Relationship Aloof

[beatlemantis]

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year, we’ve been living together for about 4 months now, and I’m feeling some conflicting things for him.. 

We experiment sexually with girls together and 2 weekends ago we had a three-way with a girl we’ve known for a while. Part of the reason why I became unhappy half-way through with this was because of my own insecurities, but those amplified when he paid way more attention to her than me. At times I was just sitting watching because they went at it together. (To be explicit) He kissed her like he kissed me, and he went down on her way more passionately than he did with me. The whole night just felt off and I felt forgotten. I am objectively more attractive than the girl we spent the night with, but I feel that played no part. 

Afterwards, she left, and he notified something was wrong. I burst into tears, and he ended up doing the same because he didn’t realize what he was doing. We agreed on taking a break on three-ways again, and he was down the rest of the week and couldn’t get aroused a couple days after. 

I go to college (he’s graduated), and all he does is point out other girls or make jokes about bringing them home for three-ways. He also makes jokes about a guy I fooled around with a couple nights before ever meeting him constantly. He says it still bothers him and a part of him wishes we never met because of it. 

These are all the negatives...he is a sweetheart and I care for him deeply - it’s just, I can’t help but having a hard time feeling the same way I did before about him. And the fact that the guy I had a one-night thing with still bothers him after a year worries me deeply. 

Sex doesn’t feel the same with him, I just feel wrung up and undesirable. I know sexuality is open in biology and moreso with men, but I can’t help but acknowledge that I don’t feel enough sometimes. 

Is this all in my head? I feel I can use this as an opportunity to improve my self-esteem and sexuality (which I am open with, it’s just our last experience just revealed some truth about him for me). Please let me know some thoughts.. questions.. I’d really appreciate it. 

Edited September 12, 2018 by beatlemantis
Grammar

[ajasatya]

@beatlemantis i think you're in the wrong kind of relationship.

as far as i can see, you wish to build a deeper relationship. you want to connect with someone else in the emotional level as well. but the guy is focused on getting laid with different women to explore his sexuality.

ask yourself what you really want. what's your deepest desire when it comes down to living with a man and sharing intimacy?

don't force your desire on your current partner because everyone is an unique human being. he's probably living his dream relationship and being sincere to his heart. but you seem to be the one who got yourself in trouble.

Edited September 12, 2018 by ajasatya

[bejapuskas]

@beatlemantis  Him being more passionate with other girls is not that surprising. I dont mean this like an insult, but its basically an evolutionary issue. Our psychologies are beyond our bodies and our bodies „think“ we are in the nature, building tribes and being alpha leaders. (talking about men) In every body, there is a selfish gene, which wants to be spread (reproduced) really badly and in as much quantity as it can. Basically, ego is built around the selfish gene. Therefore, if you are an animal, like human, you have the instinct to reproduce as much as possible, if it doesnt threaten his atractiveness or family. (which will kill of the other selfish genes) Theres a whole book named The Selfish Gene, I recommend you read it. It also explains why brothers and sisters care for each other (because, they have 50% selfish genes from each other) and why grandmas are so caring (because they cannot reproduce anymore most of the time, so they just want their genes to survive) and many more... Hope tis helps you understand your reationship. You staying with your boyfriend might be a fear of him not reproducing your genes as well...

[Shodan]

2 hours ago, beatlemantis said:

aduated), and all he does is point out other girls or make jokes about bringing them home for three-ways. He also makes jokes about a guy I fooled around with a couple nights before ever meeting him constantly. He says it still bothers him and a part of him wishes we never met because of it. 

These are all the negatives...he is a sweetheart and I care for him deeply - it’s just, I can’t help but having a hard time feeling the same way I did before about him. And the fact that the guy I had a one-night thing with still bothers him after a year worries me deeply. 

Sex doesn’t feel the same with him, I just feel wrung up and undesirable. I know sexuality is open in biology and moreso with men, but I can’t help but acknowledge that I don’t feel enough sometimes. . 

This is what happens when you can't keep your passions at bay. You have to come to terms that not everyone is satisfied attached to single person, although polygamy is highly unnatural concept that is definitely degrading to woman. What have you expected to happen after such practice in the first place?

[aurum]

@beatlemantis

Yeah your boyfriend unfortunately ignored / is unaware of the golden rule of threesomes. You have to let your main girl know she is more important.

He also sounds like he has some jealousy about the other guy. Could be that he thinks you’re the best he can do, so he doesn’t want to lose you.