Followed Leo's advice, landed in mental hospital. My internet addiction story.

[Martin123]

@Gryner Hello dear Gryner, I feel like youve been given some wonderful advice by fellow forum members. Especially Leos post was super sound!
I just wanted to chip in and say to treat yourself gently, with love, kindness and compassion :-) 
You have gone through something rather deep in a short period of time. I can feel into the energy of your post and I wanna assure you that there isnt anything fundamentally wrong with you, you have simply opened up the channel to your subconscious mind and stuff started coming out. Thats not too strange, but see it as an invitation to really take it slow and pace yourself. The more gentle you are with yourself, the easier it is for your ego to surrender to all the stuff that is rushing out of you changing your sense of identity. In other words, since your ego has no idea what to do and it needs some sort of attention, it will create some rather deep crises and cries for help, because your ego has a very child like mentality - a child that needs attention will scream and kick, bounce around and hit you really hard just to get your attention, because everything is better than being ignored. So make its job easier, and give it the attention right away.

I hope you have an easy and comfortable time transitioning into your academic year  I wish you good luck (Im a fellow student btw )   

[AlwaysBeNice]

I went nuts for a year or so after a deep shroom trip when I was 16, hospitalized and all, I'm 22 now, it just went away after starting a dedicated meditation/self-inquiry practice.

Honestly what's the problem? Yeah, reality is nuts. Fantasies are nuts, well they are just fantasies.

Waking up to that, combined with a socially conditioned, emotionally hurt/suppressed ego and living in an insane society, is definitely not easy, for sure.

But really, what's the problem? Why is not okay if you were hospitalized and went mad for bit?

Just like always the stubborn ego is the problem, and the belief/addiction to it, is the problem: 'This isn't suppose to be this way', 'I am not suppose to be this way', 'I should be normal, shouldn't have done this and that', bla bla bla, no one cares.

Yes, awakening will make you lose your mind, therefor take it slow so you can adapt to it and remain functional comfortable degree, but do continue, it will be the only thing to solve all your problems, which just is the drama itself, so stop caring about bullshit social conditioning/thoughts if you want peace.

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, p1xelmonk said:

to follow up on leo's comment, a relevant ted talk I just watched yesterday: 

 

Excellent video!

This is the solution.

@Gryner Do your research and try to find a mentor who has first-hand experience with these kinds of experiences.

You should read the Youtube comments under that TED talk psychosis video. They will give you some hope.

Going to a Holotropic Breathwork retreat might also be very useful for you.

[Leo Gura]

And to those reading this who might now be scared of doing Vipassana or meditation -- just remember that the things described in this thread are very rare. This is not a reason to avoid serious spiritual practice. Nor is this a condemnation of Vipassana.

You just have to know where to turn to if complications arise.

Whenever you're dealing large numbers of people -- tens of thousands -- rare complications will always arise. Even routine surgery and medications have like 1:100 or 1:1000 serious complications.

[MiracleMan]

There is such a stigma over 'mental health'.  I mean Jesus how do you explain 'this' to a psychotherapist and doctors who are totally entranced and asleep, a total unquestioning alliance to materialism and an objective reality which doesn't even exist, if you QUESTION that fact, address anything metaphysical with a professional doctor or psychotherapist and they are liable to question your sanity.  Why, OP, are we concerning ourselves with their opinions.

What they call psychosis, and what qualifies you as a 'looney', would apply to nearly all of our conversations here in this place according to western psychology, this entire civilization is built on archaic and erroneous Roman catholic and protestant Christian principles.

@Leo Gura Do you think your average psychotherapist or medical doctor/surgeon would accept your views on metaphysics?  What about your view on pyschedelics, nonduality?

What do they really think of meditation and spirituality I wonder?

Edit:  This experience also shows that guidance isnt a bad idea.  It's like a bottle under intense pressure, my God OP I really can relate to your experience.  Once its shaken lose a bit, it can have an explosive effect, the 'psychosis' is an important time of awakening for the shaman.  He must purge large amounts of psychic debris from his field.  It could be lifetimes of suppressed darkness, not allowed to rise to awareness, always being shoved back down.

