Should you become a fuckboy? My emotional crisis

[billiesimon]

I'm going to embarass myself for the sake of being honest and sincere here.

I've had some girlfriends in my life, and I'm 29 this year.

I'm having a deep sexual crisis right now, like some kind of "end-of-twenties crisis".

I feel like I've only had serious gfs and this is making me feel like I've wasted my youth (of course I'm still young but not super young) on monogamy.
I see a lot of girls I know as friends who have a lot of casual sex and fuckbuddies and this makes me feel inadequate, because I can clearly see that women have random sex while me, as a young man, am not. Also this reinforces my shadow conflict with the feminine because I feel like they (girls) can have sexual fun and I can't.

I have this strong ego push to try a period in my life where I'm just the fuckboy (or fuccboi ). It's very very hardcore, it's keeping me awake at night, while some of my female friends keep on telling me how good they fuck with random people (no judgement of course).

This is completely ruining me, I truly need to have this "degenerate" period in my life, or I'll continue to feel in competition with women.

What's your opinion? Is it unhealthy? If women are allowed to do it then I can do it too.

Edited September 19, 2018 by billiesimon

[Spiral]

Noting wrong with being sexually active but being a fuckboy is a bit unnecessary and unethical. Just be sexual instead of trying to using romance to get the girl. 

[Michael569]

1 hour ago, billiesimon said:

This is completely ruining me, I truly need to have this "degenerate" period in my life, or I'll continue to feel in competition with women.

Perhaps that's what you should be doing then. Go and have sex with 50 girls, then come back and update us on whether you feel any different. The first-hand experience is the best answer you can ever get. 

[NoSelfSelf]

I can be 100% sure it wont do anything significant for your inner growth, you are chasing pleasure nothing wrong with that it could be unhealthy if its addiction or you get stds other than that its like getting drunk its fun then its not

[billiesimon]

1 hour ago, Spiral said:

Noting wrong with being sexually active but being a fuckboy is a bit unnecessary and unethical. Just be sexual instead of trying to using romance to get the girl. 

I don't know what kind of definition of fuccboi you mean. 

I mean just having casual sex in an honest manner. I'm not interested in using fake romance to get the girls.

Girls also like casual sex with no emotions attached.

[zoey101]

@billiesimon All I can say is, I think it is totally cool to live like that ONLY if you stay open and honest about your intentions to the woman you are with. Yes, there are girls that are into the casual scene, but others may get attached if you do not let them know upfront what you are hoping to gain from the experience, if that makes sense.

 

Other than that, have fun and make sure you PROTECT YOURSELF!!! 

[billiesimon]

15 minutes ago, zoey101 said:

@billiesimon All I can say is, I think it is totally cool to live like that ONLY if you stay open and honest about your intentions to the woman you are with. Yes, there are girls that are into the casual scene, but others may get attached if you do not let them know upfront what you are hoping to gain from the experience, if that makes sense.

 

Other than that, have fun and make sure you PROTECT YOURSELF!!! 

Thanks 

I'm not interested in doing it for life, just for a short period of time to get this experience in my bag.

I don't want to manipulate or damage anybody, I'm interested in trying this out with women who look for casual sex.
It's against my values to be a liar about sex/relationships.

[zoey101]

Just now, billiesimon said:

Thanks 

I'm not interested in doing it for life, just for a short period of time to get this experience in my bag.

I don't want to manipulate or damage anybody, I'm interested in trying this out with women who look for casual sex.
It's against my values to be a liar about sex/relationships.

I got that from your post

I mainly just wanted to say it because some girls are special and need to be told upfront lol 

I had my adventurous stage myself  so no judgement here whatsoever! 

Just make sure you are smart about it for your own protection 

[Spiral]

40 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

I don't know what kind of definition of fuccboi you mean. 

I mean just having casual sex in an honest manner. I'm not interested in using fake romance to get the girls.

