How Should You Deal With Someone Being Mean To You?

[Clay]

My question is not really about people who are consistently toxic or mean. I know Leo did a video on that and he explains how to handle people like that.

I'm primarily talking about people who you think should be in your life, but occasionally they will act mean toward you (e.g. they disrespect or condescend you in a thoughtless way). If these are people that are going to constantly be around us, do we try to condition them to be nicer? Or should we learn to find peace in all words that come our way?

Edited March 25, 2016 by Clay Curl

[SkyPanther]

12 minutes ago, Clay Curl said:

My question is not really about people who are consistently toxic or mean. I know Leo did a video on that and he touches on how to handle people like that.

I'm primarily talking about people who you think should be in your life, but occasionally they may act mean toward you (e.g. they disrespect or condescend you in a thoughtless way). If these are people that are going to constantly be around us, do we try to condition them to be nicer? Or should we learn to find peace in all words that come our way?

Speaking for myself, the things that used to bother me about what some people like that said, I isolated, and resolved.

The thing that gets "hurt" is the ego being... find that part that is getting hurt and release it.

Now if they are physically hurting you, that is a different topic.  Leave the situation, or get law enforcement involved.    

Edited March 25, 2016 by SkyPanther

[DizIzMikey]

Do What Thou Wilt

[Ajax]

@Clay Curl I can't choose any of the above.  The problem with reacting to a "shot" is that they hit one of your buttons, you lose control and often you hit try to hit their button too. When you do that, they often don't take responsibility for what they did because you already "hit" them, if anything else it makes them feel like tagging you back.  The problem with smothering with love is that it often doesn't make you feel any better, so you have resentment and the emotional charge lingers.  Neither does it solve the problem.

Ignoring is stupid unless you have total mastery of your emotions.

 

What I would do is:

1. Realize that I have a soft spot and try to overcome my weakness.

2. Gently correct their behavior, then just leave it as it is until you feel that your emotional charge has settled. Then, dig into the situation to discover why they feel such a way. For example, recently my wife was going on and on about clothes and weave and earrings and other bs... anyway I joked that I wanted to just wear rags and man... that really set her off. For a few days after that she would randomly snap at me bringing back what I said. So I thought enough of this... So I inquired to find out the reason that bother her, she wasn't willing to talk about it but with some patience and coaxing about it she told me stories about her being homeless and living with bums when she was a child. Doing this I was able to help her button get "unstuck" and she was no longer mean to me.

So you see digging deeper into their behavior can help quite a bit, even if it doesn't correct their behavior... it will give you more insight an so you can be more understanding and tolerate their rudeness because you have realized certain stimuli has inadvertently pushed their buttons whether you caused it or not.

Edited March 26, 2016 by Ajax

[Elton]

Let go of resistance, why is contradiction a problem? If you feel they are still bothering you cut them off

 

[T1r1on]

I like killing a problem with kindness. It's way more satisfying to be the bigger human and not let there petty shit get to you. Plus, it rattles them more than a punch to the face. Now they have to see the after affects of real karma. Watch Leo's video on that if you haven't, it's pretty good. 

[A way to Actualize]

 

perfect timing, it is expained during the video. Have fun!

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@Clay CurlI always think of mean people like children (it's how they're behaving, right?). This causes a desire to evolve their behaviour with firm yet compassionate consequences. Sometimes these consequences are simple things like less time around me. I have no idea if this is a neurotic response or not..just how I deal with it... I also tend to counter insults with my positive perception of my true self, unless I can see their point....lol....I'm dealing with a person going through difficulty and a "mean" phase directed at me right now too....so this topic really resonates with my life, thanks....

@Ajax I agree with you totally....but the I feel the digging deeper thing may only work with people that you have a really intimate connection with (like your wife). Most people are unaware of the true cause of their insecurities/ anger triggers, and of those that are aware, most wouldn't put themselves in such a vulnerable position to admit it....I like the waiting until " the charge settles" concept a lot. Often time automatically makes things less severe....