Scared Of Leaving Home And Dealing With Life

[ExitDone]

Hello.

I want to keep my name for privacy but you can still call me ExitDone. I am 19 years old, being on the last year of High School and living on Romania.

Since I was young, life was always easy for me. I had a huge comfort even if I wasn't so gratitude of that. I recived my own room on house, always was eating well and I also got school and high school few steps from my home.  During school (1-8 grades) I was in a big confort with not so bad teachers to give me bad grades so I basically didn't learn anything. In 5th grade I recived my own computer which I use it since then, most of my time being in the front of the monitor.  Since I never got any friend most of time time I was sitting on my room and trying to find happiness from internet. Right now I'm still in the same situation. I'm in the last year of High School which it would be not really hard to pass the final exams. And after that I have to take my life in the hands.

I'm very scared of getting out of here. I'm probably 19 years old but I feel more like a 10 years old boy. I'm totaly really not developed as a person. I mean it's also very hard for me to exprime an opinion in front of someone. My parents want me to go to police academy which I'm pretty sure this is not my life purpose. I'm following that Leo's course trying to find it and I feel like if I go to Police Academy I will only take the easy part of life. My parents' motivation to go there is because after you graduate they offer service and salary imediately for being cop. But I just feel that I really wouldn't like that. I created a plan to after gruduate High School, go to England, work and live there until I will find my purpose and I can do the college that will help me to work on it. Sounds easy, right? For me it's really not. Most of my classmates are going to different college on this country but I actually call this a stuck in the comfort zone. They will only be supported by their parents which i really don't want this anymore. I was for 19 years and I'm really tired of being a loser.  You will probably ask why don't I stay on this country, work here and go to college? Well, the opportunity here is not so good. After you finish the college you will work for a few money which you can't even pay your rent with them. In England you can work and be x5 times payed than the salary from here.

So basically I'm really stuck right now and I don't know what to do. My biggest fears of leaving home are:

Working: I never worked before.  Like I told you, it was always easy for me. I never cleaned my room step by step, washed dishes, do a full time job in a day, study well. I was always a dreamer stuck in television and music. With these 2 things I tought life is so easy but now thinking about it, it can be really hard. So I'm not sure if I can just go outside and work for someone. i don't know if I can resist mentally and physically. Starting to work 8-10 years per day will be a crazy pain in the ass since all these 19 years I only sat all day on computer without doing anything. And think about thoug work like in construction, carring big packages etc. It will be totaly something new and painful for me.

Homesick: I do not have a good relationship with my parents. I even heard them saying 2-3 times that they regret they made me. They actually never wanted a kid. Last time they said that is when I refused to agree I will go to Police Academy. I explained them that it won't be my life purpouse and after that they started to scream and cursing me saying that I'll become a drug dealer. Their own mentality is really fucked up thinking that only jobs a person can have is: medic, policeman, teacher, priest. So basically I can't talk with them serious things because they already think I'm a loser. They saw me sitting in this home for 19 years so what would they expect? They want me to give the easy choice to have a confortable life. I don't feel that I want this. Anyway, since I do not like them I'll be still homesick. There are moments when I have memories of my parents doing some things. For example when I was trying to make my own CV I remembered my mother writting on her CV and I started to feel bad (idk way). Leaving home could be a hard choice for me and I really want to know how can I not be homesick.

Comfort Zone: Sounds easy, right? Well, not really. When I'm talking about comfort zone I also mention social anxiety that I got (what would you expect from a guy who sat 19 years on home?), sometimes depression (or maybe I pretend to have). These things can kill me. I almost never went out from this town. I recently started to go in the other city to do some driver license things. That city is almost 2 hours away from my hometown. I took the train and I even had a big fear from this. Last time I also got the wrong train so what would you expect from me? Getting out from here to England would be crazy. I can imagine myself there in the middle of the street and I do not know what can I do. Well, probably find a place to sleep so I may call an agency company. After that find a job. Well, sure, it sounds so easy but it would be really crazy for me.

 

So I lost all my years on television, gaming and stupid relationships and now I regret it. I feel like I'm totaly a loser. I recently found Lion's channel and learned some stuff about myself. I also bought that Life Purpouse course and learned a lot of things from it too (btw, I bought it with my YouTube money that I made but for some reasons I deleted my channels) . Watching them could be really easy but put it in practice would be pain in the ass. Comparing with the other teenagers I feel that I'm being lower. One of my motivations was to be unique than them so recently I heard in a video that if I think 10 years foward I'll be always better than those who think 1 year foward. That's one of my small inspiration right now. So speaking about course I'm at Values assigment, so I didn't finish it yet. I still have faith that this will help me a lot 10 years later. But he also mentioned that you can discover your purpose in 1 week or 10 years. So until these 10 years I decided to go to England, work and live there, like I said. But I'm not really sure. I'm totaly mindfucked atm and I'm trying to stay on a track. Right now I'm thinking to find happiness from some chips and wafers but I decided to eat healthy and stop finding lower happiness from bullshits.