Girls also like casual sex with no emotions attached.

When there's nothing wrong with that, go out and have fun.  

I meant:  https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fuckboy

Edited September 19, 2018 by Spiral

[zoey101]

18 minutes ago, Spiral said:

When there's nothing wrong with that, go out and have fun.  

I meant:  https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fuckboy

wow that is an intense definition lmao

[billiesimon]

1 hour ago, zoey101 said:

I got that from your post

I mainly just wanted to say it because some girls are special and need to be told upfront lol 

I had my adventurous stage myself  so no judgement here whatsoever! 

Just make sure you are smart about it for your own protection 

To me it's important because I've never never had an adventure, only relationships all my twenties.

For my part, I'm completely clean and healthy, and always been. I'm going to protect myself 100% to keep being clean of diseases.

Thanks again 

Edited September 19, 2018 by billiesimon

[billiesimon]

1 hour ago, Spiral said:

When there's nothing wrong with that, go out and have fun.  

I meant:  https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fuckboy

LOOOOL!

I mean it in the RSD way. They usually use the term "fuckboy" to describe a guy who has casual sex or fuckbuddy sex. Never heard about this "faking relationships" thing. I hate that.

Edited September 19, 2018 by billiesimon

[Forestluv]

@billiesimon What is holding you back from playing this role? From exploring your sexuality? What is the underlying block?

Personally, I grew up in a Catholic home with a lot of guilt about sex. And a lot of rules about who to have sex with, when to have sex and what type of sex to have. It took me a long time to deconstruct that conditioning. I had to deconstruct both intellectually and emotional conditioning. Intellectual came before emotional. For example, I intellectually understood that a consensual one-night stand was not immoral to me. Yet, it still *felt* wrong to me. It took a while for me to get through the emotional conditioning. When I did, I was free to explore my sexuality. And it's a wonderful thing to explore!

[billiesimon]

7 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

@billiesimon What is holding you back from playing this role? From exploring your sexuality? What is the underlying block?

Personally, I grew up in a Catholic home with a lot of guilt about sex. And a lot of rules about who to have sex with, when to have sex and what type of sex to have. It took me a long time to deconstruct that conditioning. I had to deconstruct both intellectually and emotional conditioning. Intellectual came before emotional. For example, I intellectually understood that a consensual one-night stand was not immoral to me. Yet, it still *felt* wrong to me. It took a while for me to get through the emotional conditioning. When I did, I was free to explore my sexuality. And it's a wonderful thing to explore!

I have a very similar background  My family is catholic, which is normal in europe, but some families are more secular than others. Mine was pretty traditionalist. I grew up with a similar sense of guilt, and shame about my own desires. 

I think that part of me is still somehow held back by this conditioning, and I also have a very strong resentment towards myself for never letting go to a casual sex lifestyle. 

[ajasatya]

@billiesimon do it. and always ask yourself if you're feeling trully happy.

[Forestluv]

43 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

I have a very similar background  My family is catholic, which is normal in europe, but some families are more secular than others. Mine was pretty traditionalist. I grew up with a similar sense of guilt, and shame about my own desires. 

I think that part of me is still somehow held back by this conditioning, and I also have a very strong resentment towards myself for never letting go to a casual sex lifestyle. 

I hear ya. I was in a lame vanilla relationship for 11 years - during my sexual peak (arrrrgh).

I've only had a few one-night stands / flings. They generally felt unnatural to me. I just didn't feel like a "player". One time after sex, it felt so shallow. There was no connection. I didn't know her at all. It felt fake - yet she was a very real person with real emotions. She wanted to cuddle afterwards and I'm thinking "Are you serious??!! We are strangers to each other." I was so uncomfortable I had to leave. I couldn't continue. I left her there alone and I felt awful. I must have apologized a dozen times.

