Feeling stuck at life

[Daphne]

Hey everyone, 

This is my first post and where do I begin? My name is Daphne, 24 years old and I'm from The Netherlands. I sometimes feel very stuck in life. Allthough I made much progress in the last years. I feel like I'm lacking behind on everybody 'living the normal type of life'. Study, get a great job etc. To me it's more important to develop myself than to find a job but maybe to others I seem lazy? I'm very uncertain about my life purpose and what I want to become work related.

I feel like I'm not the type of person that will go to work, marry, have kids. And for this reason I feel stuck because all the people around me are like that. I'd rather explore the world and grow myself as a person. But you need money right? I don't know. I wish I could find my passion and make a living out of it, but I don't know how or where to begin? Tips are very welcome.

 

[the dream]

Comparing yourself to others is a dangerous game. When you do, you almost certainly end up in an inferior position, as you can always find things that are "better" about others.

I can't say what you're experiencing is a problem I'm not having myself. But I think you are comparing yourself to pre-defined cultural standards of what you "should" want your life to be like.

As for finding teh passion of yo' lyfe, Leo's Life Purpose course has worked wonders for me, even though I'm not finished with it yet.

[TheFrown]

Pinocchio and the dream make some excellent points.

 

FOMO or "Fear of Missing Out" is a real problem in modern society. We are all so hyper connected that its almost impossible to follow the mantra of "out of site out of mind". But your perception of lagging behind everyone is just that, a perception. People spend an insane amount of effort on presenting themselves to the world in a very particular and flattering way. Most people do not broadcast their struggles or failures. But rest assured they are there. 

 

This video sums it up nicely i think

 

 

 

[Daphne]

Thank you for your replies!

This makes me think about the video in which Leo talks about free will and if it exists. When trying to understand this, it makes me very comfortable with the fact that free will doesnt exist and you cant actually control your life. 

I wish I could let go more often and experience life more in a flow. But I'm working on it.

Hope I make sense. English isn't my main language.

[JaroslavtotheT]

Don't worry about what other people aroud you are like. If you pursue your passion by any means... life will give you what you need in order to be happy and live your life fully, whether it's people or other stuff.

Can't really help with the money tho... it's one of the best things to have your passion as a job, so maybe try to figure out how to make something like that possible?

[Guest]

48 minutes ago, Pinocchio said:

I bumped into this a few months ago and it seems to sum it up quite nicely, maybe you'll find it helpful (warning it's pretty much the antithesis of self-actualization, you're gonna have to decide for yourself what you really want, which very few people ever actually do --  so don't measure your own progress by someone else's standards):

https://theawarenesseffect.wordpress.com/free-e-book/

This appears to be an example of self-realization maturing into self-transcendence (per Abraham Maslow), which is like the beginning of what has been called enlightenment.  Often an individual reaches this stage and it is like the first steps a baby takes in a strange new world.  Everything is "recognized" in a new context which transcends egocentricity in every aspect.

joy

[the dream]

Meditation is gateway #1 for life in flow.

If you are not already, I beyond warmly recommend it.

[Daphne]

1 hour ago, the dream said:

Meditation is gateway #1 for life in flow.

If you are not already, I beyond warmly recommend it.

Im very new to meditation. I know its good for me but I couldnt seem to stick with it cause I got very vivid nightmares. But I will start again and maybe open a journal about it here.

With meditation, is it common to have such vivid nightmares/dreams? And feel more depressed along the day? (Off topic sorry)

[Bubba66]

Quote

 

Concerning your initial post, I've definitely thought the exact same thing, how everyone else seems to be getting along just fine and you sit there wanting something better but you don't know how to get there. My suggestion, as counterintuitive as it may seem, is that you are too inwardly focused, and need to spend some time focusing on other causes for a little bit, at least long enough to let your subconscious mind mull things over for a while when it comes to your passions. Not sure what your social life is like, but something as simple as joining a club of some sort and just being around other people more would help a lot. Perhaps volunteer work as well. Basically, you should strive to get as much life experience as possible, which is exactly what I am working on doing these days before I finish school and jump into a career.

[Leo Gura]

You got a couple of basic choices here:

1. Go become a monk and not worry much about money
2. Bite the bullet and get serious about handling your career & lack of money
3. Get a basic and soul-numbing 9-5 job that barely covers the bills
4. Live in your parent's basement
5. Find someone to mooch money out of to finance your lifestyle (or get married)
6. Become a thief

[Paul Thomas]

I wouldn't worry too much about what others think of you.. but only because mainstream society does something, it doesn't always mean that you shouldn't do it. Go inside you and look what makes you happy. Is it maybe helping homeless people? Is it maybe making some musics? Whatever, go out and do it, and don't worry too much if it's 'right' or 'wrong' or what others think about it. Find out some people who like the same things as you, talk with them, make some friends! And become really good at doing what you're doing. The success will come itself. Don't care too much about what other people tell you, just do what makes you happy and enjoy your life

[dystopia]

I feel you. I'm 26 with no kids, crappy job, not many accomplishments, nothing significant. I also have always kind of felt like I'm always "late" to do everything. Everything feels like it takes longer for me. I'm working on finding my life purpose. For now, I am doing things I really enjoy (forcing myself to) like sewing, drawing, writing, etc. I'm hoping I can make enough money off one of my hobbies so that I can quit my awful job. Sometimes I feel hopeless but I'm doing my best to be optimistic. For a long time, I was stuck in a cycle of binge-drinking and other self-harming behavior. I quit drinking all by myself, without support, because I decided to. You can do anything ONCE YOU'RE READY! I have had anxiety, bulimia, and depression on and off since I was young but I've never taken medication. I strongly believe that you can fix your own problems, no matter what. It is HARD but anything worth doing is. You have to let go of the victim mentality, like Leo says.
So my advice is not to worry about how other people are doing things & how fast & do what works for you.

