Please help, my progress is painfully slow

[luckieluuke]

Sorry for this wall of text but it would mean alot to me if you read it. I cannot convey my situation in a simpler way than this.

In short: Meditation have such a small effect on me im not sure there even is an effect, my spiritual life is so uneventful! - why is this and what should i do?

 

My history with spiritual practice:
Ive meditated a little/experimented the past 5 - 10 years
The past year ive meditated 5 days a week, 20-50 min
First i practiced chakra meditation (feeling energy flow through chakras), then moved onto som "tibetian buddhism" (watching the mind) and now went on a Vipassana retreat and done that the last year.
Ive done a few psychedelic trips for spiritual growth.
Ive read a few books and listened to lectures.
Eat healthy and exercise regulty

I´ve never had a small awakening experience or strong glimpse of non duality except on psychedelics.
I hear people on this forum and elsewhere talk about experienceing the dark night or directly experienceing non duality, blizz or hearing voices etc. I´ve had nothing like that. "Just" small vibrations or warmth and some feeling of energy.

For a long time i´ve tried maintaining a equanimous mind. Not seeking or rejecting any experience. My path is mine and i should not compare it to others. But to be honest I am doubting if im doing it right or if there is anything to meditation at all. It´s not like the worlds most contributing humans (writers, inventors, musicians or simply great people, great parents) are enlightened or even have a meditation practice. The mind/ego is great at justifying ones action in retroperspective. I know I do, I tell myself meditation is great because it´s now grown to be a part of my identity...which im trying to see is seperate from "me" and me doesnt exist. And im very open to this possebility...i just havenet had any experience that points to it.
Even at my Vipassana retreat where I followed the schedule 90% meditating 10 hours for 10 days straight I didn´t get any noteworthy experience. Sure i became alot more aware of my body. Like when i drank coffe one day it felt like taking speed. But nothing non dual, nothing to hint that I don´t exist, that reality is infinite etc

But it did make me more concsious. It did enable me to take life more "lightly" and at the same time make more out of it. It changed so many things in me but in such a subtle way that im not able to pinpoint one of them. And that´s mostly why I keep meditating, because it feels like it has an overall posetive impact on my life. And it does still hint at something beyond logic thinking, but its just a vauge hint.
Also after a good meditation I feel great and it can be exciting. And sometimes boring and pointless.

Overall in my life I have ups and downs. I have energy sometimes and tired sometimes....could this be an effect of meditation? I am what psychologist would label slightly bipolar and have a light ADD (i function ok in society). I tell myself meditation helps but im not sure to be honest. Again the effect of meditation on me is so subtle if it even existst.

I have lived a very "happy" life here in secure Sweden with loving family and great friends. Many say meditation makes you deal with your shit on a uncounscious level. Maybe I simply don´t have alot of shit to deal with? I mean i have some shitty experiences....Like when my friend commited suicide or most women treats me badly and left me. But i´ve always had loving people around me to ease the pain. And if it would be the case that I don´t have alot of shit then would´t that make me progress faster? Maybe i have alot of shit im just in such a denial about it even unconsously, maybe its even deeper and more sublte than most other people because i really do think I have had a nice life.

Im not sure what to do at this point Or maybe this frustration with lack of "progress" is the proof of progress? i just dont know. Maybe I should quit all practice for some months and see what happens. Or do the opposite. Maybe a heroic dose of pshycedelics. Maybe i am blessed with so little bad stuff happening to me? Maybe I should try another practice. But part of me believes it´s more important to pick one and stick with it, get deeper experience with one rather then a shallow experiences with lots of different practices.

If you read this far or even partly, bless you Im open to hear any ideas!

 

[Leo Gura]

Meditation requires hardcore practice to get serious results. Most people who meditate will never get nondual states because that usually requires industrial-grade levels of meditation. It's very easy to waste years meditating ineffectively, doing weak versions of meditation.

Also, not all people have the same level of spiritual atunement. For some people meditation is easy and they don't need a lot of it to get big results. But this is not most people.

Psychedelics are far more effective for nondual insights and states. So yeah, doing some higher dose trips will definitely get you a taste of what you're after.

But as far as your daily practice I'd say, either upgrade your technique to something more stringent, or switch to Kriya Yoga. I find Kriya far more effective than meditation.

To get serious results from meditation usually requires doing hardcore week-long retreats and 1000s of hours of meditation.

I'm one of those people for whom meditation is not that effective. For meditation to be effective you must develop laser-focused one-pointed concentration. Watch my video: Meditation vs Concentration.

I've met people who have done 20 years of Vipasanna but still don't know what enlightenment is. This is actually the norm.

Infinity is a very radical state of consciousness. Very few human beings are capable of it without serious practice or outside means like psychedelics.

