What is love - girls like emotional guys?

[Emerald]

5 hours ago, Mikael89 said:

@Emerald Okay.

I take this short reply as a sign that you recognized your own machinations at work for a moment in reading my post, and had to leave everything on the table without addressing it.

I've been in similar mindsets to you in the past, so I know the way my mind worked then. And I see the same tendencies in you. Sometimes it just feels good to catastrophize, self-flaggelate, and surrender to utter hopelessness. It's like this fetid rush followed by a partial letting go and relaxation mixed with some painful emotions. And there's a strange kind of pleasure/pain there to have in self-flaggelating and then giving up. 

So, it's not that you can't change... It's that if you recognized that you could change, you'd be unable to get your fix. This you extract from others by posting about your utter hopelessness, which creates many trigger points for you to get your fix.

You can subtly manipulate others to say, "No. You're wrong. You can change your life." To which you reply, "No I can't. I'm a hopeless loser who no woman would ever want." And in typing those self-deprecating words, you can feel the emotions you crave to feel. Deep down, I know you don't really believe that you can't change.

Also, there is probably a fear of change... or moreso a fear of failure, if you invest the time and emotional energy to make a change.

[now is forever]

3 hours ago, Mikael89 said:

@now is forever @Shadowraix I can't explain how I know/why, I just know.

can you find a way then in not knowing why but finding out how to know how?

because there is no answer to why. (first i thought you where sitting in a wheele chair, fixated)

know/how that’s anything you need to change. find out about it.

start now.

[now is forever]

13 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

I don't think so.

 

@Emerald Hehe, I think you might be partly right. You are really smart.

But.. it does really feel hopeless.

Jeez, how am I supposed to live like this for like 50 years more? It's impossible to live so long in this misery. I think suicide will be inevitable for me (some day.)

I'm a christian I think and I recently looked up if you can go to heaven even if you murder yourself, and it seems like you can, so that's nice ? It made me happy.

if you are a christian you know what your name means don‘t you - find that in yourself! stop being a wrong christ on the cross. jesus didn’t pin himself there. got it?

suicide is not the only true choice we ever got - we can also choose to stop abusing ourselfs by choosing life! there is mutch more between life and death than darkness.

Edited September 25, 2018 by now is forever

[bejapuskas]

@Mikael89 What was her name?

[now is forever]

@Mikael89 you are 50?

Edited September 25, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

22 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

No, I'm 29.

Assuming that I would die when I'm around 79 years old: means that I would live 50 years more in misery. 

sorry i always count with at least 100.

just think of it, with 50 everything would have been lost.

i suggest you to find yourself a good therapist. and work on your problems. you have enough time to fix them.

Edited September 25, 2018 by now is forever

[billiesimon]

1 hour ago, Mikael89 said:

I'm a christian I think and I recently looked up if you can go to heaven even if you murder yourself, and it seems like you can, so that's nice ? It made me happy.

Dude, there's no paradise. If someone kills himself he's going to disappear forever. And lose all life opportunites. There's no paradise and no female virgins awaiting you in the afterlife.

I'm the same age as you and I was very hopeless and demotivated a few years ago. You can do it. Reconnect with nature, find bliss in just taking a break in the park with a bicycle, or walking. Feel the connection with pets, if you have one; bond with friends. 

You are just reinforcing the negative beliefs and this pattern is making your ego TRICK you into believing that suicide is good. 

It's not good, dude. It's just your ego subjugating you, and enslaving you with pessimism. 

This will help a lot. WATCH IT.
 

 

Edited September 25, 2018 by billiesimon

[Forestluv]

On 9/24/2018 at 9:12 AM, Mikael89 said:

But the girls don't know anyway that I have such low standards, so it doesn't make me less attractive. It's not like I would tell them this.

I wouldn't assume that. Women can be very intuitive. Some women with more developed intuition may be aware. Some of those women may subconsciously or consciously act on that intuition. Others may consciously distrust the intuition and dismiss/repress it.

