Are My Friends Holding Me Back?

[Austin W]

In order to put my efforts toward developing myself I need to be well-rested, but when I hang out with my friends they stay up very late and of course I do and then my sleep schedule becomes messed up. What is worse is that they seem so complacent with this fact and don't see the bigger picture. That if this becomes a habit for them they aren't operating at full capacity. For me this is such a big deal but to them they don't seem to care about wasted time/sleep. 

 

 

I feel like nobody cares about what is important and I just want to be alone.

[vizual]

Notice all the "I"'s in your story. Your friends aren't holding you back, in fact no one is even capable of holding you back except for yourself. If you feel your friends are the ones holding you back you aren't going anywhere anyway.

[Ce]

Hi Austin,

I also have friends that like to stay up very late. I routinely hang out with them, and then leave early. In the beginning I was scared they would think less of me for doing this, but it turns out they respect it, and even help me to keep my schedule. Is it possible for you to discuss this, ask them for help? I can imagine you can say at the beginning of the night at what time you want to leave. If your friends are good friends, they will make sure you leave on time :-)

So in summary: don't think you have to stay late, and also, don't do stuff just because you think they will like you for it.

Kind regards,

Cedric

[Ce]

A bit off topic, but I have also asked my friends to help me with my diet. I have told them I only  eat one of every type of snack at parties. That created some cool moments, like what color of M&M's I already had eaten and so on. But it does help. It completely removes the social pressure to eat just to show them you like the food. In fact it's replaced by them reminding me (in more or less subtitle ways :-) ) to only eat one, instead of 2 or more.

I lost 20 pounds since I've told them. Ok, I also done other things, like not snack at home, and walk to the office one in a while, but still it helps.

Kind regards,

Cedric

[charlie2dogs]

On 3/26/2016 at 3:53 AM, Austin W said:

In order to put my efforts toward developing myself I need to be well-rested, but when I hang out with my friends they stay up very late and of course I do and then my sleep schedule becomes messed up. What is worse is that they seem so complacent with this fact and don't see the bigger picture. That if this becomes a habit for them they aren't operating at full capacity. For me this is such a big deal but to them they don't seem to care about wasted time/sleep. 

 

 

I feel like nobody cares about what is important and I just want to be alone.

Austin there are times when other people can be a hindrance to you in your life, their energy can suck the life right out of you, ruin your day, ruin your life,   if  if if you allow it to happen.   There are many definitions for friends, first of all what kind of friends do you really have, are they friends?  what is a friend to you, what do you want from a friend.  Sometimes our friends can show us things about ourselves by reflecting what we are ourself, but then there are people who out grow the people around them, and then those people become a hindrance in every day life for that person, when that happens sometimes you have to realize these are not your friends or not the kind of friends that you need in your life where you are,  and you need to move on.  Look at yourself, look for your own issues and see how they play into this, you may need to make some adjustments with yourself but if you are trying to improve your life and these friends have become a hindrance, you may need to move on with life.  Don't become desperate for friends or even a lover,  find yourself first and be at peace with that, what you need will be drawn to you, one can be alone and be happy, one can be happy without needing someone to love them, or needing friends to support them, but you have to be very secure within yourself..  Real friends are few and far between, most of your friends will show you they are not your friends in a pinch.  Look at yourself first and then at your friends, and do it with integrity, which means self honesty if you can, and try to see the reality of this situation and yourself without seeing it as you would like it to be.  All of these things can be used for your own person growth, and it helps to be able to see where you are and where those around you are from a place of reality not just some emotional or mental state that isnt stable.

[Vaishnavi]

I'm sure these people are close to you and probably that is the reason you're still with them. I'd suggest you to have a serious talk with these people in a humble manner. Try to make them realise how important personal development is to you if not to them. If they truly care, they will understand. If not then just accept it and move on. You can have new friends anytime, and don't you think it would be better to surround yourself with more like minded people? People who would not just accept you as you are but would also help you to grow into a better person? And yes, your friends are holding you back clearly. I guess you know that already, maybe you're just afraid of admitting it to yourself. And I apologise if  I sound rude.

[Guest]

@Austin W like @vizual  said, they are not holding you back, you are. No one is forcing you to stay up late and waste your time with stupid shit. You have always complete control and the ultimate power to have life your way. Say NO to things, activities and people that aren't benefitial to your growth and say YES to everything that is benefitial to you. Don't blame other people, no one is holding you back. Take responsibility for your own life 100%. Do what YOU want and what YOU feel is right. It's your power, and if your friends are not ok with that, they can leave. If you let them hold you back, you are only holding yourself back. peace