If you want to experience the highest levels of human consciousness, schedule a 5-MeO retreat. It will be worth the hassle and it will motivate you to meditate more.

[luckieluuke]

@Leo Gura Thanks so much, I feel more motivated now. Heroic dose and kriya yoga here I come!

[Leo Gura]

@luckieluuke You don't need very high doses. Moderate doses are ideal. Just do them mindfully.

[Leo Gura]

You might also want to take a stab at self-inquiry. It has a very different feel than meditation. Meditation without serious self-inquiry tends to not produce enlightenment. It is important that you start to deconstruct the self and reality. The upside of this is that it has positive effects long before enlightenment happens. You can get a lot of value from just deconstructing everything you know. Pick a thing and deconstruct it. Deconstruction dovetails very nicely with psychedelics too.

If you are really serious about spiritual growth, you can get a ton of it very quickly by combining contemplation, deconstruction, and a psychedelic trip once very two weeks for 1 year. With this formula you will grow more in 1 year than you have in the last 10 years combined.

My deepest and fastest growth has come from this approach. In fact, it's too effective. I've had to back off on it because the mind can only integrate so much so fast.

[luckieluuke]

Ive thought about that and reading you say it it makes perfect sense to practice self-inquiry in order to get non dual self experiences! Again thanks alot for your help Leo! And thank´s for your contribution on behalf of me and humankind

[Charlotte]

Sorry hijack the thread, @Leo Gura can I use kriya yoga if I have low back pain? I saw some postures which require jolting like movement from the waist that didn't look go for the back AT ALL 

[luckieluuke]

@Mikael89 Actually that might also be your streangth. To be honest im not ready to give up my Ego. Even if I consciously want to do it "I´m" still to attached to it. If you have no life then maybe it will make it easier for you to surrender - If you have nothing to loose you have everything to gain.

@Spacious Thanks for you honest story. It´s nice to hear!

@Artaemis wow that´s a tough start to life. Hope you´re doing better. It always amazes me when people have a shitty start and then turn it around, breaking all ideas that we simply are a result of genes and society. But yea I think i´ll go with Leos aproach

[Hello from Russia]

@Mikael89 Reground yourself, go do some pickup or things like that, it's refreshing and can actually be benefitial for spiritual journey

[Hello from Russia]

29 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

Um no.

Do you contemplate?

[Nahm]

@luckieluuke

Consider (in addition to what’s already been said here) looking at your life, for a minute, rather than the spiritual path, in this manor:

 

Blessed is he with heart attack, he must listen.

Blessed is he with OCD, thinking is intolerable, he must listen.

Blessed is he who holds anger, the sensation is unbearable, he must listen.

Lost is he without catalyst, without adversity, without sufficient challenge; he knows not about listening, he does not know his own sensations speak truth, he remains unaware of the whisper. 

 

 

[luckieluuke]

@Nahm Thats exactly it! What i meant when I said that since meditation can make negative unconscious things surface and I have had a great life. Ive never had super many friends but always enough. Ive never had lots of money but always enough. I never had lots of girls but always enough etc etc. It sounds so stupid and I feel a bit ashamed to say it but taking your words, its like im not "blessed" with any pain to figure out. I can only hear a whisper!

[Shroomdoctor]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I'm one of those people for whom meditation is not that effective. For meditation to be effective you must develop laser-focused one-pointed concentration. Watch my video: Meditation vs Concentration.

You once said meditation was the most important self actualization technique. Do you still think that way given your experiences ?

[Nahm]

 

Become the whisper. Accept all sensation. No turning away, no avoiding; do not overt the eye.

Blessed is he in balance, he is the whisper, he can help others discover the whisper. But that is an impossible challenge. Insurmountable adversity. Impossible. Only a fool would accept such an intolerable path. 

[luckieluuke]

@Nahm

[Nahm]

@luckieluuke ❤️??

 

[Forestluv]

11 hours ago, Mikael89 said:

Where the fuck is that ego death thing whch everyone is talking about? Please give it to me ?

I seriously feel like a 75 year old or something. (Except that 75 year olds are lucky to die soon.) I have no ambitions in life at all, nothing to look forward to, no energy to do anything. I just want to die. My life is fucking over, it ended about 4 years ago, I'm 29 now.

IME, ego death experiences have not brought ambition, purpose, energy or stuff to look forward to. Nonduality doesn’t care about that stuff at all. It doesn’t care about “me” at all. Ego death dissolves the self. It doesn’t empower it. 

If I was looking for ambition and purpose, I would do a workshop or course. I’d work on personal development, values, goal setting etc.

 

[Hello from Russia]

@Mikael89  Why don't you just go and become a monk? If you don't care about "normal life" that much

Edited September 15, 2018 by Hello from Russia