And also, @Leo Gura this might be more common than you think, read SN Goenkas book about vipassana, there are parts in there about situations like these, and it commonly happens towards the end of the retreat, which is why they put so much emphasis on completion.  They claim it's very dangerous to leave in a bad mental state, you MUST go through it.

I really am not surprised by this and really seems to be business as usual.  Have you ever seen a faith healing or Christian mystics?  This isn't a huge deal, but like I said it's because of the STIGMA with mental health 'disorder'.

 

 

Edited September 16, 2018 by MiracleMan

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, MiracleMan said:

 

@Leo Gura Do you think your average psychotherapist or medical doctor/surgeon would accept your views on metaphysics?  What about your view on pyschedelics, nonduality?

Of course not! They would think I'm a dangerous nutcase who should be locked up for the public good.

People like me get burned at the stake for witchcraft.

I am a 21st century witch and you are my coven

First rule of witchcraft, don't talk about witchcraft to normies.

[now is forever]

@Gryner for the moment i wouldn’t experimenting with just any even slightly hallucinogenic drug at all. manipulation with substances should be given into an experienced hand. weed can be especially fatal for people with psychotic disposition.

anything you need now is more grounding (sattvic) work - you experiencing a melting of your phantasy world with your reality world, you just stepped through a door that links the both with each other.

if your phantasy world was linked to games mainly, you’re body feels like it is god because all it ever needed to experience this, was to hold a controller. there are other ways to experience god.

i would greatly recommend you to do something in nature with people - something more related to physical productive activity in a social therapeutic or shamanistic context. 

something like cooking, gardening, building something. you need to relink your phantasy body to your physical body and set some of your concepts right through direct experience of nature or the pure world.

it‘s basically as if you flew away without having a mechanism to bring you down to earth again.

Edited September 16, 2018 by now is forever

[Viking]

I feel like if I would quit the course at the 7th day i'd go psychotic also. what helped me stay is the understanding that quitting in the middle of the course would make it bad for me, so i feared quitting. i think its very crucial to stay until the end.

i also had pretty tough experiences during my retreat and i did ask the teacher about it and im so glad he gave the intonation its nothing special, i just persevered through it.

i think this was the teacher's fault for letting you out.

though i dont know what you experienced, maybe something much more serious than i did.

[Elisabeth]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Going to a Holotropic Breathwork retreat might also be very useful for you.

@Gryner I don't know about Poland, but there's a center in Czechia next to polish borders. https://holos.cz/en/ They do hospitalize people sometimes.

[sarapr]

12 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Of course not! They would think I'm a dangerous nutcase who should be locked up for the public good.

People like me get burned at the stake for witchcraft.

I am a 21st century witch and you are my coven

First rule of witchcraft, don't talk about witchcraft to normies.

Honestly, though, a lot of the experiences you describe when talking about nonduality and stuff are actually the same as some mental disorders that even have a name.

These spiritual experiences have always been there for thousands of years but are still considered mental disorders today, why ??? 

[Gryner]

Thank you everyone for replies. I will continue this thread and tell how everything will come out.

At the moment hearing about holotropic breathing makes me scared as well as hearing about meditation practise. I'm in the point where every single thing connected with meditation / enlightenment makes me scared. You need to really see how big and shocking experience that was for me.

@Nahm was probably right about trauma... in my psychosis trip between first and second day I thought that I died, my whole body was paralized probably due to fear and I felt like new born baby.

In hospital I was pushing my bed and I thought that I can pass through the wall, probably cause I remember that I recalled Leo's video about paranormal activites.

If I will be able I will make a reply for your messages guys in the coming days.

If you can give me any help with faster recovering I would be glad to hear about it.

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, sarapr said:

These spiritual experiences have always been there for thousands of years but are still considered mental disorders today, why ???

