Stubborn Habits

[Letsimprove]

Hi everyone,

I've been meditating twice daily for years and it's made a profound impact in my life so I will always have this habit. However, I've generated a bigger vision for my life now and the challenge has been seeing the gap between where I am and where I know I could be. There's old habits and addictions that I want to let go of, and whenever I break them for a while and step into the new healthier ways (reading books vs. screen watching, earlier bed times etc.) homeostasis kicks in. Also my mind justifies that since I work so hard meditating (for longer periods sometimes 2 hours a day), I deserve a break so I find it harder to resist the older unhealthy habits. Like my willpower level is already lowered from exerting it on said meditation practice, and shadow work etc.

I guess there's a feeling of overwhelm sometimes with responsibility, because I want a passionate life with real purpose and everything else, so I kinda whip myself to do X, Y, Z actions that I know will bring those results. This neurotic motivation is quite habitual for me also, it's almost like a drug lol. My ego gets a twisted satisfaction out of whipping myself into shape because hey, I won't let myself be happy until I've done everything right. Sorry I'm rambling a bit, but i'm just looking for general pointers on how to approach the journey from a better perspective overall, how to take the pressure off myself, how to make big positive changes without so much ego backlash? Many thanks!

Adam.

[Forestluv]

Perhaps you are too hard on yourself? It sounds like you put a lot of pressure on yourself to do what you think you should be doing. I can get into a self deprivation mode trying to repress bad habits. It’s counter productive and I get a backlash. Perhaps give yourself permission on occasion to do whatever the fuck the mind-body wants to do and not beat yourself up for it.

[Letsimprove]

@Serotoninluv Yes being hard on myself is a frequently run groove in my mind, it's used as a way to get myself to perform better. Because I feel that if I don't put the pressure on myself then ill just be lazy and not get engaged enough to do the work! And it's just so familiar to me, I've known this way of being for most of my life. The work in itself for me 'should' be actually changing my self-talk and be more self-encouraging and positive rather than using negative motivation. You are right it's best to let go and not fight or repress bad habits too much thank you :).

[Forestluv]

I used to be motivated by fear. Then, I wondered what life would be like if I was motivated by inspiration and the joy of doing what I was doing. Once I started focusing on that, things started to change.

I was harshly criticized by teachers and parents growing up. Then, by my girlfriends. I was super self-critical most of my life. It’s been a process to recondition my mind.

[Jack River]

12 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

I was harshly criticized by teachers and parents growing up

Me too. But I went the other way and was the opposite of critical. I feel ya though. Reaction to experience is the same one way or another. I like your threads @Serotoninluv . You seem like cool dude.

Edited September 8, 2018 by Jack River

[Brittany]

22 hours ago, Letsimprove said:

I've generated a bigger vision for my life now and the challenge has been seeing the gap between where I am and where I know I could be.

"Where I could be" will never end.

It will follow us for the rest of our lives.

We always think we will arrive at "where I could be"  one day.

But it will follow us to death.

And so the earlier we understand that "where I could be" will last forever, the more at peace we will be with ourselves.

It doesn't mean to stop making changes or going on the journey to "where I could be".

Just realize that even on our death beds, we will think of "where I could be" or "what I could have done or been"

It's a song that haunts all humans.