What should I DO

[Jamesc]

So I first had intentional conscience experiences after I first began reading about 3rd eye awakenings, believing in chalkras, experiencing chi voltages in throughout my brain and body. I was on high school break before my senior year and at first I decided to stop contemplating everything and go on as if nothing happened until I had enough money to ditch society and live in the wilderness for the rest of my life. Now 5 years later I am 22. I dropped out of high school. Now mind you, I was a popular kid in school who did what he wanted. I left school and decided to live as it comes. How much I have taken for granted. I have been in numerous homeless shelters. I have multiple felons. I have no more family (never really did). I continue to lose interest in everyone including myself nearly once or twice a week. I have lived without money for a long time now. I have a habit of knowing when to blow everything behind me, drugs to say the least, and take what I can into the woods and walk and walk and walk and walk. I have been lost in the middle of nowhere, the desert, the redwoods, the jungle, (left the country once). Everyone I come across seems to have strong projections towards me and I understand this. I don't want to be around anyone really.  I think about just working quietly a 9 - 5 but it's everything in between that takes that away. I can't commute in society any longer with or without a positive attitude. Not because It's uncomfortable but simply because it ultimately means jack shit. I have a girlfriend which whom knows me well. Without her and the suffering I put myself to be around for her I would probably be dead. I live in a household and like to smell good these days. I'm sick of it because the comfort is utterly consuming me. I enjoy being helpful and there are times now where I can see in peoples eyes how little they sense the world around them and it makes me angry but there isn't anything to do besides internalize it and take drugs out of compassion to feel better about myself. I don't trust anything and I should go redefine my reality by myself in solitude of being with non ego  driven creatures.

Edited September 7, 2018 by Jamesc

[Mu_]

I can only imagine man.  You've had a hard life, not many people can honestly say that, no family, the legal felonies over your head, homelessness.  I'd say do your best to create some stability for yourself and girlfriend via work, really look at whats important to you and really go for that.  And you also seem to have a lot of anger about people, maybe life?  Looking into this somehow through inquiry or finding help with someone who you can talk about some of these issues, because they have a high chance of undermining your life.  Hell I'll try and help you if I can

What is it about comfort that irritates you so much?  Why don't you trust anything?  You can message me if you don't want to speak publicly.