How do I distinguish a panic attack with an awakening I resist?

[Parki]

I had several panic attacks in my life, there is no way to compare them to someone else panic attack, so I will never know how hard it was, but I would say that my were pretty hard.
Even thought the experience is the worst that happened to me in my life it also the most interesting experience.
I wish I could experience another one.
Of course that's bullshit because I know that as soon as it will start I will back up, but I still want it.
The problem is that I developed this thing where I almost convinced myself that it's just me resisting awakening.
The last time I happened I stopped it because I couldn't handle this, but I want to not stop it to see what will happen.
So...
How do I distinguish a panic attack with an awakening I resist?
Is there any point in describing it was like?
Because I can't, not like I don't remember anything, but it's like a taste, you know what an icecream like, but you can't imagine the taste.
Even the next day I was trying to make sense of it, but it was very hard because I couldn't even imagine, but if it would happen again I would instantly recognize it.
Because the next time if I let go and it not an awakening I will torture myself in the most sophisticated way possible. 

[i am I AM]

Resistance leads to panic. Resistance to, for example, feelings, doubts, confusion, uncertainty, etc. Do you believe you can have an awakening while having resistance?

[Parki]

38 minutes ago, i am I AM said:

Resistance leads to panic. Resistance to, for example, feelings, doubts, confusion, uncertainty, etc. Do you believe you can have an awakening while having resistance?

doesn't seems like so, but I never had an awakening so I can't speak from that point.

[i am I AM]

 I think that what you said is a good beginning way to think. whenever you feel you're starting to panic.

[Hellspeed]

Panic attack only rises in the mind. When one has a panic attack it means one is fully in the mind while having it. 

[PsiloPutty]

Mingyur Rinpoche has talks on YouTube about his panic attacks. He said that he got over them by making friends with them, and by truly not being averse to them being present. If you could do this, then you could welcome the experience, whether it's a panic attack or nirvana.   

[abrakamowse]

I don't think there's a panic attack and an awakening being resisted.

How do you know what's the difference between both? The only thing I know is that awakening is the most important thing to "achieve" in life.

So everything can be leading you to it. Those panics attacks must be a rejection of the reality the way it is, and your reaction is a panic attack. (I had panic attacks too).

Panic attack, depression, sadness... all those things leads us to an awakening, because we resist "what is" because we think that what is happening is wrong and we get sad because things don't go "our way". Until to a point where the suffering is so big that we begin to see more clearly what reality is and accept the things the way they are. We begin to leave our ego aside, we begin to deny ourselves (our ego) because the suffering is so much.

It's a process that leads us to enlightenment at some point. How long it will take it depends on us.