit what they say to people.  You just get to the point where you stop caring about having that filter.  Children are raised to have a filter, to not be blunt, to not talk back.  But as you get older, that falls away like a husk, like an old skin.  Authenticity and assertiveness go together like ham and eggs.

Edited October 26, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[YaMayka]

I know the others are not authentic either but it is not my responsibility to change that - it's up to them. I would love other people to be authentic, it is then easier to do the same for myself. 

Being authentic would require revealing the part of me that is searching here, that believes in chakras and other non mainstream stuff. My partner is very orange and for him it's mambo jumbo BS. If I had no children I'd be willing to take risk more easily but my daughter loves me and her dad very very much and I want her to be happy. It would crush her world if something happened to the family.

But you are all right that it is not a proper way to live and sooner or later I will have to face it. Maybe with little steps at the beginning. I just feeeeel that resistance in me, which is probably a good indicator what's the problem...

I dream a lot, sometimes I do write my dreams in a journal, they are quite helpful if I manage to figure them out (sometimes I forget them).

I am more authentic with my friends and at work (only starting though), trying to stop avoiding conflict, to work on other of my issues. Maybe that will give me encouragement (and courage) to face the closest to me as well...

And I thought I was pretty well sorted out buhaha!!