Abuse, Neglect, Codependency and Loss

[Martin123]

I saw the whole retreat livestreamed, it was epic. 
So whats your wound? Afraid of loss? Codependent? Have you been on the receiving end of abuse, or have you been neglected? What combination is dancing in your subconscious mind?
I have certainly been conditioned into codependency, through my parent´s absolute lack of boundaries. As a result I have a really deeply ingrained fear of change, and at the same time fear of staying in the same situation for too long, as a result of neglectful memories. What a paradox!

[How to be wise]

@Martin123 Matt Kahn’s videos are impossible to watch! I tried watching several of them, but I could never go past 10 mins, because I can’t figure out what he’s trying to say. He just rambles on about love. What does he teach in his videos?

[Martin123]

2 minutes ago, How to be wise said:

@Martin123 Matt Kahn’s videos are impossible to watch! I tried watching several of them, but I could never go past 10 mins, because I can’t figure out what he’s trying to say. He just rambles on about love. What does he teach in his videos?

That is fascinating.

i hasn’t no trouble following the four hour life streams... or 2.5h or whatever:D

I thought everyone was equally as relaxed while watching Matt.

 

Matts teachings are a felt experience, they’re not for the mind to understand, they are for the inner feeler, to relax your nervous system and integrate the ego.

[Martin123]

Sorry for the typos, phone and too tired

[How to be wise]

@Martin123 I guess that’s not my cup of tea. I don’t feel anything when watching those gurus. If they have fascinating techniques and a clear cut goal I listen. Otherwise I’m out of there.

[Martin123]

7 minutes ago, How to be wise said:

can’t figure out what he’s trying to say.

Mhhhm your mind is avoiding surrender by trying to figure things out  

I think that’s a normal thing everyone has to go through. I’m certainly not implying that it’s your fault. But just pointing out something you might wanna watch out for.

[How to be wise]

@Martin123 I surrender my mind during my inquiry practice, not when watching videos. I watch videos for information that could help my inquiry practice.

P.S. Kahn can’t enlighten you in his videos. If you’re not getting some sort of information or inspiration from his videos for your PRACTICE, then you’re wasting your time.

[Nahm]

53 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

I have certainly been conditioned into codependency, through my parent´s absolute lack of boundaries. As a result I have a really deeply ingrained fear of change, and at the same time fear of staying in the same situation for too long, as a result of neglectful memories. What a paradox

Excellent work right there man. Love the courage in sharing ??. What a paradox indeed. 

[Martin123]

Just now, How to be wise said:

I surrender my mind during my inquiry practice,

I don’t understand this I’m sorry but what is an enquiry practice good for when it’s the only space for surrender. Shouldn’t a spiritual practice cultivate surrender so you can have a surrendered mind in all segments of your life? 

Its like saying I don’t want my food baked outside of the oven, outside of the oven I want my food raw, I only need it baked inside the oven... and then you eat raw food even though you bake and bake and bake...

4 minutes ago, How to be wise said:

P.S. Kahn can’t enlighten you in his videos. If you’re not getting some sort of information or inspiration from his videos for your PRACTICE, then you’re wasting your time.

Well thanks for looking out for me. I almost wanna dare you like... “wanna bet”? ? no malevolence intended, it’s just humour btw.

[Martin123]

2 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Excellent work right there man. Love the courage in sharing ??. What a paradox indeed. 

Oh thank you it’s such a pain in the ass sometimes feeling centuries of neglected trauma, it’s kinda nice when someone appreciates that hahaha. 

So what about your wounds? 

[How to be wise]

@Martin123 you misunderstood me. I am surrendering my mind more and more in my inquiry practice. I’m surrendering it permanently, so I can live with it. Right now I can’t surrender my mind fully to reality. Which is where inquiry comes in, to help me to do that permanently.

[Martin123]

@How to be wise Oh ok my bad, I must have misunderstood you youre right :-) 
Btw isnt Byron Katie totally hot? I love chicks with gray hair, even young ones. Makes them look mature. 

And dont say it!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOOOOOOOW MOMMY ISSUES... I do have them

[phoenix666]

1 hour ago, Martin123 said:

Matts teachings are a felt experience, they’re not for the mind to understand, they are for the inner feeler, to relax your nervous system and integrate the ego.

I can relate to this so much. I could listen to Matt for hours. I can literally feel my nervous system relaxing. live seems brighter, I can see and feel love more intensely afterwards. 

Matt's teachings just feel true. it usually just clicks. like he's helping me reconnect to a long forgotten truth I've always had in me, hidden in my subconscious.

my wounds were abuse and neglect. abuse has lead to severe lack of self worth and lots of shame, guilt and self hatred. there where long periods where my parents and no one else around me noticed my suffering. I'm always looking for love, validation and approval from outside. now I know I have to turn inward for all oft that..

thanks for sharing, @Martin123 and remember how fascinating paradoxes actually are <3

[Martin123]

@phoenix666 Aww youre welcome.
Its always so heartwarming talking to other genuine empathic beings. Lights up my heart every time. <3 

Especially cuz I have a tendency to judge everyone else (sorry not sorry, I just wanna go home k? =D) 

edit: This song tho 

 

Edited September 19, 2018 by Martin123

[Nahm]

@Martin123 Thanks for askin man. I’ve been outta the wounds work for a while now.  I’m transitioning my life these days, and learning as I do. It’s not easy, and I like it. 

[Martin123]

@Nahm Well goodl luck with your transition!

[Martin123]

@Artaemis  I see, thats rough man, lots of love you got this <3 

[Nahm]

@Martin123 Thank you sir.

@Artaemis Hugs. 

[Nahm]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TtLn-McrzmI

 

[Recursoinominado]

I saw this video, what a synchronicity! I am gaining awareness of my core wounds but don't know exactly what to do. I think I have all of them lol. I had a dysfunctional family growing up, today I totally lack self worth, boundaries, seek approval and so I fear success, failure, I self sabotage every single chance I get which is making me stuck in life. I don't feel that I deserve good things, always assume the worse and don't give any credit for myself for anything. This creates lots of problems, resistances, self limiting beliefs which I try to overcome but I always feel like I am fighting an uphill battle and if I stop for one moment, I fall back to my old behaviors hard. 

 

For some reason, I had a vision and a feeling that I was neglected as a baby by my mother (she always was highly dysfunctional, narcissist with lots of wounds that she projected on me). 

Edited September 20, 2018 by Recursoinominado