Should I love my Ego?

[Amanda R Batista]

Hey, I just watched last Leo´s video (What Is Love?) and I do agree that our Ego causes the most problems in this world. But shouldn´t I learn how to love my Ego as well? I actually have been blaming my Ego for all my mistakes and I feel this is not helpful for my spiritual growth. Any advice? 

[Sahil Pandit]

@Amanda R Batista You can't hate your ego. That is only gonna make things harder and more complicated. Counter intuitively, you want to love your ego to death. 

[Martin123]

@Amanda R Batista Yes definitely.
Ego acts insanely only for the purpose of getting your loving attention. Just as a naughty child with a parent would, same dynamic.

[Leo Gura]

@Amanda R Batista Lol, you are speaking about ego as if it's a pet of yours.

You don't have ego.

YOU are EGO!

What you're asking is, should I love myself or hate myself? Either way is fine. Up to you.

[Forestluv]

24 minutes ago, Outer said:

Ego for most people means being self-centered, i.e "that guy has a big ego". It's seen as something separate from oneself.

Yep. A super common trap for beginner's. The self/ego is super sneaky. It creates a diversion: "Hey look over there!!! It's an ego full of stuff I don't like. It's self-centered, it wants lots of attention, it's judgmental, critical, greedy, anxious. . . If I want to grow and get spiritual, I better start dealing with this ego problem. I better read some books about how to deal with my ego". It's a waste of time. It's actually counter-productive. It reinforces the illusion that a self and ego exist.

It's just a game the ego plays to keep itself in the game. Once you are onto this game, the ego has plenty of tricks.

The ego creates a bunch of words for itself to muddy the waters. "I", "me", "self", "ego" are all the same. 

One exercise you can do is stop calling the self/ego by a name as if it is a noun. As if it is a thing. Rather, try referring to yourself as a verb. I.e. "Right now, I am Amandaing". That will disable the intricate life story the self/ego has created.

[Gabriel Antonio]

@Martin123 Yes! 

 

4 hours ago, Amanda R Batista said:

But shouldn´t I learn how to love my Ego as well?

Right. You can make the ego your ally, but don’t let it control you.

“The mind is a great servant but a lousy master.” — Osho 

 

A lot of people neurotically try to fight the ego, but it’s one of those things where the more you push it, the more it pushes you back. 

Edited September 26, 2018 by Gabriel Antonio

[Forestluv]

16 minutes ago, Outer said:

See an example here:

 

I know a lot people are into self-inquiry with "who am I"? Yet an ego can go through hundreds of ideas until it gets exhausted and gives up. I think it is faster for a beginner to get to the "observer + object" stage as soon as possible. It's only a step forward, because the self/ego will attach and identify to this new "observer". Yet, it's a huge step forward for beginners because there is realization that everything the self/ego identified with is a sham. Now, we've go to deal with identifying with the "observer", yet IMO this is the biggest spiritual awakening most people will attain in their lifetime. It's like someone realizes they have been playing an actor on a stage their whole life and that isn't who they are. It seems so basic in spiritual circles, yet I think it's very rare in the general population.

[Hellspeed]

No, start by loving every cell in your body. 

[WelcometoReality]

4 hours ago, Amanda R Batista said:

Hey, I just watched last Leo´s video (What Is Love?) and I do agree that our Ego causes the most problems in this world. But shouldn´t I learn how to love my Ego as well? I actually have been blaming my Ego for all my mistakes and I feel this is not helpful for my spiritual growth. Any advice? 

Blaming only causes separation. The ego is a part of you so take full responsability for it. When you allow it to be as it is it will integrate and thus stopping separation.

I'm not saying you should express the ego. It's a part of you but not what you truly are in it's limited form. Expression of it means you instead cause separation externally which is apart of its illusion. Instead listen to it don't express it. Be its loving friend that always is there to listen.

[Forestluv]

@Gabriel Antonio I'm not a fan of that Eckart Tolle quote. That reinforces the narrative that there is a "You" at odds with an "Ego". It says this "You" cannot fight the "ego" and win. That "You" cannot fight darkness and win. This is the type of feel-good fluffy stuff that will resonate with a beginner. Beginners have set up a dichotomy of "me" over here and "ego" over there. 

This type of rhetoric is non-threatening to the ego/self and it may gently introduce people to spirituality. The problem is that it is misleading and reinforces the game the self/ego has set up. That is why the ego will *love* this type of rhetoric. "See!! Even Eckart Tolle says there is a "me" and an "ego!!". 

I think we should tell newbies straight-up: "You are Ego". The entire story about yourself is you/self/ego. It's going to hurt, but lets rip off the band-aid and show them some truth. That way they can get straight to business and start deconstructing the self/ego rather than strengthening the self/ego. I spent years immersed in this "me and my ego" mentality. It's a waste of time and it's counter-productive. Someone might feel some relief at first, but it creates longer term problems because it fractures the personality construct into "me" and "ego". IMO, it's lazy spirituality. 

