An idea of myself.

[seeking_brilliance]

Everything I do is a matter of expressing myself. Literally everything. And the more I express myself, the more I perpetuate this idea that there is a "Samuel" . But Samuel doesn't exist, because he was never born. He/it is an idea. And an idea never quite has a beginning, because it blends perfectly together with what came before it. The Idea of Samuel came about long before the body it mistakes itself for was conceived. The body in which it hitchhikes.  A body that was going to exist with or without Sam's presence. Yet Sam mistakes himself to be this body-this body which has no name. Even the body itself is an illusion, but it is closer to truth than Sam will ever be.  

His parents had already decided before they were even aware of it: what a son should be and act like and do. This they learned from their parents, who learned it from their parents. Therefore Samuel's parents are also ideas. Sam is an idea of an idea of an idea. And he's out of ideas.

But what is there without Sam? If he were stripped away? And why do I feel addicted to expressing myself as Sam? "I"  is a concept, and can't be true. So who/what is addicted to expressing Sam's identity? Is it self aware? Or merely a program running on autopilot? 

Edited September 16, 2018 by seeking_brilliance

[FrgttnDeer]

8 minutes ago, seeking_brilliance said:

And he's out of ideas.

So it begins...

[seeking_brilliance]

3 hours ago, FrgttnDeer said:

So it begins...

Can't stop the winter from coming, and can't beg it back in the scorching heat of summer. 

 

[Leo Gura]

@seeking_brilliance The devil has crossed your wires. What the devil calls winter is actually spring.

Spring is coming!

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, seeking_brilliance said:

Everything I do is a matter of expressing myself.

Or

”Everything I do, is expressing myself as matter”.

[seeking_brilliance]

30 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@seeking_brilliance The devil has crossed your wires. What the devil calls winter is actually spring.

Spring is coming!

30 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@seeking_brilliance

That sounds nice to the ear, but I don't know what to make of it.  What is the best way to see through this devil's influence? Ultimately he doesn't exist, like Sam. Knowing this should be enough to see through that Idea's ideas, but I often fall for its antics.  Or is that Sam falling for it and "I" still identify as Sam? What is there without Sam? Anything that qualifies as an "I"? 

[FrgttnDeer]

Good curiosity. Try to feel into the question instead of asking the questions on an intellectual level. Instead of reasoning "what is there without Sam", experience what is there without Sam.

All answers will come from inside. Others can only suggest where to look.

If you want you can try this technique. It helped me a lot:

 

Edited September 16, 2018 by FrgttnDeer

[LaraGreenbridge]

@seeking_brilliance ,

 

"Everything I do is expressing myself".

Yes! The same with me. Even having an interest in self-inquiry is an expression of who you are. There is really no escaping it.

If it happened to be true that we didn't exist, that we were never born, that nothing is real, then why would we be sitting here typing into our keyboards? We wouldn't be doing anything! 

As is happens, most of us had breakfast this morning. Why would we eat if we didn't really exist? We wouldn't eat, we wouldn't drink, we wouldn't sleep.... nothing. We wouldn't have any questions, either.

We wouldn't ask ourselves "who am I really?" because we wouldn't need to ask.

So on some level, we all do exist and we are somewhat confined to the body and the circumstances we were born into. 

I don't think it is an "addiction" to be who you are. It just is.

When something just is, then you kind of have to run with it. 

[seeking_brilliance]

13 minutes ago, FrgttnDeer said:

Good curiosity. Try to feel into the question instead of asking the questions on an intellectual level. Instead of reasoning "what is there without Sam", experience what is there without Sam.

All answers will come from inside. Others can only suggest where to look.

If you want you can try this technique. It helped me a lot:

 

Yes I agree.  I need to sit and strip away Sam and see what's left. There's no point to ask others to explain it.  

I've heard of this technique before but haven't tried it.  I will look more into it.  Thank you ?

