And Another Journey Begins Part 2

[tashawoodfall]

I've decided I want to start fresh onto a new journal since things have become very different for me - and my perspective has changed dramatically.

Upon waking this morning I immediately felt 'bad' feelings in my body and I knew it was due to the thoughts of uncertainty and worry I still inevitably possessed.  I closed my eyes with the intention to turn these negative thoughts into positive ones and to then feel better.  It felt as though I was learning to ride a bike.  At first, I'd only catch a few glimpses of good/peace and then finally, the good/peace grounded itself, stayed and I felt much better.  That was the first time I was able to intentionally do that and in that way.  Normally I would have to resort to other people or to positive audios or videos, resort to chasing pleasure to get a moment of feeling better or I would have to write down each limiting/negative belief and do the 7 step process to change it which still then didn't work nearly as well as this.  It felt very empowering to be able to do that by myself and in that way.  It was as if I knew and intentionally decided the way I wanted to think and feel.  It's more productive, useful and being down and negative is just the opposite.  

I don't want to go into what has been happening with me the past few months whatever you want to call it "Dark night of the soul", "Transitioning from stage Orange to stage Green" or "Ego-backlash", it doesn't matter anymore and engaging in thinking of what it was, why etc is no longer my focus.  I'm looking ahead now and with new lenses.  

I clearly see the situation I am in and the things that need to be handled and I'm good with that.  First I must find a job and as soon as possible.  It's all about being able to pay for my shelter and food.  It's not that challenging as I have a lot of opportunities.  I just need to be sure I can make money on time.  It's certain I can make money but the deadlines are what I need to be mindful of.  Resourcefulness comes into play here.  Perhaps I need to be creative.  This is all just short term.

I feel a great sense of relief that I no longer have chains weighing myself down about climbing ladders, status, winning and accomplishment.  Over these past months I had a brick hit me in the face basically and these things no longer interested me and so I have not been doing them well and therefore the money is not coming in.  I ended up letting go of a lot of opportunities these past few months.  I see these endeavours for what it is now and that gives me a great sense of relief.  

Like I said I have a lot of opportunities to make money still but these opportunities are not easy.  It's business development and marketing and so I don't think I want to continue doing these things long term.  Not because it's not easy, I'm very talented and there is a reason I get these opportunities, I've earned them through the years and through reputation, the thing is my soul, my mind and values no longer allow it.  

I will find something laid back and easy and fun but until then I must accept the situation I put myself in...or my Orange self has put myself in.  Right now I have 4 social media accounts/companies to do work for, still have that fine dining restaurant for group parties and the other opportunities, I let go of.  

I told my partner for my startuplv.org project that I am moving the launch date from Oct 1 to Nov 1st due to personal circumstances and he said he understands.  So that is off my back for at least a little while.  It's still something I want to complete, it has a good cause.

The most important thing to me is my life purpose project which I've only just mapped out.  Right now with my circumstances, my immediate priority, however, is making money to cover shelter and food and making it sustainable, easy and not something that sucks the life, energy and creativity out of me.  I know that everything will fall into place as it should.  I know I am on the right track.

That shift in mindset and priorities, what had set me into that deep depression has actually been a great blessing.  I can see it now.  I'm excited to see what is next and I am now keeping my eyes on the true prize.  

The rat race, societal norms and opinions that are not useful to me are no longer important to me.  I feel a sense of freedom and a lightheartedness to me.  I'm excited for what is next.  I can't wait to feel a sense of passion when I wake up every morning, love, bliss, fulfilment and excitement.

 

 

[tashawoodfall]

As she wakes up she realizes many deadlines are coming near.  There is a haunting feeling of stress throughout her body, her chest, her forehead, it’s become normal.  She tells herself it’s okay that she is skipping her morning routine.  She looks at her whiteboard to get her mind set to hit the numbers and goals laid out.  She jumps on her computer answers emails and gets to work building other people’s dreams.  The day turns to night.  She’s mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained.

 

She convinces herself that she is needed, that she is appreciated and that she is doing good for herself and her family.  Every now and then people notice her work ethic, her drive, her success and she gets a “good job” or “how is business coming along”. 

 

As she lays down to go to bed, thoughts come rushing in.  Thoughts of stress, of what needs to be done and when, of what the plan is for this and that and how she can be creative with this and that.  She has a glass of wine to relax.  She finally is able to clear her mind and fall asleep.  The alarm clock rings too early. 

