When the red pill kicks in

[tashawoodfall]

I took the red pill but part of me wants to go back.  Ignorance was bliss.

I feel like I woke up today haunted by the fact that almost everyone is zombie-like...living in this stupid society chasing stimulation.  I feel empty not being able to "connect" with people on a deeper level anymore.  To the point of my chest hurting...I feel alone.  The "good" in others...how I used to see people in the world..it's shattered..I see zombies and it makes me emotional on a deep level.  

I'm having a hard time finding meaning in "normal" things.  I feel like an outsider.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I feel lost.

This is painful.  I have a hard time working when I know how meaningless the work I'm doing is.  I have to do it to pay for my bills but I feel like a prisoner.  

Spiritual guidance tells me to let go..follow my heart and everything will work out.  For a second I believe it and then I see how it'll lead me to homelessness and give me more problems.  I can't just go live in a cabin for a few years..and survive...

The life purpose I came up with.  It was exciting at first and now is not.  I have to work hard to inspire myself with it and I have not.

I have to try to enjoy this journey.  What else is there to do?  

[fabriciom]

Do not view your job as a means to an end. Keep all your focus on the task at hand. It will become joyful again.

I passed through something similar.

What helped me was to take some time off, change jobs and focus more on finding the truth inside.

[bejapuskas]

@tashawoodfall I felt exactly the same for some time, it really feels like shit. But then Sadhguru said, that we are creating all suffering and I am not sad anymore...

[tashawoodfall]

This really helps

@fabriciom I'm in the middle of changing jobs..instead of working tirelessly doing sales, business development and marketing... I decided I am downgrading to do something less stressful like being a food server and of course my ego is taking a huge hit and my friends/social life...  But the big picture...I had success in my life and I should be using my creative energy on my life purpose project...the stress of my current job has been holding me back.  I will focus more on finding the truth inside.. Thank you.

 @bejapuskas Yes thank you I know I'm creating this suffering...probably from attachments and unconscious beliefs that are not serving me.  I'll work on letting it go...

[tashawoodfall]

@Feel Good for the last hour I have been reading and watching videos about the "Dark night of the soul".  It helps to know it's a "normal" stage.  

I also joined fb groups (related to spirituality, etc) to start to get a sense of community while I transition from my old friends that I can't relate to anymore to new ones.  I isolated myself completely (which wasn't easy to do) because I am tired of the bullshit I was dealing with.  Mindless people talking about stupid or superficial things, permanently in the rat race, etc

 

20 minutes ago, Feel Good said:

and have suffered immensely in my pursuit of trying to make my world a "better" place (according to feel good). 

I can relate.  Exactly.  It seems I've come to a point of ignoring this pursuit for the first time.  Slowly surrendering..

20 minutes ago, Feel Good said:

Recently I discovered that judgement is what creates the dark night of the soul. And unawarenss of this judgement and the lies I have been told that I would be able to be completely happy and be loved for who I am and love someone else for who they are. It's not quite like that if you centre your whole life on love. It only leads to disappointment in the end, but that in and of itself is a growth process toward real love for all that is. 

I have to read this a few times.  Something about this...

Edited September 12, 2018 by tashawoodfall

[Michael569]

2 hours ago, tashawoodfall said:

I'm having a hard time finding meaning in "normal" things.  I feel like an outsider.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I feel lost.

This is painful.  I have a hard time working when I know how meaningless the work I'm doing is.  I have to do it to pay for my bills but I feel like a prisoner.

yeah, many of us could relate to this. But know that it doesn't have to be like that forever. Accept where you are now and do so by using up all your available time to transition to something else. Do a weekend school, use mornings and evenings and your lunch breaks, do an online study, read ....whatever it takes. You need to start building up your skills to do the thing you really want to do. 

If you haven't already,  create a vision board and post it to multiple places around your house, make sure that it is a powerful one to give you goosebumps every time you look at it. 