 

 

Anyway, if you read everything I written I really thank you. I'm pretty sure that everyone who's over 20 can give me a pretty simple advice. What do you guys think that I should do and handle everything? I'm totaly lost and I'm looking for some opinions. Thank you.

[IndependantKouhai]

Oh damn, this will require A LOT of effort to get out. This will require to completely change your life and head to a different direction.

First, you gotta beat social anxiety. That is going to be the most difficult thing you're going to face, but it's a good thing, because if you do beat it, your life will never be the same. How do you beat it? Well, this is the difficult part, in order to beat it, you gotta understand. The world doesn't revolve around you, most people don't even care if you fail or if you trip or something like that. Keep that in your head. Look, if you see someone humiliating themselves in public, after a couple of hours you have already forgotten him.  In order to overcome this illness you will need to step out of your comfort zone. That means more time in public. You can start slowly, daily walks. Try to make as much eye contact as you can, and act as natural as you can, after a lot of tries you will overcome it. I'm not kidding, if you will keep talking to random strangers and keep getting out of the comfort zone, you will eventually overcome it.

Work.

I still think you don't want to work because of the Social anxiety, not because it's hard.  After all, there are lots of jobs that are fun to do and not hard at all. You just gotta find what you enjoy most. Do you enjoy being with animals? Consider a job with them. Maybe you know a lot of IT, then become a programmer, you can work from home. 

You know how I found what I wanted to do in life? Films/ books and anime . It's funny, but it's true, I found my passion from them.

Consider taking up the challenge and go to the police academy if you are truly willing to change your life. You don't have to be a cop, but the academy will change your life for the better.  My cousin was forced to go to the army. (or jail) He was in a similar situation to you, and it was really hard for him the first 2 months, but after he finished and came back home, he was a new person, he no longer slacked off  and he completely didn't give a fuck what people thought about him, he got a new perspective in life and got some good self- confidence. Imagine the pride in yourself after you complete the academy and come back home, your parents then will be in no position to judge you.

Get away from your parents.

Seriously, get away from the people who no longer serve you. If they don't want you so badly, leave them. They are affecting your happiness and confidence levels drastically. NEVER look down on yourself, doesn't matter about your past, DON"T LET ANYONE, not even yourself tell you that you're  a failure. And stop looking at the past. What's done is done, you can't change it. You can keep depressed about how you "wasted" your time or you can let go and live in the now.

I know it might sound hard, but at least, spend as little time as you can with them. 

The gun tactic

This may seem crazy but has helped me soo much. My parents used to have a gun, and I could access it really easily. So I would just tell myself, if things go so badly so badly that I can no longer breathe, I can always shoot myself. This gave me a new insight into social situations, I was no longer afraid of people and no longer afraid of taking chances. Because will always Have a Plan B for my escape from problems.

How small are we.

This has helped me put things in perspective. Just realise how small are we in the universe. How small are your parents and everyone who judge you. Each day we are travelling through the cosmos, and each day we could just be obliterated by a meteorite. It's funny, but just think how small are we.

But seriously dude, you need to find your passion and when you find it,when you will do the thing you enjoy doing you will become happier than ever. Good luck on the search, and I know that you may be having suicidal thoughts in this phase, but listen, kill yourself later, now take everything life's gotta offer and just enjoy it. 

Have fun in this journey called life my friend. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Joyboy]

@ExitDone20 years old and you aware of self actualize, already bought Leo's course. I'm saying you're going far ahead of most guys aroud your ages. You can see what wrong and toxic beliefs can do with your parents, they even didn't aware that.

Remove the label 'loser' your give yourself ang go out experience life man. Ofcourse shit gonna happens and happens alot, but with an aware mind you're be able to learn and grow pretty fast, and you are already start by seeking help from this forums.

