Battle of my Brain

[Revolutionary Think]

After watching the spirituality video I really wanted all those things that @Leo Gura talked about at the end of the video. 

1. Care about the truth that's a 7 because how about if I find out the truth is painful?

2. Truth about existence 10 because I want to know how I ended up here and if I have an ultimate purpose.

3. Beauty everywhere 10 that sounds nice. 

4. Goodness 9 because it's always good to be good the thing is though I still want to get back at people who wrong me... 

Anyway that's it for the questions for now I want to get into what I want to talk about. Leo from time to time talks to his audience sometimes as if they are really lazy and really ignorant. Like the answer is right in front of all of us but, we don't want to move our asses two inches to get to it. That is not the case with me although I do have my limits. All I was thinking about was that I have really stumbled on to something amazing yet I've been betrayed so many times in my life I'm also a bit scared. Scared of coming so close yet not getting there. Also when Leo talks about academia being full of shit sometimes I can totally relate. I never trusted the way they do things because if Academia was based on the Truth with a capital T how can some of these long time academics be so miserable in their lives? 

The battle in my brain is that I look at this journey and I think I really want to go on it although I think to myself how about if I put so much work and effort into this stuff and Leo comes up with another video saying that I hardly scratched the surface with all this hard work and I'm only 1/1000000th of the way there I know it may be true but, it's really demoralizing. Like 5 years from now I'll be reading books, meditating, inquiring etc. then there is some video from Leo saying oh you're only 1/10000th of the way there... Seems like it'll never end. 

The good news is I've made some quantum leaps when it's come to my personality. Like for the past few months I bought Leo's Ultimate Life Purpose course yet it was a struggle in my head. My mind always goes into meltdown mode when it comes to buying information products especially now that I don't have a regular source of income from a steady job. All the time I'm on that page to buy an information products I have a long argument in my head whether I should do it or not. It's always so painful when I put in my credit card information and push that submit button. The good news is I've programmed my brain away from being a money hoarder so that's how I was able to spend $610 on a program called Success Insider Academy. I'm happy I've made these leaps in my psyche to improve my life and undo some of my toxic programming. I feel like ever since my parents divorced and when I went to middle school the older people and the people I trusted in my life created a cesspool for me to swim in and I never agreed to swim in the cesspool but, I had no choice. I spent so many years in my teens and my twenties trying to swim out of this cesspool so I turned to academia, jobs, and religion none of them really helping me. Then I found Actualized.org and it seemed like the real deal because something in my head was telling me that the debates between atheists and religious people were so idiotic and there has to be a person out there like me who is either found the truth or is in process of finding the truth (and can explain things well and has a gigantic sense of nuance). Problem is that now I need to trust myself and I've learned to do it throughout the years. As I've swam through this cesspool of toxic emotions from the older people around me and terrible programming the waters are getting shallower and shallower yet it still kind of stinks. I'm hoping I can win this battle in my mind and since the Universe is me it might as well be the battle of the Universe. I'm scared and excited at the same time. I'm just hoping that in the end of everything I don't fail and never say I should've done this but, I did that instead. I want to say I did that and it worked and I'm happy I did... 

[Leo Gura]

Dude, you'll see awesome stuff long before you get to the end.

There is no end. I will always tell you there is more. But at some point you will hit the point of no return and you won't need me any more.

Don't forget to enjoy the process of awaking up. This is not a race.

P.S. That brain is not yours!

[Revolutionary Think]

I'm sorry it's ours... The Universal mind 

Edited September 6, 2018 by Revolutionary Think