For a while, I thought the lesson was that I need to date someone for a bit to establish a connection. Yet, one day I found myself with a woman in Colombia and we connected immediately. We totally opened ourselves and shared our inner selves. Really deep emotional stuff. It felt so natural to have sex together and it was beautiful. Then, this happened with another woman. So, I learned it is possible for me to have an instant connection and meaningful sex on short notice. Yet, it's very rare.

My BIG sexual revelation had nothing to do with one-night stands or scoring with women. It came when I dated a sexually liberated woman. She had none of the guilt or shame about sex. She had no rules. She was open, free and wanted to try so many things with me. I was completely comfortable with her and we tried things that would be taboo in my Catholic upbringing. We explored a lot of kinky stuff. It was very liberating to me. MUCH more so than having vanilla sex with a woman I picked up in a bar.

[billiesimon]

41 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

I hear ya. I was in a lame vanilla relationship for 11 years - during my sexual peak (arrrrgh).

I've only had a few one-night stands / flings. They generally felt unnatural to me. I just didn't feel like a "player". One time after sex, it felt so shallow. There was no connection. I didn't know her at all. It felt fake - yet she was a very real person with real emotions. She wanted to cuddle afterwards and I'm thinking "Are you serious??!! We are strangers to each other." I was so uncomfortable I had to leave. I couldn't continue. I left her there alone and I felt awful. I must have apologized a dozen times.

For a while, I thought the lesson was that I need to date someone for a bit to establish a connection. Yet, one day I found myself with a woman in Colombia and we connected immediately. We totally opened ourselves and shared our inner selves. Really deep emotional stuff. It felt so natural to have sex together and it was beautiful. Then, this happened with another woman. So, I learned it is possible for me to have an instant connection and meaningful sex on short notice. Yet, it's very rare.

My BIG sexual revelation had nothing to do with one-night stands or scoring with women. It came when I dated a sexually liberated woman. She had none of the guilt or shame about sex. She had no rules. She was open, free and wanted to try so many things with me. I was completely comfortable with her and we tried things that would be taboo in my Catholic upbringing. We explored a lot of kinky stuff. It was very liberating to me. MUCH more so than having vanilla sex with a woman I picked up in a bar.

That's a very interesting and useful story! thanks!

I also have problems with never having had "crazy experiences", like threesomes and all that stuff. This pains me a lot because I unconsciously avoided all those paths in life to keep myself "clean".

The problematic part is that when I hear men having these experiences, I feel a slight slight envy, but when it's women who tell me these stories... I feel so resentful towards myself. Such a loser. I think this stems from the fear of being judged a "nice loser guy" by women.

Growing up I've always seen girls choosing the fuckboys over me, and I think that I developed this sense of shame around being a nice guy. Nowadays I feel a lot of shame when a woman tells me I'm nice, actually.

[billiesimon]

I'm pretty fucked up 

[Forestluv]

42 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

I also have problems with never having had "crazy experiences", like threesomes and all that stuff. This pains me a lot because I unconsciously avoided all those paths in life to keep myself "clean".

I didn't start exploring these paths until I was in my 40s! There are LOTS of women in their 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s into this stuff. You will turn them on just being open to it. You could find a novice and explore together or a woman with more experience - some are into newbies. What you consider crazy or fucked up is fun playtime for others.

My favorite was role playing. One of my exes and I really got into the character development.  We had a list of characters and would spend all night playing out scenes. At times I lost myself in it. We would do it in public as well. One time we went to a bar separately. We decided to come as a new character and we had no idea who the other person would be. I could be whoever I wanted to be that night and so could she. I saw her in the bar and tried to pick her up that night. It felt sooo real and was sooo exciting.

 

[Spiral]

@billiesimon Come to think of it I don’t really have a word for a promiscuous guy (bachelor?). Player also has a similar meaning and so does womaniser.

It’s basically assumed in at least in northern Europe that if your not taken your would at least want some kind of sexual experiences regularly.

Edited September 20, 2018 by Spiral