Reason to date / have a partner

[bejapuskas]

Hey guys, 

Some of you were talking about reasons to date or get a girlfriend/boyfriend other than pleasure. What are these?

[Spiral]

Children, intimacy, love and being relieved from social stigma when you get older. Most other benefits are things you can technically get from friendships. 

Misc

• Financial benefits from living with someone.
• You might enjoy dating.
• Tax cuts from being married in certain countries.
• Safer and easier sex. Assuming you don’t have a friend+.

Edited September 3, 2018 by Spiral

[bejapuskas]

@Spiral Do you think its ok to live a lonely life? I have no urge to date or anything, it kind of feels like a needy behaviour and it always gets boring after time... I mean, every pleasure is chemical after all. I have had a few relationships already and as I am looking back sometimes, it feels so unhealthy. Maybe I am wrong...

[Spiral]

@bejapuskas  I would hate a lonely life. Although being single is alright in my option.

You don’t need a partner to be happy, but you’ll probably won’t be happy as long as you feel lonely. Don’t try to cure lonely with a partner do so with friends and/or family.

Edited September 3, 2018 by Spiral

[bejapuskas]

@Spiral  You are probably right, I should care about my family and friends more... I could absolutely imagine my life being in the mountains with friends, breathing fresh, studying advanced topics... Maybe my opinion will change. I just remember someone advising me to wipe out all the negative motivations out of my life and it really feels great. I just see too many toxic relationships, had been in one myself... 

There are probably different types of people, some need it, some do not.

Edited September 3, 2018 by bejapuskas

[smokeyJoe]

What about partnership?

[bejapuskas]

@smokeyJoe What do you mean?

 

[Paulus Amadeus]

Relationships can be really amazing and lovely. I think they are among the things that bring the most happiness and fulfillment to non-enlightened people. Don't assume you know everything about relationships just because you've had a few of them. 

[Shadowraix]

I'm technically in a monogamous relationship, but I do hate the relationship label because it almost feels like the label is an invisible string making us feels obligated to stay a part of it and can introduce forms of ownership and what not. 

Having a specific set of people in your life in which you primarily go to for a lot of what you'd call basic human social and sexual needs isn't inherently bad. Feeling rushed and pressured to find someone to fill that role can definitely be damaging.

It is difficult at times to find someone who isn't firm in how they do relationships and can recognize toxic behavior when pointed out to them. (Ex. People who flaunt willing to do destructive things if they are cheated on)

I'd advise a thinking exercise of thinking about what relationships are with all of the cultural and expectation nonsense in there. My 2nd paragraph is roughly what I consider it, you might find a different answer.

Humans are very dynamic and can adjust to various roles for mutual benefit. Just takes knowing what you want, what they want and coming to some form of agreement.

[bejapuskas]

@Paulus Amadeus @Shadowraix  Of course, relationships are must have for most people. I am looking and it from an evolutionary and low-consciousness point of view. I dont know, if there is more to intimate relationships, than just pleasure. I definitely dont know everything about them, I am honestly pretty bad with girls. 

[bejapuskas]

@XYZ  Leo really helped me get over my stage blue and orange belief issues I guess.

[Paulus Amadeus]

@XYZ Stuff is just not that black and white man. 

 

@bejapuskas Well get better at relating to girls then! This whole thing is probably your mind looking for a way to not deal with all the scary girl stuff that you feel you need to deal with. 

[bejapuskas]

@Paulus Amadeus  It definitely isnt all black and white, I feel like I am in a halfway there. 

It might be a good challenge, but honestly, I probably have more important things on my schedule. People come and go, you cannot really be with one 24/7 + you will gradually need more and more satisfaction. And pure being without distraction is better than a date for me haha. 

I am not that affraid of girls. Its just that I dont feel the need to get them to date me. It took me about 2 evolutionary psychology books and 5 videos on Actualized.org to realize its nothing for me anymore.

What did you learn about yourself when getting better with girls? In what ways did it improve your life?

[Paulus Amadeus]

5 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

@Paulus Amadeus  It definitely isnt all black and white, I feel like I am in a halfway there. 

It might be a good challenge, but honestly, I probably have more important things on my schedule. People come and go, you cannot really be with one 24/7 + you will gradually need more and more satisfaction. And pure being without distraction is better than a date for me haha. 

I am not that affraid of girls. Its just that I dont feel the need to get them to date me. It took me about 2 evolutionary psychology books and 5 videos on Actualized.org to realize its nothing for me anymore.

What did you learn about yourself when getting better with girls? In what ways did it improve your life?