[Forestluv]

From my POV, this seems like a mind creating a story that itself is incomplete and believes becoming complete is found outside of itself (e.g. from a girlfriend or a successful career). This can lead to seeking energy toward things like acceptance, validation and people pleasing. Or a mind can become contracted and disengage. Neither work and both lead to suffering.

[billiesimon]

1 hour ago, Mikael89 said:

@billiesimon I don't think there's virgins in Heaven. I don't know if Heaven exists. And if it does I think it will be the same "Heaven" which nonduality points at: total enlightenment, so total that it's beyond this world.

I have no problem with disappearing forever. The main reason why I don't do it is because I'm afraid of some kind of negative consequences because of it. For example: prolong my path toward enlightenment. Or getting to christian Hell (that would still be a small risk). Or some other negative consequences which would come from canceling something unfinished.

I don't think Consciousness/Awareness ever dies. But I'm not 100% sure about what exactly happens after death.

If I would be 100% sure that I would just disappear forever (like atheist materialists do) then I would do it. I wouldn't lose anything valuable, I would just get rid of suffering. Although my parents getting sad would be a problem, which would still make suicide a difficult decision.

 

Distraction is the ego's favourite defense mechanism. There's also a video on Leo's channel.

You're avoiding the solutions we gave you. WHO CARES about heaven and hell. Imaginary places of an imaginary god. 

You have emotional and spiritual problems, and you keep on distracting yourself with bullshit concerns like Mordor and the hobbit's Shire.

Watch Leo's video on life purpose and life vision, and also the video I gave you, which is specific for avoiding and stopping the downward spiral your ego created.

[billiesimon]

1 hour ago, Mikael89 said:

@billiesimon I care. Because death is pretty close to me, I sometimes think if I should do it. I understand if you don't care, because death is so remote to you.

I mean that heaven and hell don't exist.

If you truly care about your spiritual well-being, then start the inner work.

[MM1988]

Just trash this thread, its over 100 posts barely on the topic

[Preety_India]

A huge misunderstanding. You describe strong as a rock to mean something that is devoid of emotion and care. Strong and stoic means to be able to endure a lot and still survive because only the weak perish. It does not mean being unempathetic and unemotional and uncaring. No person can be happy with a person who lacks basic emotion and understanding. Because lack of emotion and care can be very narcissistic and selfish. Love is selfless. 

Strong men do not feel the need  to flaunt or assert that they are strong. They know well that they are strong and they are not insecure. Insecure men engage in displays of excessive false power to assert themselves as strong because of the cognitive dissonance they have. They feel to overcompensate themselves. 

Strength is a very important quality and it means resistance and resilience and perisistence and the ability to rise up again despite the enormousness of the setbacks and it is not being like a stone with no heart or emotion. That's called psychopathy and apathy not strength. 

A woman looks for emotional strength and support in a man. If he is not emotional, he will end up being too harsh to her, thus being counter-productive to her health and well being and she might give up at some point. Such a man is no good to her and she is better off without him. A man looks for love and care and nurturing in a woman. 

Women are emotional. They do not prefer harshness in a man. At the same time they don't want a man to fall apart. They want a man who can have empathy and understanding for them but also remain strong in situations and not break down. These are two different things and two different qualities very admirable in a man. 

A man who is too cold and harsh and devoid of emotion or feeling will soon tire out a woman leaving her emotionally drained and fending for herself. 

 

Imo, a strong man would be like this 

 

Edited September 26, 2018 by Preety_India

[Forestluv]

6 hours ago, Preety_India said:

A woman looks for emotional strength and support in a man. If he is not emotional, he will end up being too harsh to her, thus being counter-productive to her health and well being and she might give up at some point. Such a man is no good to her and she is better off without him. A man looks for love and care and nurturing in a woman. 

Women are emotional. They do not prefer harshness in a man. At the same time they don't want a man to fall apart. They want a man who can have empathy and understanding for them but also remain strong in situations and not break down. These are two different things and two different qualities very admirable in a man. 

A man who is too cold and harsh and devoid of emotion or feeling will soon tire out a woman leaving her emotionally drained and fending for herself. 