[JevinR]

For social anxiety, start small. If you kill this demon, the rest will be a piece of cake, you're pretty much going up against the final boss. This may sound crazy, but go outside and say Hi to a person, or wave or smile or something along those lines. If that is too much, tone it down, if that is not enough, ramp it up. Then go talk to a person and introduce yourself and say something lie " Hi, I just wanted to wish you a good day, or compliment them and say "Hey man/girl/person, that's an awesome shirt, where did you get it?". From this point, you will slowly reduce the anxiety, as this flow-chart indicates:

 

 

The key is to make up some kind of challenge that is not to hard or easy. After time, you will become bored and will need more challenge, ramping it up to talking to hint-hint ... a Girl?! Oh yes, approach a girl and use the same tactics. You could purchase something and try to talk to the person, or if you need lower difficulty, go outside or maybe just sit look out the window, the key is to match anxiety with skills to meet the challenge. Socializing is a skill like any other, that can worked and mastered. A guy named Tyler from a company called RSD was in the exact same position you were at and now he's a multi-millionaire. (Not that money or woman are indefinite indicators of success, but it's the idea that you have that exact same potential). In terms of work ethic, it can also be built, and is one along one of the key indicators for success, but first courage/bravery and willpower must be built. (Willpower is intertwined with work ethic) Cut out the computer completely, and focus solely on self-growth, take the road less travelled, and you will rewarded with riches beyond imagination. Remember, it takes 21 days to instill a habit, and all our lives are is a compilation of habits. PM me if the depression gets worse, we can slay that fucker easily. Depression is really the depletion of "sexual energy" or chi, I recommend going on NoFap and abstaining from masturbation as it will help a hell of a lot.

 

Here are some key videos on Work Ethic:

 

Very practical advice.

 

Long and lengthy, but worth the watch

 

 

Cuts it down for you

 

Remove the label that you're a loser, because life is not just winning and losing. You may be struggling, but that does not make you a loser, hell I am pretty sure most if not all people are not losers. It's a really good thing you are getting your shit together, because you will be ahead of the curve, as the life purpose course gives you a 10 year plan which will obliterate the competition and make you a creator.

 

 A note on the life purpose course - Follow that shit through till your dead, sacrifice everything and put your fcking blood,sweat and tears into it because it will be a heelllllll of a lot more worth than chasing stupid shit like money or sex.

 

As you said, being a cop is not for you. This is ultimately your decision, and will probably solve some problems as going to the military will set you up as a rock-solid kick-ass disciplined fearless son of a bitch. Passion is more x100 all of this useless crap people are chasing, and you will win oh so greatly in the end game. 

 

On a final note, watch this video as it is extremely important:

 

 

 

Remember that The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
 

Edited March 29, 2016 by JevinR
Fuck your reasons

[ExitDone]

Thank you all, guys. You've writed really inspirational things there which I'll take count of that. Probably in a few years I'll get back to this topic and share the story if I changed a bit or not.

[Draconis Chaser]

@ExitDone  Dude, it's going to be fine. 

I know it doesn't sound like much, and it feels like you are diving head first into deep waters, but it all works out for the best. Just give yourself enough time and try not to put too much pressure upon yourself. 

I left home almost 3 years ago, and I seriously think that was the best decision I ever made. You'll grow to like your new independance and especially freedom immediately! At least that's how it went for me.

Good luck!

 

[JevinR]

@Draconis Chaser I know you're trying to help, but the idea of "it's all going to work out for the best" is complete fcking bullshit, 

 

 

"Many people I know who are very well versed in self-development are the worst little paraders of this bullsh*t that everything will work out for the best and they have forgotten the component of taking action , they have forgotten the component of rationale paranoia that you will will f*cking fail if you do not take action, you will f*cking fail, failure is the default if you do not have rational paranoia, failure is the f*cking default"

 

The solution? 

 

"It's called being a f*cking executor, no excuses, there's no f*cking excuse, execute. Just do it, do it b*tch DO IT. you realize that once you do start working regularly, and you enjoy what you're doing regularly, it's really not that hard to work hard, it's actually pretty easy. The hardest part of beating laziness is just the initial shift in gears. It's like a diet, the only hard part of diet is just that first month, really once you're done the first month you're just eating healthy food."

 

PS - I wish I were in a fcked up situation so I could dig myself out and build unshakable strength/willpower, so consider yourself lucky because the amount of growth you will experience, holy hell you'll become a monster.

Edited March 31, 2016 by JevinR

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@ExitDone I'm so sorry I was unable to read the entirety of your post but I got the gist of it. My mother passed away when I was 17 and by 19 I was on my own too. You figure it out pretty quick....if you were thrown into water you would try damn hard to swim, or at least float....the alternative is drowning, right? I can't offer you any mystical insight at this point in my actualization, but here are some tips from someone that has been there:

1. Assume you can do it, be confident, or at least "fake it till you make it"

2. You are never truly homeless if you have a vehcile (try to get your lisence/ car first).

3.  Learn how to cook rice, beans, etc from dried ( buy in bulk) and budget food money for veggies, eating= top priority

4. Set up safety nets other than parents, where you can turn ( community help, etc)

5. Eliminate all addictions ( alchcol is a huge waste of time/ money, so is tv, gamming, etc)

6. Baby step it, don't try to live beyond your means until you are stable ( ex: rent a room before an apartment, etc)

7. Try to have back-ups for everything (places to stay, extra jobs-keep one really part time one for emergencies, etc)

It may seem scary, but you will fucking love it! The freedom, independence and growth are just what you need, good luck!