There is not much you can do about being in your current situation besides getting into another, similar one but by spending time working on your real dream carrier, you will receive a boost of positive energy and much better hope for your future self. 

Useful next steps for you in summary:

• Break down your daily schedule into 20 minute blocks and see how much are you able to dedicate to self education. Remove as many "wasted blocks" as possible and replace them with productive ones. 
• Identify 3 things this year that you will start doing that will move you forward and do these in your dedicated blocks of time (see above)
• Create a powerful vision board (you probably have one from the LP course) and stick it everywhere, put a small copy in your purse as well. 
• start doing a 5 min daily visualisation practice of your future self that has escaped this life and lives her dream career
• Read at least 2 books a month. 
• exercise regularly - this will be especially helpful when you depressed. 10 minutes of rope skipping or 20 minutes of jogging will work wonders to your mood. 

 

Edited September 12, 2018 by Michael569

[PsiloPutty]

I know just what you mean about people being zombies. Try to appreciate the enchantment and wonder of this dream that you've found yourself in. Life can seem pointless, but that's because we don't know what it's all about. Live each day being kind and humble. The rest will work itself out.  

[Leo Gura]

@tashawoodfall Don't worry, it will pass. That's just the ego acting up like a pouting child that didn't get her ice cream sandwich.

[Capital]

Life is ultimately meaningless , that's an objective fact , life is like a dream without a purpose , but only being aware of that doesn't lead to a good life , it simply leads to laziness and depression , what should be also realized to live a GOOD life is that humans can CONSTRUCT meaning even tho life is meaningless , and it depends , every human has his own set of values and things that he finds more meaningful than others , when a human prioritize his values and extract responsibilities out of them , and he lives everyday according to those values and responsibilities in a way that doesn't create anxiety but creates flow , and he is not attached to those values and responsibilities that he constructed simply because he is aware that ultimately there is nothing objectively valuable , he feels a sense of joy and meaning in a life that has no meaning at all !

Edited September 12, 2018 by Capital

[Leo Gura]

22 minutes ago, Feel Good said:

A whole level of development dismissed in one sentence.

Dismissed?

What you talking about?

I was conveying a sense of hope and comfort. Depression is an ego backlash reaction to learning profound truths about life.

When I first learned about enlightenment, I was depressed for about a week. Then it I got over it and everything was fine again. It's just the ego being a drama queen.

[Capital]

6 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Dismissed?

What you talking about?

I was conveying a sense of hope and comfort. Depression is an ego backlash reaction to learning profound truths about life.

When I first learned about enlightenment, I was depressed for about a week. Then it I got over it and everything was fine again. It's just the ego being a drama queen.

Very true ! every time I learn something profound about existence , I'm off for a mount , lol !    

[tashawoodfall]

7 hours ago, Feel Good said:

You can find it in spiral dynamics map as the green stage.

@Feel Good I'm not so sure...I've read about this Green stage and don't feel any sort of connection or path in that direction.  I mean I used to listen to my horoscope every day, collect crystals and get lost in tarot cards, astrology, psychics and have no desire to go back to all that.  One of my top values used to be "Positive Impact".  It was my third highest value and that value shattered recently.  I genuinely don't care very much about making a positive impact...it's not like it matters in the grand scope of everything and it's no longer that interesting to me...I just don't feel like I'm moving into what's described as Green stage.  

7 hours ago, Feel Good said:

This is the stage of "oh if everybody could just be like us the the world would be a perfect playground with no suffering"

 

I don't feel that way.  Maybe i'm not moving between stages and just going through a period.  I'm not sure.  

