Wow! My addictions are so strong

[Daydreamer]

I am an avoider. I retreat to my room and the days, months, pass. My 'drugs' of choice are food and the internet, reading, daydreaming and sleeping.

Ironlcally, I know much about mindfulness and can observe my thoughts successfully, and even observe myself observing my thoughts. My favourite mindfulness voices are Eckhart Tolle, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Thich Nhat Hanh, Pema Chodron... I am well read in all sorts of material from Tao de Ching to the Koran, from philosophers to medieval fairy tales. I also majored in Science and Technology policy, which examines the philosophy of science. 

Yet here I am.

Default again.

Deeply mired in my particular form of crazy.

Stuck.

Recently I found Leo's videos and, as I watched them, it occurred to me that they too could become part of my avoidance. Although his material rings true to me, and reconfirms what I know, I realize that - in the back of my mind - I am hooking into his material to justify another 200 hours of avoidance. 

Yep, It is time for me to take a deep breath, close the laptop, and walk into the world slowly and thoughtfully. It is time for me to start 'drawing the water and chopping the wood' - at least during the daytime.  I know it will feel unpleasant, but It is time for me to deal with this avoidance issue. Now.

Wish me luck everyone. 

[RichardY]

Day Tripper one way ticket yeah!

 

[RichardY]

@Daydreamer What's your favourite Guru and Why?

Favourite philosopher?

Or you off on your journey?

[Mu_]

15 hours ago, Daydreamer said:

I am an avoider. I retreat to my room and the days, months, pass. My 'drugs' of choice are food and the internet, reading, daydreaming and sleeping.

Ironlcally, I know much about mindfulness and can observe my thoughts successfully, and even observe myself observing my thoughts. My favourite mindfulness voices are Eckhart Tolle, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Thich Nhat Hanh, Pema Chodron... I am well read in all sorts of material from Tao de Ching to the Koran, from philosophers to medieval fairy tales. I also majored in Science and Technology policy, which examines the philosophy of science. 

Yet here I am.

Default again.

Deeply mired in my particular form of crazy.

Stuck.

Recently I found Leo's videos and, as I watched them, it occurred to me that they too could become part of my avoidance. Although his material rings true to me, and reconfirms what I know, I realize that - in the back of my mind - I am hooking into his material to justify another 200 hours of avoidance. 

Yep, It is time for me to take a deep breath, close the laptop, and walk into the world slowly and thoughtfully. It is time for me to start 'drawing the water and chopping the wood' - at least during the daytime.  I know it will feel unpleasant, but It is time for me to deal with this avoidance issue. Now.

Wish me luck everyone. 

Good luck out there.  I felt the same thing at one point.  Use to meditate for 3 hrs every day and 6 on Sunday for a few years (fucking mind blowing) but reached a point where I knew I was not helping myself anymore on that cushion.  Relationships, hard work, suffering taught some needed experience.  Best of luck. 

P.S.  Careful with the observing yourself observing yourself, your not seeing what you think you are.