 

This time however - as the alarm clock rings, she wakes up with an unexplainable feeling, she’s numb, she stares at the ceiling.  Her motivation is gone.  She starts questioning the meaning of life. What is the point?  Is this what life is?

 

Her daughter’s face pops into her mind.  Then she sees the truth she’s been working hard to ignore.  The babysitter spends more time with her, her daughter’s longing face for attention strikes her core.  Guilt kicks in.

 

Slowly but surely, she falls into a deep depression.  Everyone wonders what is going on with her, why she has isolated herself.  Why she no longer wants to leave her house, why she is different.  Her boyfriend leaves her, her friends take a few steps back.  

 

The days turn to nights and the weeks turn to months.  She finds herself crying in the shower,  praying for her motivation for life back, questioning herself.  Feeling like she has sold her soul.  The extreme pain of truth hits her core.

 

She finally wipes her tears and goes into her closet.  There she has a binder with her dreams, the purposeful goals in her life that she has abandoned.  She falls asleep crying and holding on to those dreams. 

 

When she wakes up, all the deadlines are pulling her at her feet.  The calls are coming in, the companies she works for are wondering why she has slowed down.  She drops the phone and goes to workout, to try to shake the stress off.  She does kenpo to feel better.  While showering she can’t pretend anymore, she breaks through to the truth again and it brings her to tears.

 

Then, something unexplainable strikes her.  A wondrous feeling of relief, of hope.  A light subtle wind, a whisper of love.  

 

In that moment she decides that she is letting it all go, everything, all that she has worked for.  Her body feels different, the chains have been taken off, she feels free. She wipes her white board clean, quits everything, put’s her dream board back up and takes a deep breath.  She faces the uncertainty, the new struggle, the fear, the radical adversity she may encounter and the possibility.  After thanking her experience for the wisdom she’s learned, she embarks on a completely new journey.

[Colin]

one little arrow to put into your quiver of wisdom: drinking alcohol interferes with sleep, even if one feels like they are asleep, the body is not reaching the essential restorative levels of sleep that one needs to thrive. THC, nicotine, and caffeine have the same effect. They can be used, just use caution when using them too close to bed.

Learning, beauty, health, weight loss, and everything good are affected by sleep. It is one of the single most important things in life.



and here is a song

 

[Colin]

This video can help strengthen your resolve when you are feeling doubtful.

Think of it like weightlifting for the mind, when you use it daily over a period of time you will notice tangible shifts in your thinking.

One of the beautiful things about it is that you don't have to rely on positive messages from other people when you have a resource like this.


I am the beauty I am becoming
 I am authentic
 I am enjoying the journey being me
 I am being true to myself
 I am talented and inspired through my creativity
 I am who I am
 I know myself well and I live an authentic life
 I love who I am
 I surround myself with others I enjoy being with.
 I am present for others
 I open myself to receiving others who love me for who I am
 Being myself, others embrace me, and this makes me more of who I am
 I live an authentic life
 I am worthy, it’s who I am
 I keep true to myself
 I am honest with who I am and what I love
 I feel at ease being me
 I surround myself with authentic people
 I share my opinions with ease
 I am safe with who I am
 I am happy to show my true colors
 I am perfect with my imperfections
 I am surrounded by precious gifts that life has to offer
 I gift my gifts for others to share
 I live my life unapologetically
 I choose to wear clothes that feel good for me
 I allow others to live their lives for who they are
 I am rewarded with abundance from the Universe, by being true to who I am
 Moment by moment, I remain true to my values
I let go of others with ease and grace, of those who no longer serve my authentic needs.

[tashawoodfall]

I love it thank you

[tashawoodfall]

Yesterday I had the balls to quit everything.  I then wrote up a fake resume, went to an open call for cocktail waitressing, got the job, did all the paperwork and today was my first day lol what a trip.  It was an interesting experience.  It seems like once I catch on to everything that it'll be pretty chill and easy.  It'll pay the bills, won't stress me out so much and will allow me to be able to get off the clock.  It's refreshing...for the first time in way too long once work is over...it's over!  There isn't a long list of to-dos constantly! what a relief! Now I have the energy and focus to work on my life purpose project  

Today is Tuesday which means it's my day to go hiking.  It's still a bit hot out so maybe I'll go in a few hours.  The best part is being alone on the top of the mountain, in silence.  It's the perfect meditation spot and it recharges me for the week.