[Forestluv]

13 minutes ago, Outer said:

You're not meant to go through hundreds of ideas with self-inquiry, the inquiry is meant to quiet the thoughts, it's unanswerable by thought so it's pointless to think an answer with thought. When one has reached the stage of quieting thoughts one can ask who wants to inquiry, etc. "Where am I?" is also useful, "Who hears?" "Who sees?" see it's not only one type of question, it's any on the look out for i/me. "whom did this thought arrive to?"

I consider that type of inquiry an advanced beginner stage. I don't think people who have never meditated or done introspection can jump into that type of self-inquiry effectively. I think meditation while counting breaths is better to quiet thoughts. And every time a thought arises to label it as a thought. Even recognizing a thought it a major jump up in consciousness for a newcomer.

Most newcomers to spirituality are completely immersed into their thoughts and feelings. There is no space. They ARE their thoughts and feelings. They ARE their story. If asked to contemplate "who am I" the mind will be like "Duh, I'm Harry. I live in California. I'm a 42 year old carpenter. I have two kids, a dog and a cat. Hmmm, what else? I like going to baseball games, rock concerts and art galleries. . ." It would be like a bio for a dating app. Your suggestion is a form of the "observer + object" stage, yet I think it's more advanced than simply being able to recognize a thought. Most newcomers have never even witnessed one of their thoughts - because they ARE their thoughts. 

Perhaps I am underestimating people who have never meditated or done any introspection. 

[Forestluv]

10 minutes ago, Outer said:

That's not correct from the newbie's point of view, as they view ego as something completely different than you. What people call ego is something different than what we mean, hence ego is just one way to invite people who want to be a good i/me to relinquish ego. You will just scare them away as they're not ego from their pov, they are i/me and i am battling against ego. What will help is you saying, i/me/ego or just saying that ego is the same thing as i/me. So hence they will think themselves as i/me but that this is the same thing as ego in spirituality, not in normal day talk.

Sure, telling a newbie "You" and "Ego" are separate is non-threatening. Yet, it just digs their hole deeper. Why put on this charade for them? Imagine going to your meditation group with seasoned meditators and the leader makes an announcement "Today we will have someone new to the practice joining us. So to be non-threatening to her, we will all pretend that "You" and "The Ego" are separate. During the next three months we will only read misleading books that refer to "You" and "Ego" as separate entities and we will all speak as if this is actually true. Then once she gets comfortable in the group, we will let her know we fed her a pile of lies so she wouldn't get scared away. 

[Forestluv]

1 minute ago, Outer said:

That's what's happening, I'm saying we should tell her right from the start i/me/ego is all one thing and stop luring them in. Otherwise I wouldn't mention it.

Gotcha. I misinterpreted your comment.

[Ingit]

How to Love ego in the midst of suffering !  It becomes very very hard... To Love someone who is hurting you inside...and the same way playing tricks with you bor can we ignore it cuz we already in the Game... all it wants us to play and play and make is Loose and more of sufferings... 

[Joseph Maynor]

Not if you want to be Enlightened.  To be Enlightened, you gotta realize Ego is an illusion.

[Your place at Heart]

The source of problem in the world is egos with self esteem issues and limiting beliefs about itself and others in relation to it

[Haumea2018]

Quote

Hey, I just watched last Leo´s video (What Is Love?) and I do agree that our Ego causes the most problems in this world. But shouldn´t I learn how to love my Ego as well? I actually have been blaming my Ego for all my mistakes and I feel this is not helpful for my spiritual growth. Any advice? 

Hi Amanda,

"Ego" is the separate self narrative that identifies as The Doer.

The reason "you" blame yourself for your mistakes is because this separate self narrative is constantly running, imagining itself the doer. 

It's just a thought process.  In your case it may be double layered: ego blaming the Ego concept.

Everything that happens in life is just nature taking its course.  Then the ego either takes credit or blame.  This is entirely fictional.

You have to "love" or embrace all that arises in you, including your fictions.  Not necessarily believe them, but love them.  There is a difference.

All your icky, negative emotions, thoughts, impulses.

That's what you need to love: everything you hate about yourself.

That's how you become free.

 

 

Edited September 26, 2018 by Haumea2018

[Amanda R Batista]

@Serotoninluv - Thank you for your messages. I´m still confused. I have so much to learn. How can I start deconstructing the self/ego? 

[Amanda R Batista]

@Haumea2018 - Beautiful! I´m not there yet but I´m focusing on it (loving all parts of myself). I don´t really know what to do. I have been meditating and doing visualizations sending love to myself including the "bad parts". 

[jse]

14 hours ago, Amanda R Batista said:

Should I love my Ego?

Should the "I" love the "I"?
Or (same same)... should the ego love the ego?

Should an illusion love itself?