[Leo Gura]

51 minutes ago, seeking_brilliance said:

That sounds nice to the ear, but I don't know what to make of it.  What is the best way to see through this devil's influence? Ultimately he doesn't exist, like Sam. Knowing this should be enough to see through that Idea's ideas

There is a very big difference between thinking you're a thought, and being aware that you are a thought.

You've gotten to the point where you understand no-self conceptually (which is good), but now the real work begins: grasping it ACTUALLY!

Knowing is NOT enough. Knowing must end and Being must replace it.

It is not enough to know that Sam isn't real, Sam must actually cease to exist. ACTUALLY!

Thinking and imagining stuff is NOT actual.

You must deeply realize that you were never born! Your birth is a conceptual story. What is ACTUAL if you stop assuming you were born as a human being? If we erase all your memories and all your thoughts, what is left?

This room? This body? This universe? -- NO! Those are all thoughts!

What is ACTUAL???

Press your awareness on what is ACTUAL, like sizzling bacon to a frying pan, and hold it there, wondering what actuality is.

P.S. Psychedelics help. A lot.

[FrgttnDeer]

@LaraGreenbridge

We definitely need to make a distinction between the conceptual self, which is entirely conceptual and so can't be said to point to anything real, and what you really are, which definitely does exist because you are it. 

Edited September 16, 2018 by FrgttnDeer

[FrgttnDeer]

@seeking_brilliance Please keep me up to date 

 

[LaraGreenbridge]

2 minutes ago, FrgttnDeer said:

@LaraGreenbridge

We definitely need to make a distinction between the conceptual self, which is just a concept, and what you really are, which definitely does exist because you are it. 

Yes, @FrgttnDeer,

its when the concepts and our reality merge together that people get confused. Sometimes, people start to not even like who they are....because they start to see existence as irrelevant. Or kind of "wrong".

it is not wrong to exist! It is not wrong to enjoy the sensory experience of living in the material world, enjoy friendships and the beauty of life. These is a spiritual component to all this... to all life, even the tricky and absurd things...

When people tie themselves in knots, trying to explain their existance.... all I see is suffering. It should not be like that. 

[Leo Gura]

1 minute ago, LaraGreenbridge said:

all I see is suffering. It should not be like that. 

That's ego talking.

It should be precisely how it is.

[seeking_brilliance]

5 minutes ago, LaraGreenbridge said:

@seeking_brilliance ,

 

"Everything I do is expressing myself".

Yes! The same with me. Even having an interest in self-inquiry is an expression of who you are. There is really no escaping it.

If it happened to be true that we didn't exist, that we were never born, that nothing is real, then why would we be sitting here typing into our keyboards? We wouldn't be doing anything! 

As is happens, most of us had breakfast this morning. Why would we eat if we didn't really exist? We wouldn't eat, we wouldn't drink, we wouldn't sleep.... nothing. We wouldn't have any questions, either.

We wouldn't ask ourselves "who am I really?" because we wouldn't need to ask.

So on some level, we all do exist and we are somewhat confined to the body and the circumstances we were born into. 

I don't think it is an "addiction" to be who you are. It just is.

When something just is, then you kind of have to run with it. 

Yes there must be something there, right? But it's not Sam because Sam is an idea. I am still seeking what is there without Sam. If I find it I will share what I can. ?

My addiction is not to being (or is it?). It is to expressing myself. As Sam... Not as Sam.... Doesn't matter. As long as there is self-expression, I exist. But I want to see if there is anything between expressions.  I need to be still and see what is. 

[FrgttnDeer]

5 minutes ago, seeking_brilliance said:

Yes there must be something there, right? But it's not Sam because Sam is an idea. I am still seeking what is there without Sam. If I find it I will share what I can. ?

The thing is, anything you will find is by definition not you. But don't let that stop you from looking. Maybe you'll find nothing 

8 minutes ago, seeking_brilliance said:

I need to be still and see what is. 

yes, now do it

[seeking_brilliance]

5 minutes ago, FrgttnDeer said:

The thing is, anything you will find is by definition not you. But don't let that stop you from looking. Maybe you'll find nothing  

I needed to hear that, thanks. 