In addition to Leo's videos, I found this chick named Teal Swan (on YT) that posts a lot of helpful things, mostly about spirituality. She has a video called Find Your Negative Imprint, Find Your Life Purpose and it helped reaffirm my life purpose, for me. Hang in there.

[Guest]

25 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You got a couple of basic choices here:

1. Go become a monk and not worry much about money
2. Bite the bullet and get serious about handling your career & lack of money
3. Get a basic and soul-numbing 9-5 job that barely covers the bills
4. Live in your parent's basement
5. Find someone to mooch money out of to finance your lifestyle (or get married)
6. Become a thief

Number 4 is the option for most of the guys like me, never-do-wells world of warcraft addicts

But honestly, I would only consider the first two of those 6 options.

[MIARIVEL]

9 hours ago, Daphne said:

Hey everyone, 

This is my first post and where do I begin? My name is Daphne, 24 years old and I'm from The Netherlands. I sometimes feel very stuck in life. Allthough I made much progress in the last years. I feel like I'm lacking behind on everybody 'living the normal type of life'. Study, get a great job etc. To me it's more important to develop myself than to find a job but maybe to others I seem lazy? I'm very uncertain about my life purpose and what I want to become work related.

I feel like I'm not the type of person that will go to work, marry, have kids. And for this reason I feel stuck because all the people around me are like that. I'd rather explore the world and grow myself as a person. But you need money right? I don't know. I wish I could find my passion and make a living out of it, but I don't know how or where to begin? Tips are very welcome.

 

Hey Daphne,

I wish I was i was 24yo again, if i knew what I know now I would of done a lot of things differently and I am proud of you for working so hard on your personal development journey. 

Let me share this, I am 29yo from Sydney, all of my friends and family are very successful law enforcement agents, lawyers, psychologists, Doctors. They 99% are married with kids, have beautiful homes and drive nice cars. You can imagine how I feel sometimes working a full time job, running my personal development side business, I finished a law degree only to give that up to build my business in personal development (my parents were not to happy about this). I do not drive because I live right in the middle of the city and I'm also still renting which i feel embarrassed about because everyone I know owns their apartment or house and has their shit together. I feel far from that but I am working 7days a week, hard on the life I want and the person I see myself with. 

So don't feel like you are behind everyone else, you are still so young and have a lot of amazing things ahead of you. The one thing I would highly suggest though is find a balance. I work a 8-5job and when I am not there, I am running my business trying to make a profit so I can buy my own apartment and I am also studying a diploma at the moment. I only catch up with my friends once a month and only see my family on birthdays, christmas and easter. Finding a balance to do all of this isn't easy for me and i am forever exhausted but at the same time I am completely and utterly in love with what I do and where I choose to spend my time. 

I still have doubts I will ever find 'the one' and get married and have kids (ohh no, my biological clock in running out of time). Yes I am freaking out a little but I am making the best with what I have right now.

When it comes to finding your passion, I think Leo has a video on finding your life purpose - watch it. I think you just need to make a list of things that make you happy and start experimenting with different things that ignite your passion (this takes time). It took me till my late 20s to find my passion and before that I completed a 6yr law degree at university only to do nothing with that degree. Things change, you have plenty of time to experiment and find what is right for you.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

[Valium]

Hello Daphne,

what you describe is called "experience of congnitive dissonance". you feel like exploring yourself instead of focussing on some sort of job/carreer, but your environment, the people around you, just seem to perceive the opposite. so the way you live seems to somehow not fit in to the environment. people have a strong desire to belong to others around them, therefore you might feel being cast out/stuck behind. you also seem to be afraid that others label you as "being lazy" - that is just a thought, as society likes to label people, but no one really likes to BE labeled. "lazyness" is just such a label that does not really say something about the qualities of a person, for example if a kid at school is entitled "lazy" by the teacher, it's often not the kids fault. often school is just very boring and a talented, intelligent kid just does not like learning repetitive, boring stuff. so I'd advise you to let go of your fear of being judged by others.

In my oppinion you still have time to develope and you feel like you need to. so try to find something you love doing, try things out, experiment a lot. first hand experience is gold - no one can tell you what to do! you just need to find out for yourself. when you have done different things for a period of time you will maybe know more and eventually find a way to earn money, build a carreer etc.

I am 33 years old btw and still not sure what to do with my life. Of course there are obligations and things to do, but I don't have a strong sense for a long-tearm goal. I have studied social science and social work but I currently don't work in these fields.

[Pallero]

I also would like to offer my words of encouragement. Feeling stuck in life is not a bad thing. I'm sure you already know on some level that it's a start of something new and better. Change is always difficult. You are looking around at the people you know and you don't want to live like them. On the other hand you don't know how to make it on your own yet either. You're at that tricky and exciting point in your life when you realize that you want something more from your life that you see every day.

Having a life crisis is completely normal. You stop to reassess some things and make changes in your life. It's never easy but you feel like it's necessary. Everything you are going through is natural. It's OK to compare yourself to others, because that makes you realize that you want something else. It's OK to feel stuck, because living a different kind of life is difficult and scary.

You can find your life purpose and feel good about your life again. And if you work for it, you will. Accept this stage as necessary, feel the discomfort and be patient on your journey.

[MonikaBcn]

Just do somehing. Go to a different country to work for a few months. Any basic job. It will give you a new perspective. You can always come back home.

Don´t stay where you are and don´t do what you always do. You are not stuck, you hold yourself back. If you don´t know what to do, do anything