[tashawoodfall]

I'm going to start documenting here my life purpose project journey.

Life Purpose Project:

SS = stands for the nonprofit

LX =the main source of funding for the nonprofit

FY =an umbrella entity

Today I will

• Organize my list of to-dos for this project from first to the last step.  Create deadlines besides each step.  Print out and post up on my board.
• Finalize SS Logo and have it in all the colours I need for different backgrounds on a transparent background.
• Finalize SS Color Scheme with hex #'s.  Ensure it's available on platforms needed
• Finalize SS Fonts for website/marketing. Find web safe go-tos

 

Edited September 21, 2018 by tashawoodfall

[Colin]

Here is another affirmation video focused on success ( I hope you succeed )
 

My subconscious receives positive affirmations with ease
 I am open to new ideas
 I am open to ideas that are good for me
 I empower my mind to act on positive messages
 I empower my mind to act on healthy messages
 I empower my mind to act on commands that are good for me
 My mind and body bond together and help each other
 My mind can do anything I want it to do
 My mind is healthy
 My body is healthy
 I reach all my goals
 I am always improving
 Every day I get better at what I do
 I am positive I am succeeding
 I am happy
 I am always successful
 I have confidence in what I want
 I have confidence in myself
 I trust my decisions I trust my feelings
 I sense who I can trust
 I can do any job well
 I succeed in anything I propose to
I always exceed people's expectations
 I am strong
 I have strong conviction in my beliefs
 I resolve my doubts easily
 I resolve my doubts quickly
 People tend to trust me
 I am a positive thinker
 I have a positive attitude
 I have optimism
 I am perfect as I am
 There is NOTHING I can't do!
 Happiness surrounds me
 I love and accept myself
 I trust my inner being to lead me in the right path
I do all I can every day to make a loving environment for all
 I am open and receptive to all the Universe has to offer me without limitations.
I accept myself for who I am without fear of rejection from others
 I respect myself
 I release all negative thoughts
 I focus on the positive in my life
I am an inspiration to all of those around me
 I believe in myself
 I am unique and authentic and everybody enjoys my company
 I deserve to have, to do and enjoy all I like
 The strength to make my life total is in me
 I am important
My life is important

[tashawoodfall]

Me too.  Gotta try my best to know!  Thank you

[tashawoodfall]

What's completed:

-Logo

-Branding Color Scheme & Fonts

-Website Visual Outline, Domain Name Purchased

Next:

-Program Syllabus

I'm on the third page of my non-profit's program's syllabus.  This is where the creating is happening.  This part of the journey I estimate will take another few days at least.  A lot of this work involves visualizing and brainstorming and I'm also facing a little resistance which I recognize and it doesn't bother me because I am very much 100% in.  

[Bouchra]

Good luck with your project !

[tashawoodfall]

Thank you

Update:

Ive completed the syllabus and the paper application form.  I’m also going to have an application form online on the website.

Next up is the Flyer.  I’m going to probably have this completed today.  I have a collection of stock photos ready and have even done some research last night and found interesting studies that prove the concept. I can pull some wording from these studies to help with the marketing “pitch”.

I have great friends and contacts within PR and they are very supportive of me following my dream and quitting my stressful job. So before I blow this out I need to be prepared for tv radio etc.

[tashawoodfall]

Side note: I’ve never felt happier and more free in my life. 

[tashawoodfall]

Completed the Flyer!

Now I need to do some research and take notes on it.  This will help with partnerships and content creation because the next big goal will be completing the website.

 

[tashawoodfall]

nervously about to go on a date 

[tashawoodfall]

Well that just happened.  We finally had sex last night.  He wants to go on a date again tonight and well I need a shot of tequila before this.  I'm nervous.  Dating scares me and this is escalating quickly.  

[Colin]

I was going to give you generic words of encouragement, but seeing as I don't know the details I'll just say, Be true to yourself!

[tashawoodfall]

Fuck! lol this is completely uncomfortable but yes I'm staying true to myself....I'll figure this out.  I'm going to hang out with my friends tonight and get my mind right.  

Detachment...

[Colin]

yeah I'm not really ready for relationships times at the moment, but this list is something that I aim for.



It might be too much to ask, so do what you gotta do, but be wary of getting tangled up with a narcissist. That will surely end in disaster.

[tashawoodfall]

I can't express how much I love that...it's spot on....

peace <3