Starting a self-actualization peer support group

[Elisabeth]

So, I actually do have friends who care about self-actualization.  They come upon this from very different directions, mostly trying to solve their psychological problems. With one of them I've been discussing Leo's videos on an ongoing basis (but on a very intellectual level), another started meditating a few weeks ago and experiences all kinds of weird effects on his life, my boyfriend has been doing bufo ceremonies recently, one is starting her practice as a yoga teacher, and yet another friend of mine is an unstoppable bundle of creativity and (absolutely unstructured) spiritual experiences, I myself am trying to get and keep my meditation habit going and contemplating life purpose.

I do feel a demand for company and mutual support on the journey, so I've decided to set up a facebook group called "personal development meetups" and invited all the people in and I'd like to have those who are interested to meet once or twice a month and share their advances and setbacks, support each other, and just exchange experience to gain perspective. I'd also like to try/practice leading group meditation exercises, teaching the little i know to see if I enjoy that. I don't see myself as leader of the group as I'm certainly not the 'most advanced', nor in any other way an authority, but I've put myself into the position of the organizer, so I feel some responsibility for the structure and I want the project to fly. I want this to be enjoyable and useful.

Since the people mostly don't know each other (though there is a core to the group), and certainly have very different personal goals, the group dynamics may be a bit difficult. And, I've never organized a regular meet-up group.

Any tips from people who are experienced in leading others on how to facilitate an environment that's creative but cohesive and helpful? Any common do's and dont's?

Edited September 14, 2018 by Elisabeth

[Elisabeth]

I want to report back on this lost thread  that: It's working! Yai! Quite amazingly!

We've had about six evening meetups so far, and they are interesting and diverse. I've introduced people to basic pranayama and the 'do nothing' meditation, someone else has introduced vipassana, we've had systemic constellations exercises (by a friend who's taking a training), we had an experienced lady as a guest talking about her journey, we have contemplated death, we've shared personal stuff and there's trust in the group. Really cool. 

The things I think we're doing right: meeting regularly and having some structure to the meetings (I keep track of that), having more people with different PD paths who can lead a bit of the program, keeping it rather fun (going at the pace of the slowest person with the exercises while sharing more advanced experience), encouraging sharing by sharing food ;), having a facebook group for the links and events, and mostly just being supportive and caring about each other

The things that didn't quite work out: We are not as diverse a group as I hoped we would be, as some people didn't show up at all, and it seems it's mostly my male friends who resonate and come regularly. So it's usually like 6:2 in favour or guys :D, and a bit of the intuitive side is missing.

All in all, I would love to encourage everyone who feels the potential around them to start such a project  

[ajasatya]

@Elisabeth thanks for reporting! i am happy that it is working. i don't have much to add because i've never done something like this.

keep it up!

why don't you journal those meetings? i think it would be more useful for the forum members (me included)

[Elisabeth]

44 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

@Elisabeth thanks for reporting! i am happy that it is working. i don't have much to add because i've never done something like this.

keep it up!

why don't you journal those meetings? i think it would be more useful for the forum members (me included)

Thanks

I won't journal individual meetings, because 1) I don't think it would be very useful, and 2) there are privacy concerns because I'm writing about other people, so this is about the level of detail I'm willing to go in. Most of the depth is nonverbal experience anyway, it's not very transferable. How would it be useful to you? 

[ajasatya]

1 hour ago, Elisabeth said:

How would it be useful to you?

documented experience about how to manage self-actualization meetings

[Elisabeth]

One of my friends sais he's had an enlightenment experience. Now that's inspiring. I don't think our group meetings have contributed (we're nowhere near), but it's so fascinating to hear about peoples' journeys. 

On 26. 12. 2018 at 4:39 PM, ajasatya said:

documented experience about how to manage self-actualization meetings

What we do is meet (as regularly as possible) every two weeks for a whole evening (19-23). I find it important to start with a practice that helps everyone disengage from the struggles of the day, so we do a short 15-30min exercise of pranayama, meditation, movement or whatever else, the goal is really just to get all these academics and programmers out of their heads into the body. I usually ask how everyone is after the exercise, especially if it's a new one. Then, people are hungry so we have some food.

We usually do a round of sharing about our personal lives, people's advances in personal development and the problems they face, or whatever they want to share with the group. If discussing is allowed (i.e. on his time, a person can take feedback and answer more questions from other members of the group), it can be very illuminating, but will likely take the whole evening. If there's no moderator, discussions can grow out of hand trying to "figure out" one situation for an hour. However, one or two experiences like that and people understand it's undesirable. A short version of the sharing round is with a "talking stick", only the person who has the talking stick speaks (or remains silent enjoying the moment, if he wishes), the only reaction to what was shared is a "thank you" when the stick is passed on. A medium way to do it is with one person moderating the discussion or being the only one to ask questions. The advantage of having a moderator is that, he can encourage people to look at how they feel about stuff they are sharing, or help them get to the main point, if necessary - but it's not an easy role and makes the circle less egalitarian. The parameters of the circle have to be given in the beginning, it's very hard to influence how it's going halfway through.

It's important that the atmosphere of the circle is friendly, welcoming, accepting of differences. People severely miss a place to share and connect from the heart in their daily lives. (Or is it because I chose somewhat lonely people for the group in the first place? I don't know.) It works for us - I'm not sure what to do if it doesn't work in some group. I think setting and communicating the intention to share without judging is important. 

When there's an idea, less attention is given to talking, and there's another exercise(s), small or big. 

Not everyone comes to every meeting, which is ok. But it's much better if people want to come at least semi-regularly. After 10 meetups, increasingly personal topics are discussed, and the group can do slightly more advanced stuff. This means, incorporating someone new becomes more difficult.

I'm times and again amazed, how well the group receives new stuff. I thought at first inexperienced people might be weirded out by yoga exercises, free dance, constellations, rituals. Turns out everyone joins in just fine. We're going slowly though. Last time, we tried Osho's shaking meditation (my bf is leading this one, I don't have the experience) for half the time it's supposed to take, just because we were not sure what effect it would have on everyone. We're going for the full-length next time. 

What I'm a little unsure about is the interpersonal relationships bit. I'm aware that therapeutic groups usually don't include partners, are time-limited, etc., and this setting is there for a reason. I'm aware though that not everyone necessarily likes everyone & on the contrary, I'm not looking forward to any possible love affairs :). But so far ... to me it feels like my friendships are growing strong and we're getting the best out of it.

As people learned "how it works" and also as there are multiple strong personalities, I feel less and less like a leader of the group. I'm learning to accept directions I didn't quite envision

I hope we can also make an afternoon event soon so that @bejapuskas can come and see us too  How's your scout group going?  

Edited March 15, 2019 by Elisabeth

[ajasatya]

@Elisabeth amazing report, thank you!