 

I just feel a deep desire to let go of all these attachments and the bullshit.  If I could move to Alaska, dog sit for money and not own a phone..I would.  I just want to let go in a sense..of everything.  This to me right now means to stop doing the job i'm doing for money and to stop upholding the social status that comes with it.  It means I don't want to waste my time bullshitting with what I called zombies because it doesn't bring me value anymore.  For the past couple of weeks I've been finding myself oddly just laying down and meditating for 2 hours at a time which never happens.  I'm resonating now with different personal development coaches....no shade   but I can no longer sit through Leo's videos because it's a bunch of information and concepts I don't feel a need or a desire for.  A bunch of mental masturbation..I don't want it.  I'm seeing through a lot of stimulation tools I've used...

8 hours ago, Feel Good said:

It breaks my heart to have to tell you to go an seek and try to get humanity to adjust to your way while knowing that it's all another pointless pursuit - just as pointless as blue and orange pursuits. 

I feel the pursuits I am now starting to go for...is more selfish then it was before.  I don't think I'm jumping stages just having a dark night of the soul type of situation I can't seem to stop anyway.

 

8 hours ago, Feel Good said:

If you bypass this stage there is a danger you can make it your shadow. So dive in, stage development is happening anyway for you, so the wise thing to do is interpret it correctly, get all your values aligned as you grow more out of orange. Make sure your lines of development are even (cognitive, emotional, self, social, political and spiritual). Embrace the community of green spirituality and the prime directive of green - equality, fairness, justice, compassion and service.

1

hmm   

 

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Depression is an ego backlash reaction to learning profound truths about life.

  I think you're right.

 

2 hours ago, Capital said:

Very true ! every time I learn something profound about existence , I'm off for a mount , lol !    

[Joseph Maynor]

You’re doing good!  Keep up the good work.  Enlightenment a.k.a Truth-seeking is 100% B.S. detector work.

Edited September 13, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[Forestluv]

@tashawoodfall To me, what you’ve wrote seems like an awakening process. I’ve had similiar experiences. I went through a stage where it seemed like everyone around me was sleepwalking through some game. Like they were robots acting out their conditioning and programming. At times, I’ve had a hard time interacting with others.

[tashawoodfall]

@Serotoninluv I just wrote to a friend about how I feel like everyone is zombies with programming that runs "likes, food, oh no, yay it's shiny" ...I came across an article that recommended letting go here...accepting and not judging what stage someone is at because it's on their time and well neither is better or worse than the other....  That helped relieve the symptoms.

It felt sort of like a panic attack where I spawned into this matrix and saw a bunch of perceived wrongs..thought about how the system we have going on is failing and dehumanizing.  Now that we are forced to be slaves for money and exposed to bad programming from school, society, media etc.  It just sort of gave me a panic attack amongst other undeniable truths about myself, my life and the world as a whole.

Good news is that after a long night and stumbling around a little bit this morning...I finally feel much better  

[Strikr]

everything pass with time, every realisation is like having to create yourself again, it's frightening and everything, and we need to fix the mind, but don't be worry, the mind will fix, and sometimes the story we have are not the reality, they are just the feeling we reflect on things, currently not a good one, but this feeling will pass and so the ideas relating to this inner feeling

try to not focus too much on those bad idea, listen to music, try to relax if you can and just do something who do not require to think. Meditation, drawing.. ( I like drawing when I feel myself overthinking, it's kind of an active meditation )

[WelcometoReality]

@tashawoodfall As many here already have said, this is part of the awakening process. All these symptoms will fade away after a while.

If you want you can probably go back to sleep if that's what you want. That fact might make it a little easier to let go of  these feelings you are dealing with right now.

[Barry J]

What’s this green thing about? 

[Shin]

I don't know what to do either, 95% of the time it's just a state of neutrality in which you are deeply self conscious, 

And the remaining 5% is just deep loneliness mixed with a huge sense of lack.

No point socializing, or doing anything.

I don't see other people as zombie like you, they are way more alive than I ever will.

There is literally nothing inside this shell, it's just meat and thoughts illusions bouncing around.

[bejapuskas]

@tashawoodfall  Just watching or listening to an enlightened teacher on youtube can really make my mood a lot better, just absorbing their energy and love. Maybe this can be a temporary solution...