 

7 minutes ago, FrgttnDeer said:

yes, now do it

Yep! 

[LaraGreenbridge]

24 minutes ago, seeking_brilliance said:

Yes there must be something there, right? But it's not Sam because Sam is an idea. I am still seeking what is there without Sam. If I find it I will share what I can. ?

My addiction is not to being (or is it?). It is to expressing myself. As Sam... Not as Sam.... Doesn't matter. As long as there is self-expression, I exist. But I want to see if there is anything between expressions.  I need to be still and see what is. 

Sam is both an idea and a person.... Sam is not only an idea. Sam is Sam.

while you are here, in the cosmos, expressing yourself as Sam, you will simply do just that. You will be Sam. 

Of course, you can change your name, if you like. You can be "Krishna" and wear peace beads and a white robe. No problem... You are free. It is wonderful to be free. You can do whatever you want. (In certain countries, anyway!)

Is there something beyond Sam? That 'exists' concurrently with Sam the person? I believe there is.

There is the spirit, the soul, universal consciousness, or whatever term you like. Again, you are free. Define it however you wish. Be creative. Don't take my word for it.

will you find this thing through self-inquiry?

Maybe. Or you might find it through art, nature, music, poetry, prayer, devotional service, or some other new thing that you discover along the way. Whatever you do, do it with good intentions for yourself and for all other beings.

if what you choose to do leads to suffering and makes you unhappy, you might want to reconsider that thing.

Just be aware of all things, all life. 

Be truly 'self-aware' in the best possible sense.

[seeking_brilliance]

14 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You must deeply realize that you were never born! Your birth is a conceptual story. What is ACTUAL if you stop assuming you were born as a human being? If we erase all your memories and all your thoughts, what is left?

This room? This body? This universe? -- NO! Those are all thoughts!

What is ACTUAL???

Press your awareness on what is ACTUAL, like sizzling bacon to a frying pan, and hold it there, wondering what actuality is.

P.S. Psychedelics help. A lot.

Thank you, that was very direct exactly where I needed it. I am still green with self inquiry and being still, but as I said to@FrgttnDeer I need to be still and see what is. Of course "seeing" in a visual context would be obsolete at that point.  

I absolutely need to have that deep realization. It will come. I will do the work. Thank you. 

14 hours ago, LaraGreenbridge said:

Sam is both an idea and a person.... Sam is not only an idea. Sam is Sam.

while you are here, in the cosmos, expressing yourself as Sam, you will simply do just that. You will be Sam. 

At this point in my search, I don't disagree with you.  One day perhaps, I'll look back and laugh at saying that. But I actually treasure and adore indiviuallity! I think it is one of the best miracles to come out of all of "this".  This Sam doesn't exist, yet he does. I believe the idea that has been named Sam has become self aware.  And is asking questions.

Now, the body is typing these questions and ideas on the keyboard, so that they end up on this forum for discussion. But as of right now, I don't know if it's this self aware Sam (self aware idea) who decided to do this, or if it only influences "my" thoughts.  And if I am not Sam, then who am I?  That's what I will be searching for in inquiry.  At the same time, I love the hell out of Sam, and thank him for being such a miracle. 

So perhaps saying that I'm addicted to self expression is not the right way to put it. It's more of an attachment, I guess.  But they say all attachments must be let go. 

Edited September 17, 2018 by seeking_brilliance

[LaraGreenbridge]

@seeking_brilliance

you wrote "I love the hell out of Sam and thank him for being such a miracle".

Good for you, Sam. Don't every give away your sense of identity. You are fine just as you are. Self-Enquiry is just an adjunct to a full and rewarding life, it is not a replacement for that life.

When people give up their identities completely, what is left is often psychosis, not freedom.