I only have negative motivations for self improvement

[Viking]

For some reason, I dont care about my life being better, feeling joy, feeling peace, having a fulfilling life purpose, helping people. yeah, that feels good but I dont feel the drive to do anything in order to achieve it. If I could, I would stay in mediocrity, but the problem is that I will suffer greatly:

I do care about not having a shitty life, in which I hate going to my job, feeling miserable. I also cant stand being mediocre, it seems like in my genes im built for greatness, if i would be mediocre I would suffer because I need to fulfill my potential, not because I want to fulfill my potential, but because if I dont, I will suffer. I dont know if it makes sense. 

In other words, If I wont do self development, or at least feel like im doing it, I will undoubtedly kill myself, BUT I dont do it because I want to be better.

All of that shit creates the following problem: I dont want to do self development work, but I have to, otherwise I suffer. Therefore also if I do self development work, I still suffer because i dont want to do it. please end my suffering 

how do i develop positive motivation for being better if i dont care about it?

[Joseph Maynor]

Start to make a distinction between the true Self and the Egoic self.  Can you make the distinction between the true Self and the Egoic self in you?  You should be able to see this clearly.

Edited September 25, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[okulele]

I agree with @Joseph Maynor .

Turn your attention away from your fears and worries. Turn your attention toward what your heart deeply desires.

Check out Abraham Hicks. She's all about becoming positively motivated and making your dreams come true.

 

[Leo Gura]

@Viking I have good news and bad news.

Good news: suffering exists to help teach you your lesson.

Bad news: you'll have to suffer to learn your lesson.

[TeamBills]

@Viking I can relate a lot to your post.

"All of that shit creates the following problem: I dont want to do self development work, but I have to, otherwise I suffer. Therefore also if I do self development work, I still suffer because i dont want to do it."

I understand where you are coming from but do you really feel like doing self development equals suffering? For me, yes, maybe in some sense, but on a scale of 1 (lowest) to 100 (highest) I would rate it at a 2. If I didn't do self development I would beat myself up for not working hard to improve my self and reduce my deamons, so I would rate not doing self development way higher than a 2.

I've also been looking for positive motivation for self development work. What I've been using recently is picturing myself working really hard on self development for a good period of time, and because of doing that I am able to gain some love and compassion for myself. I really want to be proud of myself.

[okulele]

@Timothy

I get what you are saying. I am also at a place in life where facing pain is what I must do. However I thought that the op could benefit from a bit of Abraham Hicks approach at this moment.

[wavydude]

@Viking
Doesn't really matter. Just do some work and you will see that your life is getting better and you will be like "damn I want more of that good stuff" and bam you got yourself positive motivation.

Don't try to think yourself into something that you don't really care about. You care about your life not being shitty. Do stuff that is guaranteed to get you better like good diet, exercise or whatever you think you should do and is proven to actually work. Just do that and don't care about other nonsense.

[aurum]

@Viking

Negative motivations aren’t nessesarily bad. Don’t make it that black and white.

If pain is what is driving you to self actualized, good. Because otherwise you’ll do nothing. Driven by pain > apathy.

It will not be fun or pleasant. Accept that this will be a day in and day grind if you want to pull yourself out of the shit. 

[TeamBills]

2 hours ago, Timothy said:

@okulele

Word like I tried so many hours of meditation in a short month span doing concentration (just trying to be in the moment and ignore everything elese) but now my emotions are just way too strong to ignore so I just try and work with them because focusing on other things is like going against a strong river current for me.

This is what you should be doing. Good job.

 

[Hellspeed]

No pain, no gain.