(almost) completed life purpose course - I can't form a life purpose

[molosku]

"TOO LONG DID NOT READ SUMMARY" in the end of this post!

 

So I'm nearing the end of the life purpose course, and although I have had lots of insights about my life and what it should be about, I could not form an authentic and more importantly, a clear life purpose that feels very motivating and empowering. The trouble lies in that, my interests and visions of what do I want to do in life don't connect. Main things that are happening in my life at the moment are:

• working on enlightenment
  • not looking forward to joining an ashram or living in a cave, I'm connecting regular life and enlightenment work together
  • I'm very passionate and interested in this, there is REALLY nothing else to do in life
• learning web-development
  • I'm looking to master this field, as it can offer great possibilities, and it can fuel 2 of my big goals and passions: working for myself (freedom of location, hours and workload), traveling a lot and connecting with nature (as webdev paychecks will fund my expeditions) . I like coding and I get much satisfaction from it, but it's not something I would REALLY do if I had to pay to do it. It's neither my zone of genious, it's something I will be very good at if I keep working at it. My mind is geared towards this kind of work also, so in a sense it feels natural. Three of my big goals and values are hinging on this, so I would be very very reluctant to throw it away for something else entirely.
• working on my music
  • I have a music project I'm very passionate about. This is also the direction the life purpose course really drove me towards: ambinet music and sound design. My zone of genius lies here, and it is: "converting my inner mental state, perspective and awareness into unique kind of music that turns others inwards and makes them ponder the big things in life" I love making music and that is something I would pay to do. The issue here is that, I don't find it a good strategy to completely ditch web development and just surrender to my music. Also, if everything went just PERFECTLY, it would take years and years to make a living out of this project. That would mean sacrificing traveling and connecting with nature, as realisticly I would have to whore a big chunk of my time in working some mind numbing wage job, to support my basic living costs so I can focus on this fully on my free time. I absolutely dread that option, so it's not an option.
• Working on self-actualization.
  • Mastery, mastering my psychology, awareness, learning and all that jazz

Also:

• I'm a pretty good drummer and I feel awesome when I play. Something I definitely wan't to keep in my life
• I love working out and I feel awesome when I'm doing it, something I would also spend time working on
• I love researching various fields, learning about the world and forming an holistic picture of the world
• I'm really into metaphysics and marveling the mindfuck of existence

So basically, as of my life purpose, everything is quite vague and not interlinked. Music and enlightenment have nothing to do with enlightenment and vice versa. Music has nothing to do with web development and vice versa. I do know that I want to impact the world in a way that turns people inwards, but I also have all these other wants and itches that really need a good scratching (like traveling) that do not fit into that. I just cant form a single solid life purpose direction.

However, I do have A direction in life. I have a 10 year'ish plan, summarized here:

• bust my ass learning my web development niche, so that I have opportunities for lots of sweet gigs of creative and technical thinking with a good pay
• with this pay I will spend time abroad and see as much of the world as I can. While I'm doing this, I'm working towards becoming a web freelancer. when I become one, I can choose when, to whom, how many hours and at what rate I work. Big goal fulfilled.
• While I'm traveling and working on my profession, I will also work on my music and develop it into a huge live spectacle and eventually start booking gigs. Big passion right there.
• While I'm doing all of the above, I strategically work towards enlightenment. Yoga, meditation, contemplation, psychedelics, retreats etc.

So in this 10 year plan, I'm slowly building my life's infrastructure in way that enables me to over time dig into these interests an wants. I'm not completely throwing myself at some specific, super passionate thing, as the life purpose course is trying to lead me to. There is no clear zone of genius + impact statement guiding my life.

I'm not lost in life, I'm lost in my life purpose. My 10 year plan is quite egoic and it's not really making a difference in the world. My 10 year plan is  a decent plan, but it's lacking a real heroes journey and the profound direction and drive of a real life purpose. I am not able to do the "bringing it all together" excercise as I just don't know the REAL answers to the questions asked. Or I do if I just copy my notes, but the answers create no clear direction. What is my lifes work? No fricking idea.

WHAT SHOULD I DO? Redo the course? I have no idea except to work on my 10 year plan.

My top 10 values in order of importance are:

• Awareness
• Wisdom
• Self-Actualization
• Relationships
• Travel and nature
• Creativity 
• Health
• Independence
• Spontaneity
• Mastery

TOO LONG DID NOT READ SUMMARY:

My skills, egoic wants and aspirations do not support each other and don't feed into each other very much at all. My zone of genius is really really REALLY specific in a very particular medium, that is not supported by the rest of my life. I have lot's of bucketlist-kinda things I wan't to do and values (travel and nature, independence, mastery) that are greatly supported by a profession I'm working towards, but that profession is not in my zone of genius or a huge passion. I have a 10 year plan that feels motivating, but it's lacking a real deep purpose and contribution. What should I do? Redo the course?

 

All help and comments greatly appreciated. Also looking forward to getting roasted by @Leo Gura

Edited September 12, 2018 by molosku

[NoSelfSelf]

What are you most passionate about?

[molosku]

@NoSelfSelf

• awareness
• enlightenment
• creating awesome, higher-self music
• excellence and perfection
• freedom and independence
• nature and traveling
• mindfucks
• understanding and learning

[NoSelfSelf]

@molosku from that list whats no 1?

[molosku]

@NoSelfSelf awareness. Even if I never got enlightened, having a high level of awareness troughout my life is the most usefull and fulfilling thing there is

[NoSelfSelf]

@molosku Then i could give you a suggestion your lp should be raising or bringing awareness threw some medium it could be music web designe etc.

[Elisabeth]

3 hours ago, molosku said:

"converting my inner mental state, perspective and awareness into unique kind of music that turns others inwards and makes them ponder the big things in life"

Dude. Why is that not your life purpose formulation again? It has what you're good at, what you want to master and your impact in it. 

It's ok to be afraid and unsure about the best path.

[molosku]

59 minutes ago, Elisabeth said:

Dude. Why is that not your life purpose formulation again? It has what you're good at, what you want to master and your impact in it. 

It's ok to be afraid and unsure about the best path.

Yes, that sentence is a product of the course. The trouble is, I cant quit my job and throw myself at it as there is no money in it. The best guys who make similiar stuff than I do in fact, have other professions as well. And these guys tour the world. At least I would be looking at a long transitioning phase, that requires many years of work outside my strict purpose. 

So in order to fulfill that sentence, I must do a lot of supportive work, to have money to live basically. Nowhere in that sentence is adressed my pull towards traveling, exploring, embracing nature and becoming financially independend. 

So im not having that "ah! I will become a writer and help the world like this and that" moment. Im having a "im the best when im making music, but i have all these other things I really want to do, that I cant do due to finances if I do JUST music" 

So Im unsure if I already established a life purpose, or a plan to transition into something that eventually will crystalize into a life purpose. 

Im unsure about a lot of stuff

Edited September 12, 2018 by molosku

[Elisabeth]

3 hours ago, molosku said:

Im unsure about a lot of stuff

Me too

[Viking]

On 9/12/2018 at 4:49 PM, molosku said:

Nowhere in that sentence is adressed my pull towards traveling, exploring, embracing nature and becoming financially independend. 

just my 2 cents- maybe differentiate between the impact you want to have on the world and what you want to do in life in general?