 

[Draconis Chaser]

@JevinR Yeah, the "just do it, bitch. DO IT!" has failed for me every single time. And don't get me wrong, I'm not wallowing in self pity here.
Yes, tough love works wonders, but only when you are not paralyzed with fear, confused and feel alone. 

And also, let's not forget that the op is a kid in Romania with little to no support, and has been that way for (if I understood properly) most of his life. I live in neighbouring country, and the conditions really are that bad. The family by default puts enough pressure on you to become either a doctor or a lawyer because it pays well. Well, better than the rest. 

Again, that is not, and should never be an excuse to go with the least resistance path and not get off your ass and work towards your goals.

All I'm saying is that sometimes people (and especially younger, lonely, depressed people) need to be told that it's allright. And that it will be, no matter what. It serves as an initial nudge into "Just do it" phylosophy, if you will.

Take care.

  

[charlie2dogs]

On 3/28/2016 at 0:07 PM, ExitDone said:

Hello.

I want to keep my name for privacy but you can still call me ExitDone. I am 19 years old, being on the last year of High School and living on Romania.

Since I was young, life was always easy for me. I had a huge comfort even if I wasn't so gratitude of that. I recived my own room on house, always was eating well and I also got school and high school few steps from my home.  During school (1-8 grades) I was in a big confort with not so bad teachers to give me bad grades so I basically didn't learn anything. In 5th grade I recived my own computer which I use it since then, most of my time being in the front of the monitor.  Since I never got any friend most of time time I was sitting on my room and trying to find happiness from internet. Right now I'm still in the same situation. I'm in the last year of High School which it would be not really hard to pass the final exams. And after that I have to take my life in the hands.

I'm very scared of getting out of here. I'm probably 19 years old but I feel more like a 10 years old boy. I'm totaly really not developed as a person. I mean it's also very hard for me to exprime an opinion in front of someone. My parents want me to go to police academy which I'm pretty sure this is not my life purpose. I'm following that Leo's course trying to find it and I feel like if I go to Police Academy I will only take the easy part of life. My parents' motivation to go there is because after you graduate they offer service and salary imediately for being cop. But I just feel that I really wouldn't like that. I created a plan to after gruduate High School, go to England, work and live there until I will find my purpose and I can do the college that will help me to work on it. Sounds easy, right? For me it's really not. Most of my classmates are going to different college on this country but I actually call this a stuck in the comfort zone. They will only be supported by their parents which i really don't want this anymore. I was for 19 years and I'm really tired of being a loser.  You will probably ask why don't I stay on this country, work here and go to college? Well, the opportunity here is not so good. After you finish the college you will work for a few money which you can't even pay your rent with them. In England you can work and be x5 times payed than the salary from here.

So basically I'm really stuck right now and I don't know what to do. My biggest fears of leaving home are:

Working: I never worked before.  Like I told you, it was always easy for me. I never cleaned my room step by step, washed dishes, do a full time job in a day, study well. I was always a dreamer stuck in television and music. With these 2 things I tought life is so easy but now thinking about it, it can be really hard. So I'm not sure if I can just go outside and work for someone. i don't know if I can resist mentally and physically. Starting to work 8-10 years per day will be a crazy pain in the ass since all these 19 years I only sat all day on computer without doing anything. And think about thoug work like in construction, carring big packages etc. It will be totaly something new and painful for me.

Homesick: I do not have a good relationship with my parents. I even heard them saying 2-3 times that they regret they made me. They actually never wanted a kid. Last time they said that is when I refused to agree I will go to Police Academy. I explained them that it won't be my life purpouse and after that they started to scream and cursing me saying that I'll become a drug dealer. Their own mentality is really fucked up thinking that only jobs a person can have is: medic, policeman, teacher, priest. So basically I can't talk with them serious things because they already think I'm a loser. They saw me sitting in this home for 19 years so what would they expect? They want me to give the easy choice to have a confortable life. I don't feel that I want this. Anyway, since I do not like them I'll be still homesick. There are moments when I have memories of my parents doing some things. For example when I was trying to make my own CV I remembered my mother writting on her CV and I started to feel bad (idk way). Leaving home could be a hard choice for me and I really want to know how can I not be homesick.

