My "success" story on how I lost my virginity at 25

[Forestluv]

@ajasatya What a beautiful couple!! 

[SFRL]

54 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

something like a trophy that says how smart/amazing/cool you are... like winning a competition.

then you go like "hey, you only won because you cheated".

i find that perspective poor and misleading.

Well I think it's misguided when the only sex a person ever had was by paying for it, but then start lecturing that you shouldn't attract women with money. 

[8Ball]

45 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

It sounds like you made a lot of progress. You were sexual with a prostitute. In a sense, you did "finish". You didn't back out or freak out halfway through and leave. You gave your all and were engaged through the whole process. 

Regarding "game".  Be genuine. You may want to work on composure a bit. Nobody wants to be so nervous on a date that they start shaking and break down - spilling their drink as they babble about their masturbation habits. Yet, it doesn't sound like you are going to become some smooth guy that can sweep a woman off her feet and fuck her senseless until she is too sore to take anymore. If you learn a bunch of pickup lines and strategies - would they feel natural to you? Or would it feel awkward and forced? Is that who you genuinely are?

Some guys have this idea that they need to steer initial dates toward sex and close the deal within a couple dates. There are plenty of women that are fine going on several dates and getting to know a guy, then spending some time just fooling around. It doesn't have to be a high stakes scenario like you are a basketball player on the free-throw line with down 1 point with 2 seconds left in the game. Find someone you feel somewhat comfortable with. After a few dates, if the topic of sex comes up in conversation - perhaps casually mention that sex is special for you and sometimes you get a bit nervous. Some women will appreciate that. If some woman judges you as a loser, do you really want to try and have sex with her? The pressure would be really high. There are women that are much more chill and supportive.

When I was your age, I had the opposite problem - premature ejaculation. One time I was with a more experienced woman. Things progressed fast and after the second date I found myself in her bedroom talking about books. I had anxiety and almost came before my pants even came off. It was literally three pumps and a squirt. I will never forget the look she gave me as she said "Did you come already??!!! You did, didn't you? Are you fucking serious? That's it?". . . It was an awful experience. Later, I met another gal and mentioned prior to sex that sometimes I come quickly. She replied "Sometimes that's fucking HOTT!! When I turn a guy on so much he can't hold back it makes me feel like a sexy". She then suggested that we could always do it a second and third time - that I would probably last longer. And guess what happened? I came after 5 seconds the first time and she thought it was hot. The second time I lasted about 5min. and then gradually increased my stamina. I wasn't a dynamo with intercourse, yet I knew I could improve my oral skills. I told women I dated that I wanted to get really good at giving oral sex. They were thrilled to let me practice on them. Most guys aren't into oral sex. They flap their tongue around a few times as they are thinking about moving on to intercourse. I learned how to give oral as if I was playing a musical instrument. You can send a woman into absolute bliss with skilled oral sex. 

Great post, yes it's true that I gave my all until the last minute. I tried to engage a lot even when she was on top, I moved my hips in sync with her thumping, while gently touching her thighs and so on and so forth.

Regarding improving my game, it's true that it won't feel natural for me to become this superconfident heroic alpha dude. My goal isn't to become that type of person, but that's not say that it eventually MIGHT feel natural, should I choose to go down the pick-up culture, which I won't. Like I've improved my confident skills immensely the past few years, improving my game isn't much different. What I do want to improve is my charisma. Being genuine is probably what attracted the girl I dated last year. She even remarked that she hopes I never lose my warmth.

And you're absolutely correct that most guys are too focused to "close the deal" within a few dates. A mistake I made myself almost three years ago. Three dates in and not even a kiss. Fourth date, I leaned forward and tried to kiss her and touched her lips, no response. Super awkward for both of us. She seemed exrremely surprised like "hey, the chemistry is not there yet, relax". This was in the beginning of our date, we didn't talk about it while having dinner, later after dropping her off I mentioned that I was sorry for taking her by surprise like that, but that we should get it over with before dropping her off. And she complied. We dated on and off three times in 2017, she seemed interested in me, but I never tried to look at things from her perspective. There could've been a million reasons for being so careful with men.

Oh man, how I would love to trade no-ejaculation with premature ejaculation. Starting by giving a girl an orgasm orally or by fingering, only to finish yourself quickly within a few seconds would be OK with most women since you've already pleasured them before penetrating. Problem is that I cum extremely fast when watching porn. If I just master my desires and practice discipline I might overcome my porn/masturbation addiction. Eventually all the thousand porn scenes and porn stars will be a distant memory and I'll be aroused by women "in real life". I'm confident that day will come.

I also believe that I need to have a special bond with a woman in order to finish. A woman with good looks and a horny me probaby won't cut it for me, at least not for now. But if I meet someone I feel a deep connection to, I might be able to perform well, especially since I now know that having sex isn't a big deal. If I managed to have a 45 minute passionate session with a total stranger (although with the help of calming pills) I can easily do it totally clean with someone I truly care for. Today's session really removed most of my worries about sex. 