The devil must deny God, otherwise the light of God burns him to death.

[Joseph Maynor]

During my first Dark Night of the Soul I went pretty nutty.  This is when I first discovered that the Egoic self is an illusion.  My second Dark Night of the Soul was when I discovered that I'm all alone in reality.

Edited September 16, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[now is forever]

4 hours ago, Gryner said:

Thank you everyone for replies. I will continue this thread and tell how everything will come out.

At the moment hearing about holotropic breathing makes me scared as well as hearing about meditation practise. I'm in the point where every single thing connected with meditation / enlightenment makes me scared. You need to really see how big and shocking experience that was for me.

@Nahm was probably right about trauma... in my psychosis trip between first and second day I thought that I died, my whole body was paralized probably due to fear and I felt like new born baby.

In hospital I was pushing my bed and I thought that I can pass through the wall, probably cause I remember that I recalled Leo's video about paranormal activites.

If I will be able I will make a reply for your messages guys in the coming days.

If you can give me any help with faster recovering I would be glad to hear about it.

when i had my last spiritual experiences i went to a marma massage specialist, because i had the experience that it helped me to get rooted. the therapist told me the same - you need to come down, ground yourself. feel the earth. feel the limits, and then you can make sense out of it. and maybe start to explore again in a slightly slower speed.

i would recommend you something that makes you more aware of your physical body - maybe some art therapy or working on a farm or something that makes you reconnect to life in a productive way. feeling the body after you’ve worked in nature makes you understand your limits - and potentials.

Edited September 16, 2018 by now is forever

[Joseph Maynor]

40 minutes ago, Feel Good said:

Does this 'new' insight of yours mean that you are going to finally shut the fuck up? 

I hope and pray so! 

You lack the capacity to look inward yet you wanna correct everybody else.  It's called being a Spiritual Ego my friend.  It's an Egoic distraction away from doing your own authentic Personal Development Work.  

Edited September 16, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[now is forever]

@Feel Good hey - what about this aggression.

no hijacking here - this thread is far too serious.

Edited September 16, 2018 by now is forever

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Outer said:

Spiritual experiences are not considered mental disorders.

Depends on who's doing the considering.

Materialist Western doctors do just this, harming and misleading many people who turn to them, out of ignorance.

Blind leading the blind.

[Leo Gura]

@Outer Super common. Happens all the time. Read the story of Suzanne Segal.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suzanne_Segal

You just take it for granted that people have a crystal clear conceptual understanding of spirituality and enlightenment. That's cause I've spoiled you guys with videos explaining everything.

No ordinary person knows this shit. Not even close. Not even conceptually.

The typical spiritual practitioner could not describe what enlightenment is in one sentence if his life depended on it. Never mind knowledge of all the complications and traps that come with it.

[zunnyman]

@Leo Gura While we are talking about Suzanne Segal and dark knight, could you explain what she did wrong, or how others can prevent a hellish situation like hers. So far from reading her biography, it seems having a strong theoretical foundation is key. But why does she report no self, and absolute infinity as so hellish? Did she not surrender to it? Did she not know that she was supposed to surrender to it, fighting it, as she did not know what this force was? Or is it that its just a rare case scenario that happens to 1:1000 on this path or something like that that cant be avoided. The main thing I’d wanna know is what are some ways to prevent such hellish experiences like hers. 

[Leo Gura]

@zunnyman She did not have any proper theoretical foundation so she misinterpreted her awakening as something wrong.

Seems to me that she did this for so long and so severely that she ended up causing her own brain cancer.

If she had access to some of the videos on Actualized.org, she would have been fine I think. It took her many years to find some realized teachers to help straighten her out.

Consider yourselves lucky that you're alive in the age of Youtube and a flood of free nonduality videos. Where you can literally go to Google and find the answer to any question or problem you might ever have in life. People take this ability so for granted.

In a world full of insane people, when you become sane, but have no one to talk to about it, you might find yourself thinking you've gone insane.