Should I Even Bother?

[WhatAmI]

So this is my situation:
There is this guy that I have been seeing at the moment. He sounds like the perfect guy - smart, interesting personality, adventurous, creative, attractive but the only thing wrong about him is that he doesn't really know himself.
He has been in a long term committed relationship. Normally, when I first meet a guy, we talk about general stuff like our dreams, what we're passionate about, things that we find interesting. But literally, the first thing that he told me about was his relationship history. For a good 20-30 minutes, he just went on and on about how he hates his ex and all the problems they had in their relationship and why he is so glad that she "isn't holding him back anymore" and I listened and tried to be open minded about it, even though I barely know him or his ex.
Then afterwards, he turned the conversation back to me and was just like "so tell me about your past relationships". That honestly took me aback. Usually when I am just starting off with a guy we get to know each other, and I don't like talking about my past unless I can trust him or know that we have a future. I have made some mistakes in the past but those were lessons that I needed to learn to make me a stronger person. I was going through a lot of mental health issues/self esteem issues during my past relationships and that contributed to the way that I reacted to problems in my previous relationships. I don't want to tell a guy THAT I AM STILL in the "getting to know you" phase of all the shit in my past. It makes me sad thinking about it and I dont want him to judge me on what has happened in my past.
Anyways, in that conversation, I just said "I'm sorry, I don't know you very well, is it okay if we get to know each other more and I'll tell you when I feel comfortable?" and he got kinda offended. He was like "i am being open with you" and it made me feel bad because there is a reason I dont want to be open about this one specific topic. I am willing to be open about literally everything else about my life, the only think I dont want to talk about is my past boyfriends/people I have had sex with. I never ask anyone for their number of sexual partners or anything about their past.
I always felt that if someone wanted to talk about their past relationships, they should do it on their own accord and not be FORCED to talk about it if they don't want to. He said "yeah that's fine we don't need to talk about it" but a few times after this conversation he has made it clear that he doesn't like the fact that I don't talk about it.
SO MY QUESTION IS: What should I say to him to make him back off about my past relationships? he wont let it go and I just wish he would respect what I my privacy until I am ready. For guys reading this, why is it even important to you to know a girl's relationship history? During the early part of the dating phase....

THE OTHER QUESTION i have is: if a guy's first piece of "getting to know me" facts is his relationship history, does that mean he is still hung up on his ex and not ready to get into another relationship? He broke up with his ex over 6 months ago, and told me he rebounded a girl after that for a couple of months to get over his ex, and a few months later met me.

I really don't have the time/patience to deal with someone that isn't over their ex. I am also worried he'll use me as a rebound as well. Like the fact that the most important thing he wants to know about me is my sexual history kinda makes me think that he would only want me for sex and then move on? if he was serious about dating me then he would be making more effort to get to know me for my hobbies and shit, right??

any thoughts would be appreciated xxxxxx

[Harry]

Why are you so insecure about your past? Correct me if i'm wrong, but it seems like you are holding in a lot of guilt about the past. No matter how bad your past was, it happened, you did those things. The best thing you can do now is accept it fully and wear it on your sleeve. Bottling those things up is a recipe for disaster! 

However, I do agree with you. You should not be forced to share anything until you feel your relationship has progressed far enough that it is appropriate.

But this does not excuse you from looking inside to see why you are so afraid to share this information in the first place!

[WhatAmI]

@Harry I am afraid to share this information because I am scared of being judged/unloved because of it.

I accept what has happened but I know that not everyone else will. The kind of guy that I want would usually have high standards/expect their girl to have a non-turbulent past.

I dont want to hide it but I feel like it is just excess baggage that does not need attention. I dont see why it matters, or why I should tell him. I want it to be natural and when I know that he won't judge me/leave me because of it.

Why put yourself in a vulnerable position and wear your heart on your sleeve when you are just going to get hurt/judged? When I know I wont get hurt, then I will mention everything

[Harry]

50 minutes ago, WhatAmI said:

The kind of guy that I want would usually have high standards/expect their girl to have a non-turbulent past.

Then you have already failed. You want what you can't have.

You have the attitude of 'I wouldn't want to be part of any club that would have me as a member'.