[8Ball]

1 hour ago, SFRL said:

Well I think it's misguided when the only sex a person ever had was by paying for it, but then start lecturing that you shouldn't attract women with money. 

You are correct that someone who's inexperienced shouldn't lecture a person in the field of sex/intimacy/relationships, and I wasn't trying to lecture you, it was more sort of an attempt to showcase that in my own personal opinion (my perspective doesn't have to be true of course) having money doesn't resonate with my beliefs. Like I said in my quote earlier it would be interesting if you elaborate because I'm open to everything but it'll probably be hard to convince me that having a lot of money attracts women. Practically no woman wants someone who's broke and have no prospects, obviously. So money does play a part of course. From my own experience I actually HAVE heard a woman say that she wants a man to have a well-paid job, but at the same time she mentioned five other qualites she looks for in a man and I just find it hard that having a well-paid job was the top priority in her list, above loyalty, humor and being responsible.

And there's a difference to "lecture" someone about sex, when I myself am inexperienced, but "lecturing" about attraction is a totally different topic. From that I can only speak from what I have experienced myself with girls I've dated and flirted with and how my friends attract girls. And they do so by being confident, glowing with charisma and making them laugh, and lots of other things.

[SFRL]

2 hours ago, 8Ball said:

You are correct that someone who's inexperienced shouldn't lecture a person in the field of sex/intimacy/relationships, and I wasn't trying to lecture you, it was more sort of an attempt to showcase that in my own personal opinion (my perspective doesn't have to be true of course) having money doesn't resonate with my beliefs. Like I said in my quote earlier it would be interesting if you elaborate because I'm open to everything but it'll probably be hard to convince me that having a lot of money attracts women. Practically no woman wants someone who's broke and have no prospects, obviously. So money does play a part of course. From my own experience I actually HAVE heard a woman say that she wants a man to have a well-paid job, but at the same time she mentioned five other qualites she looks for in a man and I just find it hard that having a well-paid job was the top priority in her list, above loyalty, humor and being responsible.

And there's a difference to "lecture" someone about sex, when I myself am inexperienced, but "lecturing" about attraction is a totally different topic. From that I can only speak from what I have experienced myself with girls I've dated and flirted with and how my friends attract girls. And they do so by being confident, glowing with charisma and making them laugh, and lots of other things.

5 hours ago, 8Ball said:

 

4 hours ago, ajasatya said:

 

If your friends know so well why don't you go talk to them and/or do what they do? 

But if you come here and ask for advice, being a virgin/a dude who only fucked when he paid for it, don't start mouthing off when someone who has been around the block gives you advice. 

Your job is to shut-up, and listen, and learn. And maybe politely ask a question. 

Otherwise you are shooting yourself in the foot. Because really what is it to me if you improve or not? 

 

Edited September 26, 2018 by SFRL

[Key Elements]

8 hours ago, ajasatya said:

 

 

So sweet! It's your wedding, right? Cute couple.

[ajasatya]

@Key Elements yes, it's our wedding  

[RiseAbove]

I'd say it's general performance anxiety. Also about porn, whenever I have a boner nowadays and wanna do fap I watch this video: 

 

[Key Elements]

2 hours ago, ajasatya said:

@Key Elements yes, it's our wedding  

Different ppl dress differently in their weddings across the world. They don't look similar. That's what I like about it -- the different designs.

[Emne]

@8Ball I am a virgin and I seriously consider doing the same, because I really want to experience sex at least once in my life. I doesn't really matter if I have to pay for it. 

[Shin]

22 minutes ago, Emne said:

@8Ball I am a virgin and I seriously consider doing the same, because I really want to experience sex at least once in my life. I doesn't really matter if I have to pay for it. 

On 25/09/2018 at 8:44 PM, ajasatya said:

@8Ball

 

It won't be fulfilling at all and do not represent what real sex with a girl that really want to have sex with you is, let alone sex with a girl that loves you/that you love.

Edited September 27, 2018 by Shin

[Emne]

21 hours ago, Shin said:

It won't be fulfilling at all and do not represent what real sex with a girl that really want to have sex with you is, let alone sex with a girl that loves you/that you love.

Yeah, but it is better than nothing. 

[Matt8800]

@8Ball Porn isnt "bad" but too much can have the effect you describe. This is why I dont masturbate/watch porn within 1-2 days of me going out with a female. If it was still a problem, I would take a longer break. If you watch a lot of porn, you may take a longer break to re sensitize you to non-porn sexual stimuli. 

Take a break from porn and masturbation for awhile and try the brothel again. 

Dont listen to people that tell you that you should wait for a woman you love. Right now, you've made it a big deal in your mind so it will be awkward. Get your virginity out of the way. It will make it so its not such a big deal in your mind and will go smoother when you finally find a girl you like. 

If you are still nervous after having success at a brothel, go once or twice more and it will be much easier and smoother after that.

Edited September 30, 2018 by Matt8800