I'm selfish when it comes to KNOWLEDGE !!

[Capital]

I have recently became aware of something that was hidden into my shadow for a long time , I try as MUCH  as I can subconsciously to hide valuable knowledge that affected me in a really positive way from people that are close to me.

 I don't know why I do that , I think I have a deep desire to be the BEST and a deep fear that if these people knew my secret knowledge , they will be more successful and happier than me , a recent example to illustrate this .. I know this example will be silly , funny and kinda evil but I will be honest with you here to illustrate how deep this problem is ...

I have watched the Joe Rogan and Elon Musk podcast live recently , I'm sure that most of you have seen it as well  , when the show has ended I have gained a  valuable lessons , knowledge and insights  , then the days went by and I have looked into the YouTube recently and realized that there are MILLIONS of people that  have watched the podcast as well not ONLY me , and that frustrated me , cause I wanted this to be EXCLUSIVE to me and small minority of people , cause if the valuable insights in that podcast everybody knew , I won't be special anymore , I won't have an ADVANTAGE over people anymore with my "secret" knowledge , I know that sounds evil and selfish but I want to know how to liberate my self from this , cause this "knowledge selfishness" that I have is impeded deeply into me since I was kid .

I think my parents and schooling have caused me to become like this , cause I would always get verbally and physically abused for silly competitive stuff , like being the second on the class not the first , or getting A not A+ and my cousin  got the fucking A+ and why not me ! .. and that kind of competitive dogma  !

I don't know what should I do about that , do I force my self to give value to the world ? do I meditate the triggering ?  is shadow work will help me ? I don't know ! 

[Leo Gura]

@Capital Don't worry, 99% of people who watch valuable videos never put them to use

 

[Tom T]

Aha most people just get defensive when you try to give them valuable knowledge-it’s probs best to not even bother unless their defos intrested 

[Capital]

18 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Capital Don't worry, 99% of people who watch valuable videos never put them to use

 

haha , truth has been said !