Comfort Zone: Sounds easy, right? Well, not really. When I'm talking about comfort zone I also mention social anxiety that I got (what would you expect from a guy who sat 19 years on home?), sometimes depression (or maybe I pretend to have). These things can kill me. I almost never went out from this town. I recently started to go in the other city to do some driver license things. That city is almost 2 hours away from my hometown. I took the train and I even had a big fear from this. Last time I also got the wrong train so what would you expect from me? Getting out from here to England would be crazy. I can imagine myself there in the middle of the street and I do not know what can I do. Well, probably find a place to sleep so I may call an agency company. After that find a job. Well, sure, it sounds so easy but it would be really crazy for me.

 

So I lost all my years on television, gaming and stupid relationships and now I regret it. I feel like I'm totaly a loser. I recently found Lion's channel and learned some stuff about myself. I also bought that Life Purpouse course and learned a lot of things from it too (btw, I bought it with my YouTube money that I made but for some reasons I deleted my channels) . Watching them could be really easy but put it in practice would be pain in the ass. Comparing with the other teenagers I feel that I'm being lower. One of my motivations was to be unique than them so recently I heard in a video that if I think 10 years foward I'll be always better than those who think 1 year foward. That's one of my small inspiration right now. So speaking about course I'm at Values assigment, so I didn't finish it yet. I still have faith that this will help me a lot 10 years later. But he also mentioned that you can discover your purpose in 1 week or 10 years. So until these 10 years I decided to go to England, work and live there, like I said. But I'm not really sure. I'm totaly mindfucked atm and I'm trying to stay on a track. Right now I'm thinking to find happiness from some chips and wafers but I decided to eat healthy and stop finding lower happiness from bullshits.

 

 

Anyway, if you read everything I written I really thank you. I'm pretty sure that everyone who's over 20 can give me a pretty simple advice. What do you guys think that I should do and handle everything? I'm totaly lost and I'm looking for some opinions. Thank you.

simple advice? the most simple advice i can give you is get a job and go to work, and when the consequences of that easy life comes, be prepared to be patient, and learn, that life isn't always easy.  You need guidance for sure, a mentor would be good if you could listen and follow their guidance.  The condition you describe yourself in isn't going to be easy to work with, maybe you better start with any job you can get and work your way into better things as you learn, and i know that job will be boring as hell to you but look you gotta learn to take care of yourself or live in the parks with the homeless as long as it will last.  I know this isn't something you wanted to hear but if you are ever going to do anything, you need to get off your ass and do it now and that most likely begins with a job that you wont like, but it will be a good test to see if you are worth hiring for a better job or position later.

[JevinR]

@Draconis Chaser It's not that, it's just self-help in general. The idea that everything is going to be ok, but you must take action, that is the key, no matter how small that action is, it is still progress. Even thinking about wanting to change is a plausible action. It's not about tough love, it's about execution.

[pixelwave]

Very well written.@IndependantKouhai ;-)

@JevinR Just do it didn't help me either I still need to work on my discipline which for me is still a big issue sometimes ,but the thing about it will all workout in the end I guess you're right about that.

In the end it will all be alright I also believe that's bullsh*t! I'm glad I don't have that mindset anymore because you could go with the flow and do like all the rest does of lift your ass up and become something that indeed will be alright in the end. But as long as you think it will all be alright and keep gaming and waste your time on TV, you waste time of this oh so precious life.

@ExitDone When I was reading about your story I got goosebumps. What I mean with that is I also had some equal issues . What you describe is you have a bad relationship with your parents. You are in a loop of doing the same things over and over again, and it's very good that you're aware of that and you are willing to change. That was for me the biggest step. 

I also had a bad relationship with my parents a year ago, so I decided to study in a city far away. It completely changed me but I wasn't very happy there, so after a year I went back and realized what I had: a home.

My relationship with my parents increased enormously and I could finally take care off myself. What I want to say about that is, it's a very good decision to go do something completely different.

But you have to realize that it will be pretty damn hard, because everything is up to you know. Cooking, shopping, finding a good job. If I was you I would start by making a big plan (don't go unprepared), keep watching those amazing self improvement videos, never quit doing that. It changed me a lot in one year, like I said since I watched those videos it made me 5 years wiser really. 

If I was you and I would go to England I would start by looking for a job and look for a good sport to practice. It's a good way to get the know more people there and you are again more out of your comfort zone.

What improves my social fear enormously is to be a waiter or a shop assistant so that you are always in contact with people.

Don't put your expectations to high, that's one of the mistakes I made. But realize how far you've grown step by step.

 

Edited May 31, 2016 by pixelwave