Alright, so this is how it improved my life:

1. Thought me how to have fun with strangers

2. gave me a healthy relationship with my sexuality

3. Gave me the confidence that I know I can achieve big changes if I set my mind to it

4. Gave me cool sexy girls to share my life whit

5. Gave me a TON of really fun stories to tell and to think about.

6. Made me realise what love is and what love isn't

7. Gave me a super awesome and supportive girlfriend.

So plenty of reasons I would say . 

 

There are enlightened people who have wives! If you are not interested in dating because you are just 'being', you wouldn't be hanging out in the dating and relationship section of this forum. 

[bejapuskas]

@Paulus Amadeus Thats good for you, glad to hear that. I am probably just introverted, partying and having fun isnt actually fun for me... No need for a girlfriend either and I am still quite young. Thanks for sharing!

[DK092]

On 3.9.2018 at 2:57 PM, bejapuskas said:

Hey guys, 

Some of you were talking about reasons to date or get a girlfriend/boyfriend other than pleasure. What are these?

There are countless reasons why you should date to find a suitable partner.

1. Your life will become better and you will be a happier person with someone on your side. Not saying that life without a relationship is sad and awful, it's just that a partner will be something that should improve it even further.

2. You will spend less time on the internet, forums etc. because you will be busy spending quality time with your partner.

3. You become more experienced and get to know all kinds of people which helps you in finding out what you really want and desire in a partner.

4. You get to be human. By this I mean that you will be able to satisfy your natural needs. I have the strong belief that we are social creatures and not meant to live alone so in order to feel and have a better life your natural needs and desires have to be met. It is not "needy" or "desperate" to want to have sex, intimacy and a strong bond with someone else. Codependency is to some degree part of our existence.

5. Your confidence and self-esteem will skyrocket. That is thanks to the dopamine and oxytocin rushes we get from dating and relationships. I'm sure you have heard before that being in love has the same effects on your brain as if you were on drugs like cocaine.

Edited September 9, 2018 by DK092

[Ayilton]

On 9/4/2018 at 0:36 PM, bejapuskas said:

@Paulus Amadeus  It definitely isnt all black and white, I feel like I am in a halfway there. 

It might be a good challenge, but honestly, I probably have more important things on my schedule. People come and go, you cannot really be with one 24/7 + you will gradually need more and more satisfaction. And pure being without distraction is better than a date for me haha. 

I am not that affraid of girls. Its just that I dont feel the need to get them to date me. It took me about 2 evolutionary psychology books and 5 videos on Actualized.org to realize its nothing for me anymore.

What did you learn about yourself when getting better with girls? In what ways did it improve your life?

What  books are those  ?! I think I need them fam 

[Ayilton]

2 hours ago, DK092 said:

There are countless reasons why you should date to find a suitable partner.

1. Your life will become better and you will be a happier person with someone on your side. Not saying that life without a relationship is sad and awful, it's just that a partner will be something that should improve it even further.

2. You will spend less time on the internet, forums etc. because you will be busy spending quality time with your partner.

3. You become more experienced and get to know all kinds of people which helps you in finding out what you really want and desire in a partner.

4. You get to be human. By this I mean that you will be able to satisfy your natural needs. I have the strong belief that we are social creatures and not meant to live alone so in order to feel and have a better life your natural needs and desires have to be met. It is not "needy" or "desperate" to want to have sex, intimacy and a strong bond with someone else. Codependency is to some degree part of our existence.

5. Your confidence and self-esteem will skyrocket. That is thanks to the dopamine and oxytocin rushes we get from dating and relationships. I'm sure you have heard before that being in love has the same effects on your brain as if you were on drugs like cocaine.

I want a girlfriend now  ! Don't know why but doing all this self actualized and enlightenment make you avoid relationships 

[DK092]

1 hour ago, Ayilton said:

I want a girlfriend now  ! Don't know why but doing all this self actualized and enlightenment make you avoid relationships 

That's because all this enlightement stuff basically teaches you to be good on your own and reach your maximum potential as a human being. That's what i meant by saying that codependency is only partially a part of our existence. There is no way around the fact that you have to have your shit together before you start a relationship with someone.

[bejapuskas]

@Ayilton Haha, youre funny. The books I read helped me understand what mistakes I was doing in my relationships. Some of them were Red queen, Selfish gene, The way of the human body... Really cool books!

@DK092 I dont know man, I just feel like enlightenment work is giving me so much more value than a relationship. But maybe when I develop myself further, I will discover what are you talking about now... I used to be very needy, stage blue thinker, thinking that morals and loyalty will get me somewhere... Now I became more detached and I dont feel any desires anymore, which makes me want to continue doing this work.