Intimacy Issues And A Question About Physical Pain.

[NoOne]

I am married, and my wife and I are polyamorous.  We both date other people.  I have a girlfriend I have been seeing for about a year now and I love her; she's a lovely woman who has a physical disability (and plenty of emotional ones) but a big heart.  The thing is, she was there for me and we were kind of there for each other physically when times were hard.  We comforted each other with physical and emotional intimacy.  Well, last night was date night and I went to her home with no intentions but to be in the moment and maybe to try to talk to her about my new path.  She quickly became disinterested in my ideas and her egoic reaction was nothing short of frightening when I gently pressed the issue.  She got really, really mad, and then she tried to manipulate my emotions and make me feel bad so I would hold her and give her the physical comfort she wanted.  I ended up leaving her angry and sad and unfulfilled because I didn't want her to use me for self-validation.  Is it possible to have an intimate relationship with someone in this state?  I feel like I am being unfair to her after she was there for me, but my ego really doesn't want her to keep suffering.  Why does she have to suffer?

And I'm also curious about her physical disability.  I know that she experiences a great deal of pain (she needs a hip and knee replacement, but she is too heavy for the surgery and needs to lose weight first), but I also know that her pain has become part of her story too and is not helping her.  I'm curious if there is any truth to these ideas that are circulating among people with chronic pain that they only have so many "spoons" or whatever, that their disability means they have to plan everything that they do so as not to over-expend their energies.  Is this ego or truth?

[Ayla]

@NoOne

22 minutes ago, NoOne said:

I feel like I am being unfair to her after she was there for me, but my ego really doesn't want her to keep suffering.  Why does she have to suffer?

Her suffering has nothing to do with you. It has to do with the image she has of you. As you no longer correspond to that image, the relationship will deteriorate, or she will have to begin loving "new you".

24 minutes ago, NoOne said:

Is this ego or truth?

 You know the answer to that already... Look into the mirror of "self-validating" that she is holding for you.....

[NoOne]

Thank you for giving me so much to think about.  I know she is sick, but I didn't know if her pain was more real because it is physical and not emotional.  Are there any stories of physically damaged people discovering this truth?  I'd like to know how it affected the physical pain they live with.  Is physical pain just like emotional pain, like a warning that we're veering off course?  Maybe that's something I'm inferring incorrectly about pain.

[Ayla]

@NoOne

Physical pain is emotional pain manifested.