56 minutes ago, WhatAmI said:

Why put yourself in a vulnerable position and wear your heart on your sleeve when you are just going to get hurt/judged?

The kind of guy that is going to judge you for your past is the kind of guy you want to avoid. If you have honestly learnt from your mistakes and have changed why would it even matter, the past is but a memory.

You are going to have to open up at some point. Are you not better off doing this at the start of the relationship where you have little emotional attachment than 12 months down the line where you have fallen deeply in love? Is it not more hurtful to find out he is unable to accept your past at this point? 

[Guest]

He comes off as a needy and insecure beta male, and those are not good relationship material

[Lynnel]

3 hours ago, WhatAmI said:

SO MY QUESTION IS: What should I say to him to make him back off about my past relationships? he wont let it go and I just wish he would respect what I my privacy until I am ready. For guys reading this, why is it even important to you to know a girl's relationship history? During the early part of the dating phase....

THE OTHER QUESTION i have is: if a guy's first piece of "getting to know me" facts is his relationship history, does that mean he is still hung up on his ex and not ready to get into another relationship? He broke up with his ex over 6 months ago, and told me he rebounded a girl after that for a couple of months to get over his ex, and a few months later met me.

Well. No it doesn't mean he is hung up on his ex. And for that you could simply ask him whether he is over his past relationships or not.

It is extremely important. The number of partners, their age, the duration of the past relationships. You can understand A LOT about the person simply by their relationship history. Daddy issues, insecurities, etc. It also helps for red flags.

 

1 hour ago, WhatAmI said:

@Harry I am afraid to share this information because I am scared of being judged/unloved because of it.

!!!I accept what has happened but I know that not everyone else will.!!! The kind of guy that I want would usually have high standards/expect their girl to have a non-turbulent past.

I dont want to hide it but I feel like it is just excess baggage that does not need attention. I dont see why it matters, or why I should tell him. I want it to be natural and when I know that he won't judge me/leave me because of it.

Why put yourself in a vulnerable position and wear your heart on your sleeve when you are just going to get hurt/judged? When I know I wont get hurt, then I will mention everything

You don't. It's actually a projection. if you're fine with your past, you'll be fine with people not being fine with it.

And almost always if you're fine with your past, it's gonna be fine for other people. It's an issue only if you make one out of it.

You are actively hiding it and escaping from it and of course the way your reacted about it, he must have felt that you have something to hide and are uncomfortable about it, which will make him wonder about what's wrong.

Sorry if I was too harsh.

[Harry]

@Lynnel

2 minutes ago, Lynnel said:

You don't. It's actually a projection. if you're fine with your past, you'll be fine with people not being fine with it.

And almost always if you're fine with your past, it's gonna be fine for other people. It's an issue only if you make one out of it.

You are actively hiding it and escaping from it and of course the way your reacted about it, he must have felt that you have something to hide and are uncomfortable about it, which will make him wonder about what's wrong.

Sorry if I was too harsh.

You hit the nail on the head!

[WhatAmI]

@Harry @Lynnel @Socrates @Lucifer

thanks heaps for your advice guys :')
It gave me a lot to think about.. I guess next time he brings it up I'll just be honest about it and act like its no big deal..
and if he is going to leave me or judge me for it then I will have to accept that and realise it probably wasn't meant to be.

It's just sad because i can see him being the perfect boyfriend and it would suck to have to end it haha... :l 
 

[Guest]

@WhatAmI There is no "perfect" partner and also there is no "the one". Also, if there was, a "perfect" boyfriend would not ask you about your past relationships so early. Yeah later in the relationship when you both like each other and things get serious you probbaly would have told him, when you trust him more. But not so early, it only shows how he is a possible control freak, how he is insecure about his own masculinity and so on... but you shouldn't hide anything either. If you never tell about your past, even when it's time to show your trust, then it's a bad sign. I mistrusted my ex all the time since she always seemed to hold things back and would not tell me anything. Even tho we moved together she still was hiding her past, actually she was hiding a lot of things, that made me rethink my decision, and since she also used to lie (mostly white lies) I dumped her ass.

Remember, truth is good. Soon, but not too soon. That guy is probably scared and/or judgmental