Is my friend the devil? Or am I the devil?

[Amadeusz]

So my friend probably does manipulative shit. He doesn't see he exploits me and he doesn't see that he takes more than he gives. But maybe I'm the devil as Leo said and me judging him is only a distraction? I see that he's kinda my reflection. Whenever I do something bad he does. I manipulate - he does. In my mind of course he's always worse. But maybe he is?  He rarely apologizes and he's always been my follower - I dropped from university - then he did, I and I meditate more and do more insight work so I am more aware of my inner demons so I'm a little better (I know I'm still egoistic and I work on it). Jeez how to navigate this shit. Help... I know I know I should contemplate a lot, do meditation and stuff. But maybe some advice will also help? 

I did this manipulative shit in the past on him so maybe it's karma? And all I have to do is create good karma? And I should clean myself and he will also clean? But what if he doesn't? I know I know, that's the bulk of the work. But maybe some advice? 

I have few action steps:

• be independent from him 
• try to act fair in our relationship
• meditate, contemplate on this topic
• meet new people and see if the problem lies in him or in me (if the problem would repeat with other people then it's me)
• embrace confusion
• change myself so he changes (nondual approach)
• setting the boundaries. Don't flatter but don't attack. Stay calm during storms and negotiate. Try to point issues indirectly and say about my flaws first. 
• If the anger is too strong try to communicate the issue instead holding it without talking. Of course in 90% he will dismiss my problems. (But so did I when he came with a problem to me).

 

Thanks for reading. Guuuys help, maybe some encouragement to tackle this problem? Thanks

 

 

[B_Naz]

Your meditation and self-inquiry is clearly working but you're not seeing what's happening (as in, you may not seeing the progress).

You are now actually seeing the "true" you. This means you're seeing yourself as the devil! Yes you are the devil. But you shouldn't feel bad about yourself, or even try to change yourself dramatically. This is because everybody is the devil, you're one of the devils that is starting to realize and action will only come with awareness. So keep doing what you are doing and you will naturally change

I put true in quotation marks because that isn't obviously the authentic you but your ego you. It isn't the awareness you.

You also have a clear idea of Karma as well. Karma isn't actions that will affect you in the short-term but will in the long term (as I am sure you know).

But now you need to realize that it isn't just with your friend but your whole life is a self-deception. This friendship flaw is only one part of a thousand other parts that you can put awareness onto. Like for example, how you feel about money, power, status, rank. These are just self-deceptions that you assign meaning to!  

it isn't all the "egoistical" stuff either, its also about confidence, purpose and love. This is a bit more deeper and I am not saying you shouldn't feel these things but it's a question about self-deception  

Watch Leo's video on self-deception

I think the actions you are thinking about doing are perfectly fine and are even creative like the non-duality action. You can do all of them.

Sounds to me you know what you're doing. The advice has always been within you, just keep searching for it

Much love

[Leo Gura]

Of course both of you are devils.

All of those action steps are good ones.

If he's dragging you down too much, minimize your time with him.

[Forestluv]

If you need to write an eight point plan to get space from a friend, there is something going on.

It looks pretty deep, like trying to break free of a relationship.

Can’t you tell him you need some space for a while for personal development? Cut your contact with him by 60% and do other stuff - make other friends.

If he is a true friend he will be supportive. If he gets all manipulative and guilt trips you, consider cutting him loose. 

Relationships are a mix of good and bad. Decide how much of your life you want to invest in this

[Nahm]

@Amadeusz

Relationships are for your consciousness, not to make you happy. What does your friend help you to be conscious of? That is the adventure of self mastery. That is the joy in the journey.