Everything you wrote sounds very mature and healthy. I hope society is evolving in this direction. 

From my POV in the U.S., many women would share your ideal - yet when it comes down to it, many women will pass on a guy who expresses emotion and empathy in favor of an over-bearing "alpha male". I've seen it over and over. Women saying they want to date a nice guy, yet keep getting involved with mean guys.

If I want to date a gal, I generally have to keep emotional expression and empathy to a minimum. Nearly all women say that want a guy that is "emotionally available". Yet, even small amounts of emotional expression can turn off most women sexually - in particular expressing vulnerability. It leads to a reaction like "You seem like a nice guy, attractive and successful - yet for some reason, I don't feel the magic". They move on to a mean, controlling guy.

Of course this isn't all women, yet it is common. On a dating profile, if a woman writes she is looking for a "nice guy" - it is a huge red flag for me.

[now is forever]

10 hours ago, MM1988 said:

Just trash this thread, its over 100 posts barely on the topic

you see what emotional sucking is? someone who doesn’t want to work on themselves is indeed chanceless in finding love. but that attituded of emotional helplessness in not only unattractive to women - what guy would want a girl that’s depressed to the bone? 

love is a yes to life not hopelessness. you can pour all your love in and absolute hopelessness still asks for more.

break that circle and work on your inner loneliness - that makes you feel lonely even though the world is full of humans. you can‘t feel love that way.

so working on emotions always comes first! especially if you have realized something went wrong. maybe it wasn’t even the emotion - but some kind of neediness. 

working on the neediness is always a good idea to start.

what humans fear most is energy vampirism. we usually have an instinct for that.

Edited September 26, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

12 hours ago, Mikael89 said:

@billiesimon I care. Because death is pretty close to me, I sometimes think if I should do it. I understand if you don't care, because death is so remote to you.

hey who says death is remote to us? a lot of us here had either an experience of death or a wish for death at some point. and most of us had a way to find out. you think it’s impossible?

you are so lonely you think no one understands you - how could anyone else feel this pain and have survived it. you are lonely even when the room is full of people, because you are lonely in your suffering. - as i don’t really know you either you talk about it to just get attention or you are so desperate for love that you really need some help. i recommend you to start with rhodiola. 

you can‘t come out of this pit alone. you really need help, but a woman alone can’t help you - it would be a really bad relationship.

telling you that is out of love for your suffering. but how long do you want us to tell that? until you get the prove, that there is no love? because at some point everyone would give up?

reccomend you to open a thread in how to get out of depression! and how to overcome death wish. you will get a lot of love there! find out about it.♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Edited September 26, 2018 by now is forever

[Key Elements]

@Serotoninluv I think many ppl in society are not getting this...

When you're in a relationship, do you want it to last? Yes? Ok, then. Don't call it quits so easily. Just keep working and working on yourselves. That's it. All these "emotions" or talking about something or going out somewhere are just the icing on the cake. Even when you're together, technically you're still "single." What's keeping ppl together is simply because they accept each other for who they are, and they want to be together.

[now is forever]

5 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

Of course this isn't all women, yet it is common. On a dating profile, if a woman writes she is looking for a "nice guy" - it is a huge red flag for me.

this is because if they focus on that, they are usually triggered by some kind of abusive guys and have had bad experiences, so they long for being treated better but can’t overcome their own addiction. they wish their addiction could be a healthy one but then of course they are addicted to the unhealthy one, because it’s an addiction.

same goes for guys in a lot of cases. it’s a circle of needs and wishes - of rejection and acceptance until you find your match.

by the way did you ever ask yourself why in old italian movies women like to throw plates or vases? if there wouldn’t be some kind of heat and conflict how could we learn more about ourselves? women have a range of emotions like rubber bands - they want to experience them and train them.

that‘s why they like guys who do the same. stoic guys are the best alternative - they seem to controll themselfs.

Edited September 26, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

@Mikael89 don’t be sorry!♥️

Edited September 26, 2018 by now is forever

[bejapuskas]

@Mikael89 You can definitely get out, but it wont be done for you, you have to do the ACTUAL WORK